conditionals

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mosotho woman laughing like she has just heard the funniest joke in the village
Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer

Woman: If we got engagedIF WE PROMISED TO MARRY to be married, would you give me a ring?

Man: Yes, of course. If I knew your number.

Two birds were sitting in a tree as a jet plane passed overheadIN THE SKY ABOVE.

"Look at the speed of that bird!" said the younger bird.

The older bird replied, "If your tailANIMAL'S REAR BODY APPENDAGE was on fire, you'd go that fast too."

Fish A: "How the hellINFORMAL FOR 'HOW ON EARTH' did we end up in this aquarium?"

Fish B: "Well, if we had kept our mouths shut, we wouldn’t have been caught."

A woman woke up in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from the bed. But in the quietnessSILENCE of the house, she could hear sounds downstairs.

So she put on a robeDRESSING GOWN, went downstairs, and looked around, but still couldn’t find her husband.

As she listened harder, she began to hear faintSOFT AND NOT LOUD sounds of someone moaningMAKING A SAD SOUND. She went down into the basementROOM UNDER THE HOUSE and saw her husband crouchedSQUATTING DOWN in a corner, sobbingCRYING LOUDLY into his hands.

"What’s wrong with you?" she asked.

"Remember when your dad caught us having sex when we were 16? Remember he told me I had two choices: either I married you, or I spent the next 20 years in jail?"

BaffledCONFUSED, she said, "Yes, I remember that."

The husband looked at her, started sobbingCRYING LOUDLY again, and said, "I would’ve got out today!"

Let's look at these three: engaged, overhead, and aquarium.
  • They got engaged last summer and are planning the wedding.
  • The fireworks exploded overhead and lit up the night sky.
  • We took the kids to see the sharks at the aquarium.
These jokes use conditionals to build humour from imagined situations. Conditionals often follow this structure: if + past simple, would + base verb. They help us explore unreal or hypothetical ideas — perfect for punchlines!
  • If we got engaged, would you give me a ring?
  • If your tail was on fire, you'd go that fast too.
  • If we had kept our mouths shut, we wouldn't have been caught.

© —TThis blog shares jokes passed along from person to person, over time. I claim ownership to none of them. Feel free to copy, share, or tell them at your wedding, your next dinner party, or braaivleis, or bar mitzvah. Drop your favourite clean joke in the comment section and we'll happily share it.

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a husband with a temper

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Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer A woman goes to the doctor's, worried about her husband's temper MOOD OR EMOTIONAL STATE . The doctor asks, "What is the problem?" The woman says, "Doctor, I do not know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper BECOME ANGRY SUDDENLY for no reason. It scares me IT MAKES ME AFRAID ." The doctor says, "I have a solution for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry FEELING OR SHOWING STRONG UNHAPPINESS OR ANNOYANCE , just take a glass of water and start swishing MOVING LIQUID AROUND IN YOUR MOUTH WITHOUT SWALLOWING it in your mouth. Just swish MOVE LIQUID AROUND IN YOUR MOUTH and swish, but do not swallow CAUSE TO GO DOWN THE THROAT INTO THE STOMACH it until he either leaves the room or calms down." Two weeks later, the woman comes ...
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