ESL JOKES

Learn English With Jokes • Ret's ESL Jokes ☀ / ☾ theme Learn English With Jokes Confession & Lemons Intermediate · Past Simple · Present Simple ✦ Survolez les mots en ambre pour voir les définitions en français. Man HOMME to his priest PRÊTRE : "Yesterday I had sex with a 17-year-old girl." Priest: " Squeeze PRESSER 17 lemons CITRONS and drink the juice all at once D'UN SEUL COUP ." Man: "And that will take away my sin PÉCHÉ ?" Priest: "No, but it will take away that stupid grin UN GRAND SOURIRE on your face." 📘 Key Vocabulary + priest PRÊTRE squeeze PRESSER ...

Learn English With Jokes • Ret's ESL Jokes ☀ / ☾ theme Learn English With Jokes The Bear & the Christian Intermediate · Past Simple · Present Simple ✦ Survolez les mots en ambre pour voir les définitions en français. A man is walking MARCHANT through the woods BOIS / FORÊT when he sees a bear charging CHARGER / FONCER at him. He books it FUIT À TOUTE VITESSE (argot) , but he knows he can't outrun COURIR PLUS VITE QUE a bear for long, so he starts praying PRIER , "Dear Lord, I beseech thee "CHER SEIGNEUR, JE T'EN SUPPLIE" (archaïque) ." "Please, o Lord, please let this bear be a Christian!" The bear catches up to him, knocks RENVERSE him down on the ground, then gets on its knees GENOUX and says, "Dear Lord, thank you fo...

Learn English With Jokes • Ret's ESL Jokes ☀ / ☾ theme Learn English With Jokes The New Parrot Intermediate · Past Simple · Present Simple ✦ Survolez les mots en ambre pour voir les définitions en français. A man buys a parrot PERROQUET and brings him home. But the parrot starts insulting him and getting nasty MÉCHANT , so the man picks up the parrot and throws it into the freezer CONGÉLATEUR to teach him a lesson. He hears the bird screeching POUSSANT DES CRIS STRIDENTS for a few minutes, then total silence. He opens the freezer door and the parrot walks out, looks up at him and says, "I'm sorry if I offended you, I humbly ask for your forgiveness PARDON | RÉMISSION ." The man says, "Well, that's okay. I forgive you....

Learn English With Jokes • Ret's ESL Jokes ☀ / ☾ theme Learn English With Jokes Takes The Cake Intermediate · Past Simple · Present Simple ✦ Survolez les mots en ambre pour voir les définitions en français. A man hears from a doctor that his end is near IL VA BIENTÔT MOURIR so he heads over SE DIRIGE to his lawyer's office to draft RÉDIGER | ÉTABLIR a will TESTAMENT . The secretary watches as the man walks into the lawyer's office, and sees him four minutes later walk away in a huff VEXÉ | FÂCHÉ . "Can I help you, sir?" asks the secretary, dashing SE PRÉCIPITANT after the obviously annoyed FÂCHÉ | VEXÉ | ÉNERVÉ man. "Help me?" the man says. "Help me? This guy's completely mad FOU ! I asked him to help me...

Learn English With Jokes • Ret's ESL Jokes ☀ / ☾ theme Learn English With Jokes Two Elderly Couples Intermediate · Past Simple · Present Simple ✦ Survolez les mots en ambre pour voir les définitions en français. Two elderly PERSONNES ÂGÉES couples are enjoying a friendly conversation when one of the men asks the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?" " Outstanding EXCEPTIONNELLE ," Fred replies. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques, visualisation, association — it made a huge difference for me." "That's great! What was the name of the clinic?" Fred goes blank A UN TROU DE MÉMOIRE . He tries to think hard but just can't remember. Then a smile breaks acros...

Learn English With Jokes • Ret's ESL Jokes ☀ / ☾ theme Learn English With Jokes Pig! Intermediate · Past Simple · Present Simple ✦ Survolez les mots en ambre pour voir les définitions en français. A man is driving up a steep RAIDE and narrow ÉTROITE mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out SE PENCHA À L'EXTÉRIEUR of her car window and yells " PIG! COCHON ! " The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, " BITCH! SALOPE ! " They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds TOURNE the next corner, he crashes into PERCUTE a pig right there in the middle of the road, and dies. 📘 Key Vocabulary + ...