ESL JOKES

Learn English With Jokes Passez la souris ou touchez les mots soulignés pour voir la traduction. Two campers are walking through the forest when a huge grizzly bear OURS GRIZZLI suddenly appears in a clearing CLAIRIÈRE about 50 metres in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to move toward them. The first camper drops his backpack SAC À DOS , takes out a pair of sneakers BASKETS , and frantically FRÉNÉTIQUEMENT starts putting them on. The second camper says, “What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun COURIR PLUS VITE QUE that bear.” “I don’t need to outrun COURIR PLUS VITE QUE the bear,” the first camper says. “I just need to outrun COURIR PLUS VITE QUE you.” Vocabulary Outrun: to run faster than s...

Learn English With Jokes Passez la souris ou touchez les mots soulignés pour voir la traduction. A man finds an old brass lamp LAMPE EN LAITON on the beach. It’s very sandy, so he picks it up and rubs it LA FROTTA . Wouldn’t you know, it starts to emit a plume VOLUTE of multicoloured smoke and a djinni DJINN appears. The djinni says, “For freeing me from this lamp I offer you three wishes.” The man cuts him off L’INTERROMPIT , “I know, I know, three wishes! My first wish is to have €200 billion, free and clear, in the bank.” The djinni says, “It shall be as you wish, but you did not let me finish. In order to dissuade you TE DÉCOURAGER from making greedy and selfish wishes, whatever you wish for, your worst enemy will receive it twice over.” “Oh, that’s just fine! Now that I am wealthy, I no longer have ill will RANCUNE toward my enemy. In fact, for my seco...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer. This American-Indian boy went to his mother one day with a puzzled look REGARD PERPLEXE on his face. “Mum,” he said, “why is my big brother named Thunderstorm?” The mother replied, “Because he was conceived FUT CONÇU during a violent storm.” The boy asked, “And why is our sister named Running Deer?” His mother answered, “Your father and I were chasing each other NOUS NOUS POURCHASSIONS just before we made love and conceived her.” “And why is our other sister called Starlight?” “Because a beautiful sun was rising while she was being conceived.” Thoughtfully PENSIVEMENT , his mother paused, then said, “But… why are you asking all these questions, Torn Rubber LATEX TROUÉ ?” Vocabulary Puzzled look: an expression showing confusion or uncertainty. Conceived: to become pregnant; to create...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer. A mother took her little boy to church EMMENA SON PETIT GARÇON À L’ÉGLISE . While in church PENDANT LA MESSE , the little boy said, “Mummy, I have to pee FAIRE PIPI .” The mother said to the little boy, “It’s not appropriate APPROPRIÉ to say the word ‘pee’ in church. So, from now on DÉSORMAIS , whenever you have to ‘pee’, just tell me that you have to whisper CHUCHOTER .” The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his father ALLA À L’ÉGLISE AVEC SON PÈRE and during the service said to him, “Daddy, I have to whisper.” The father looked at him and said, “Okay, just whisper in my ear OREILLE .” Vocabulary To pee: to urinate (informal). To whisper: to speak very softly. The boy said he had to pee FAIRE PIPI . ...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer. After a lengthy trial, Bob is found guilty and sentenced to life in a medium security prison PRISON DE SÉCURITÉ MOYENNE . Arriving just in time for the daily lunch, Bob introduces himself to his fellow inmates DÉTENUS as he waits in line for the meal. Somebody yells out “56!”, and everyone around Bob starts laughing. “143!” another inmate DÉTENU declares, and the laughter continues. “ What’s with QU’EST-CE QUI SE PASSE AVEC the numbers?” Bob asks. “Those are jokes,” replies inmate DÉTENU Tom. “All of us have been here so long we memorised AVONS MÉMORISÉ every joke, so each joke is represented by a number.” Bob, wanting to fit in S’INTÉGRER , yells out “three thousand, three hundred and thirty-three!” After a moment of silence, the prison erupts in guffaws ÉCLATS DE RIRE . Tom slaps him on the back and says, “Goo...

Learn English With Jokes Passez la souris ou touchez les mots soulignés pour voir la traduction. A man being mugged SE FAISAIT AGRESSER ET VOLER by two thugs MALFRATS managed to put up a good fight SE DÉFENDIT BIEN . Eventually, the thugs subdued him LE MAÎTRISÈRENT and took his wallet PORTEFEUILLE . Finding only two euros inside, one of the surprised thugs asked, “Why did you put up such a fight?” The man quickly replied, “I was afraid you would find TROUVERIEZ the €600 hidden CACHÉS in my shoe!” Vocabulary Thug: a violent or aggressive criminal. Wallet: a small case for carrying money or cards. Two thugs VOYOUS attacked a man in the street. They found only two euros in his wal...