ESL JOKES

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer Three guys are drinking at a bar and talking about their favourite bars. The first guy says, " As good as this bar is ALTHOUGH THIS BAR IS VERY GOOD , I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee SMALL place. The landlord BAR OWNER goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink." "Well," said the second man, "At my local in London, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two." "Ahhh, dat's INFORMAL FOR "THAT'S" nothin'," said the third guy, "Back home in my favourite pub, the moment you set foot ENTER in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually IN FACT . Then, when you've had eno...

Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer It was a long day at work, and George decided to leave his London office and walk to the pub INFORMAL WORD FOR A BAR OR TAVERN across the street to get a few drinks. The rain was pouring FALLING HEAVILY ↔ DES SEAUX as he stepped out, and there was a big puddle A SMALL BODY OF WATER ON THE GROUND in front of the pub. As he crossed the street, he noticed a ragged WEARING OLD OR TORN CLOTHES ↔ LOOKING UNTIDY old man was standing there with a rod A THIN, STRAIGHT STICK, OFTEN USED FOR FISHING and hanging a string into the puddle. His curiosity piqued INCREASED ↔ BECAME MORE ↔ GOT AROUSED , he stopped next to the old man and asked what he was doing. “ Fishing TRYING TO CATCH FISH ,” the old man said simply without looking at George. “ Poor old fool A PITYING WAY TO CALL SOMEONE SILLY ,” George thought, and he invited the ragged old ...

Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub A BAR/TAVERN IN THE COUNTRYSIDE, AWAY FROM CITIES . She gestures alluringly IN A VERY ATTRACTIVE, SEXY WAY to the bartender SOMEONE WHO MAKES AND SERVES DRINKS AT A PUB , who comes over APPROACHES OR MOVES TOWARDS SOMEONE immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his full beard A THICK GROWTH OF FACIAL HAIR ON THE CHIN AND CHEEKS . “Are you the manager?” she asks, softly stroking his face MOVING HER HAND GENTLY OVER HIS FACE with both hands. “ Actually USED TO CORRECT OR CLARIFY SOMETHING , no,” the man replies. “Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,” she says, running her hands beyond FURTHER THAN; PAST his beard and into his hai...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer The funny thing about teen pregnancy WHEN A TEENAGER BECOMES PREGNANT is that before it happens all you hear is "Don't do it! You'll regret it! You'll lose your freedom! Make the responsible choice!" Then after it happens, they say, "We're still disappointed SADDENED BY UNSATISFIED EXPECTATIONS , but we can make the best of this TURN SETBACKS INTO OPPORTUNITIES . It’s not the end of the world." Stupid auto-correct WHEN YOUR DEVICE CHANGES WHAT YOU TYPED : I meant Trump’s presidency WHEN TRUMP WAS PRESIDENT OF THE USA , not teen pregnancy REPEATED FOR EMPHASIS – USED HERE AS A COMIC MIX-UP . 🔍 Vocabulary Regret means to feel sorry about something you did or didn’t do. ...

Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer A woman was standing on a street corner THE PLACE WHERE TWO STREETS MEET waiting for a bus when she happened to notice a weighing machine A MACHINE THAT SAYS HOW HEAVY YOU ARE . She fumbled SEARCHED CLUMSILY OR WITH DIFFICULTY through her handbag A WOMAN'S BAG FOR CARRYING PERSONAL THINGS for a dime A COIN WORTH TEN CENTS , and went over to the machine to insert the coin. Out came a card that said: “You weigh 57 kilograms, and in 30 seconds you will pass wind A POLITE WAY TO SAY 'FART' .” Sure enough, after 30 seconds, she broke wind ANOTHER POLITE WAY TO SAY 'FARTED' . Astonished that the machine was correct, she found another ten-cent coin and returned to the weighing machine. After inserting the coin, out popped another card that read: “You still weigh 57 kilograms, and in 30 seconds, a really attractive GOOD-LOOKING guy will ...

Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer A Texan PERSON FROM TEXAS, USA bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar and announced that his wife had just given birth to a typical Texas baby, weighing a whopping twenty pounds ABOUT 9 KILOGRAMS . “Wow!” was the response from everyone at the bar PLACE WHERE ALCOHOLIC DRINKS ARE SERVED . A few days later, the Texan returned. The bartender PERSON WHO SERVES DRINKS IN A BAR recognised him and asked, “Aren’t you the father of the baby who weighed twenty pounds at birth? How much does he weigh now?” The proud father replied, “Ten pounds.” The bartender said, “Why? I know babies lose some weight after birth, but ten pounds? He did weigh twenty pounds, didn’t he? What happened?” The Texan answered, “Just had him circumcised SURGICAL REMOVAL OF FORESKIN FROM THE PENIS !” Let's look at these three: ...