ESL JOKES

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer. A woman went to the dentist's LE CABINET DU DENTISTE . As he leaned over SE PENCHA to begin working on her, she grabbed SAISIT his testicles. The dentist said, “Madam, I believe JE CROIS you have just grabbed SAISIT my testicles.” The woman replied RÉPONDIT , “Yes. We're going to NOUS ALLONS be careful PRUDENTS not to hurt each other NOUS FAIRE MAL , aren't we N’EST-CE PAS ?” Vocabulary Dentist: a doctor who treats teeth and oral health. Grabbed: took hold of something suddenly and roughly. Testicles: the two male reproductive glands (informal: balls). She went to the dentist's LE CABINET DU DENTISTE for a check-up. He leaned over SE PENCHA to examine her teeth. She suddenly grabbed SAISIT his arm. Grammar Past simple is used for completed actions in a story. Tag qu...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer. Oliver and Chloe were making passionate love in Oliver's van FOURGON when suddenly Chloe, who was a bit on the kinky PERVERS side and had just read "Fifty Shades of Grey" ROMAN ÉROTIQUE CÉLÈBRE , yelled out: "Oh, big boy, whip me FOUETTE-MOI ! Whip me!" Oliver, not wanting to miss this unique opportunity, obviously didn’t have any whips FOUETS to hand. But in a flash of inspiration, he opened the window, snapped the antenna ANTENNE (DE VOITURE) off his van FOURGON , and proceeded to whip Chloe until they both collapsed in sado-masochistic ecstasy. About a week later, Chloe noticed that the marks MARQUES left by the whipping session were not healing and were starting to fester S'INFECTER a bit, so she went to the doctor. The doctor took one look at the wounds and asked, "Did you get these marks having sex?...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer. When he was a teen ADO , Donald Trump once walked into a county library BIBLIOTHÈQUE DU COMTÉ , approached the librarian BIBLIOTHÉCAIRE and said, “I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries FRITES , please.” The librarian looked at him sternly D’UN AIR SÉVÈRE and said, “Excuse me, but you know you’re in a library, right N’EST-CE PAS ?” “ Sorry ,” young Trump whispered MURMURA . “ I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries FRITES , please. ” Vocabulary Teen: a young person aged between 13 and 19. Librarian: a person who works in a library ( not a bookstore ) helping visitors. Whisper: to speak very softly so that only nearby people can hear. As a teen EN TANT QU’ADOLESCENT , he spent hours ...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer. Two men were walking their dogs one day. The first man said, “My dog is very patient QUI SAIT ATTENDRE SANS SE PLAINDRE. . I swear he never moves until I tell him.” The second man asked, “What is his name?” The first man replied, “ Wait for it EXPRESSION UTILISÉE POUR CRÉER DU SUSPENSE (« ATTENDS UN PEU… »), MAIS ICI COMPRISE LITTÉRALEMENT : LE CHIEN DOIT ATTENDRE. .” Teacher: Why are you eating your homework, Johnny? Johnny: Because you said it was a piece of cake MORCEAU DE GÂTEAU (TRÈS FACILE) ! Why didn’t the skeleton SQUELETTE go to the party? Because he had no body PE...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer. Donald Trump is flying in his private jet along with ACCOMPAGNÉ DE Donald Jr, Ivanka, and Melania. He says, “I think I shall throw JETTERAI a $20 bill out the window. Some person down below EN BAS will find it and be very happy!” Donald Jr then says, “Wait, you should throw JETTER out two $10 bills. Two people down below EN BAS will find them and be very happy!” Ivanka then says, “Wait, leave it to me LAISSEZ-MOI FAIRE : you should throw JETTER out four $5 bills. Four people will find them and be very happy!” Melania then says, “Oh, for heaven’s sake POUR L’AMOUR DU CIEL ! Just jump out the window yourself TOI-MÊME and everyone in the world will be very happy!” Vocabulary Private jet: a small aircraft owned or hired by a wealthy individual. Bill: a banknote (American English for a piece o...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer. A man went to see his doctor, worried about his wife’s hearing L’OUÏE . The doctor said, “Stand behind her and say something, then tell me how close PROCHE you are when she hears you.” The man went home and saw his wife cutting carrots on the kitchen countertop PLAN DE TRAVAIL . From about fifteen feet away, he asked, “Darling, what’s for dinner?” Nothing. He walked halfway À MI-CHEMIN closer and repeated the question. Still nothing. Finally, he stood right behind her and asked again, “What’s for dinner?” She turned around and said, “For the third time… beef stew!” Vocabulary Hearing: the ability to perceive sound. Countertop: a flat surface in a kitchen. Halfway: ...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer. Donald Trump HOMME D’AFFAIRES ET HOMME POLITIQUE AMÉRICAIN CONTROVERSÉ was walking through Manhattan ARRONDISSEMENT DE NEW YORK when he noticed a long queue FILE D’ATTENTE . Curious, he decided to join it. People would glance over their shoulders JETÈRENT UN COUP D’ŒIL PAR-DESSUS L’ÉPAULE , realise it was Donald Trump HOMME D’AFFAIRES ET HOMME POLITIQUE AMÉRICAIN CONTROVERSÉ behind them, and then quietly leave the queue. As a result, he moved steadily closer to the front. When he was almost at the head of the queue TÊTE DE LA FILE , he turned to one man — who also seemed ready to walk away — and asked, “What is this queue for, and why are you leaving?” The man replied, “This is the queue ...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer. One morning, a patient arrived at a doctor’s surgery complaining of severe back pain. The doctor examined him and asked, “All right, what happened to your back?” The patient said, “You know I work at a local nightclub, don’t you?” He continued, “This morning I came home early to my flat APPARTEMENT and heard a noise in my bedroom. When I went in, I realised someone had been with my wife. Then I saw that the French window PORTE-FENÊTRE to the balcony was open.” “I hurried out onto the balcony but found no one. Looking down, I saw a man running COURANT out of the building and putting his clothes on S’HABILLANT in a hurry.” “And?” the doctor said. “I grabbed SAISIS the fridge and threw it at him — that’s how I strained my back.” A second...