A man rubsFROTTE a magic lamp and a
genieGĂNIE APPARAĂT appears.
“You get one wishVĆU,” says the genie.
The man thinks and says, “I’m scaredJ’AI PEUR of travelling by
planeAVION.
I wish for a bridgePONT from California to Hawaii so I can drive there.”
The genie rolls his eyesLEVA LES YEUX AU CIEL.
“Do you have any idea what you’re asking? That’s
thousands of milesDES MILLIERS DE KILOMĂTRES
of ocean. It would take structural engineering
beyond beliefAU-DELĂ DE TOUTE IMAGINATION —
billions of tons of concreteDES TONNES DE BĂTON and
steelACIER.
Come on, man, wish for something else.”
The man nodsHOCHA LA TĂTE and says,
“All right, then. I wish to understand women…
what makes them tickCE QUI LES FAIT FONCTIONNER.”
The genie pauses, swallows hardAVALA SA SALIVE AVEC DIFFICULTĂ, and asks,
“Do you want two lanes or fourDEUX VOIES OU QUATRE on that bridge?”
Vocabulary
Roll one’s eyes: to show disbelief or irritation.
Beyond belief: so extreme that it is hard to imagine.
She rolls her eyesLEVA LES YEUX AU CIEL at the suggestion.
The cost was beyond beliefAU-DELĂ DE TOUTE IMAGINATION.
Grammar
The joke mainly uses present simple for narration and modal verbs for hypothetical requests.
Present simple (narrative present): A genie appears and says.
Modal verb “would”: It would take structural engineering beyond belief.
Synonyms & Alternatives
Wish: desire, request.
Scared: frightened, afraid.
Mini Dialogue
Daniel: I’m scaredAI PEUR of speaking in public.
Imogen: That’s beyond beliefAU-DELĂ DE TOUTE IMAGINATION — you’re brilliant at it!
Daniel: I wish I could understand what makes audiences tick.
An old man is hospitalised for a routine check-up. His
denturesSON DENTIER FUT RETIRĂ
have been removed.
A nurse stops by to check on him and sees a bowl of peanuts on the patient's
bedside tableSUR SA TABLE DE CHEVET.
He asks the old gentleman if he could have some.
Because he has no teeth, the old man replies with some difficulty:
“Go ahead, young man,
help yourselfSERVEZ-VOUS.”
So the nurse takes a small
handfulUNE POIGNĂE
and throws it into his mouth.
The next day, the same nurse asks the old man if he can have some more peanuts.
The old man says, “Of course, young man, take as many as you like.”
And the same thing happens for a few more days. On the last day there are only a few peanuts at the bottom of the bowl.
The nurse hesitates, but says to the old man, “Do you think I can have the rest of them?”
The old man replies, still with difficulty and without dentures,
“Go ahead, take what’s left. Anyway
I will be dischargedON ME LAISSERA SORTIR
tomorrow.”
The nurse takes the last handful of peanuts and, with his mouth still full, says to the old man,
“Those were very good. Thanks very much.”
And the old man answers,
“I enjoyed them too, young one, but they are really much better when covered with chocolate.”
Vocabulary
Dentures: artificial teeth that can be removed.
Handful: the amount that fits in one hand.
His denturesDENTIER had been removed.
The nurse took a handfulPOIGNĂE of peanuts.
Grammar
The joke mainly uses present simple for narration and future forms for hospital procedure.
Present simple (narrative present): A nurse stops by and sees a bowl of peanuts.
Future passive: I will be discharged tomorrow.
Synonyms & Alternatives
Dentures: false teeth, dental plate.
Help yourself: please take some, go ahead.
Mini Dialogue
Arthur: I left my denturesDENTIER at home before the dinner.
Beatrice: Then how did you manage the steak?
Arthur: I only took a small handfulPOIGNĂE of mashed potatoes.
A woman and her lover are in bed when she suddenly hears her husband’s car
pulling into the garageQUI ENTRE DANS LE GARAGE.
The unfaithfulINFIDĂLE wife panics.
“Quick! Hide!” she hissesSIFFLA-T-ELLE.
The lover, completely nakedNU,
dashes into the bathroomSE PRĂCIPITE DANS LA SALLE DE BAINS
while she frantically shoves his clothesFOURRA SES VĂTEMENTS under the bed.
Just in time. The husband, not having seen his wife anywhere else in the house, walks into the bedroom and asks:
“And what exactly are you doing
lying here nakedALLONGĂE ICI TOUTE NUE on the bed?”
“Darling,” she says sweetly, “I heard your car and thought I’d give you a surprise.”
“Yeah, brilliant,” he replies. “I’ll just
pop to the bathroomPASSER PAR LA SALLE DE BAINS
and be right back.”
Before she can stop him, the husband steps into the bathroom and finds the lover standing there
stark nakedCOMPLĂTEMENT NU, arms in the air, clapping his hands.
“What on earthBON SANG are you doing here?” demands the husband.
“I’m from the pest control company,” the lover answers calmly. “Your wife
called us inNOUS A FAITS VENIR
to deal with a moth problemUN PROBLĂME DE MITES in the house.”
“But… you haven’t got any clothes on!” says the husband, incredulous.
The lover looks down at himself, pretends to be shocked, and says:
“Oh, those filthyIMMONDES little things!”
Vocabulary
To dash into (a place): to run quickly or rush suddenly into somewhere.
Stark naked: completely naked, not wearing any clothes at all.
The lover dashes into the bathroomSE PRĂCIPITE DANS LA SALLE DE BAINS when he hears the husband.
The husband finds him stark nakedCOMPLĂTEMENT NU and clapping his hands.
Grammar
The joke mainly uses past simple to narrate the sequence of events, with present simple in direct speech and a present participle for ongoing action.
Past simple narration: The lover dashed into the bathroom; the husband walked into the bedroom.
Direct speech in the present: “What on earth are you doing here?” uses present continuous to describe an action in progress.
Synonyms & Alternatives
Filthy: dirty, disgusting.
To call someone in: to summon, to bring in (for professional help).
Mini Dialogue
Emma: I called the electrician inAI FAIT VENIR L’ĂLECTRICIEN to deal with the wiring.
Josh: What on earth are you doing lyingEN TRAIN DE T’ALLONGER on the kitchen floor?
Emma: I nearly slipped; I just dashed into the bathroomME SUIS PRĂCIPITĂE DANS LA SALLE DE BAINS to clean my hands.
Josh: Look at these filthyIMMONDES tiles, we really need someone to help.
A man got a flat tyreA CREVĂ SON PNEU on a deserted country road. He pulled overIL S’EST GARĂ and started changing itLE CHANGEAIT.
Suddenly, another car screeched to a haltS’EST ARRĂTĂE PILE in front of him. The driver jumped out, grabbedA SAISI a 5-kg sledgehammerMASSE, and began smashing the windscreenĂ DĂFONCER LE PARE-BRISE.
The man with the flat tyre yelledA HURLĂ, “Are you insaneTU ES FOU?! What are you doing?!”
The stranger swung againA FRAPPĂ DE NOUVEAU and said, “Relax. If you’re taking the wheelsTU PRENDS LES ROUES, I’ll take the stereoJE PRENDRAI L’AUTORADIO.”
Vocabulary
Sledgehammer: a large, heavy hammer with a long handle used for powerful blows.
Screech to a halt: to stop suddenly with a loud, high-pitched braking sound.
The driver grabbedA SAISI a sledgehammerMASSE and started smashing.
Another car screeched to a haltS’EST ARRĂTĂE PILE in front of him.
Grammar
The joke primarily uses the past simple for completed narrative actions and the present continuous in a conditional clause to describe an assumed ongoing action.
Past simple: A man got a flat tyre… He pulled over and started changing it.
Present continuous in conditional: If you’re taking the wheels, I’ll take the stereo.
Synonyms & Alternatives
Sledgehammer: heavy hammer, demolition hammer.
Screeched to a halt: braked sharply, slammed to a stop.
Mini Dialogue
Emma: Why did you grabSAISIR that huge tool?
Liam: If you’re taking the best partsTU PRENDS LES MEILLEURES PIĂCES, I’ll take the engine!
