mental institution

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During a visit to a mental asylumUN ASILE PSYCHIATRIQUE, a man asked the director how they determined whetherSI a patient should be institutionalised.

The director explained, “Well, we fill up a bathtubNOUS REMPLISSONS UNE BAIGNOIRE. Then we give the person a teaspoonUNE CUILLÈRE À CAFÉ, a teacupUNE TASSE À THÉ, and a bucketUN SEAU, and ask them to emptyDE VIDER the bathtub.”

The man nodded confidentlyHOCHA LA TÊTE AVEC ASSURANCE. “Oh, I see! A normal person would use the bucket, because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”

The director frowned slightlyFRONÇA LÉGÈREMENT LES SOURCILS, then gestured to the orderliesFIT UN GESTE AUX SURVEILLANTS. “No, a normal person would pull the bathtub drain plugTIRER LA BONDE DE LA BAIGNOIRE. Now then… would you preferPRÉFÉRERIEZ-VOUS a bed near the window?”

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Vocabulary

Frown: to wrinkle the forehead in disapproval or thought.

Gesture: to make a movement with the hand or head to express an idea.

The director frowned slightlyFRONÇA LÉGÈREMENT LES SOURCILS at the man’s answer.

He gestured to the orderliesFIT UN GESTE AUX SURVEILLANTS before speaking.

Grammar

The joke mainly uses past simple to narrate events and reported speech, with a mix of past continuous and conditional structures for the explanation and final question.

Past simple: The director explained and the man nodded.

Reported speech / indirect question: A man asked the director how they determined whether a patient should be institutionalised.

Synonyms & Alternatives

Frowned slightly: scowled a little, looked puzzled.

Nodded confidently: agreed assuredly, bobbed his head surely.

Mini Dialogue

Doctor: We fill the basin and give Mr. Dupont a spoon, a mug, and a pail to empty it.

Visitor: Ah, a sane person would choose the pail!

Doctor: No, he would pull the drain plugTIRER LA BONDE.

Doctor: Would you prefer a room with a view?

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© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

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pig!

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A man is driving up a steepRAIDE and narrowÉTROITE mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road.

As they pass each other, the woman leans outSE PENCHA À L’EXTÉRIEUR of her car window and yells "PIG!"

The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "BITCH!"

They each continue on their way, and as the man roundsTOURNA the next corner, he crashes intoPERCUTA a pig right there in the middle of the road, and dies.

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Vocabulary

To lean out: to move your upper body outside (e.g. through a window).

To crash into: to hit something violently, often by accident.

She leans outSE PENCHA À L’EXTÉRIEUR of the window to shout.

He crashes intoPERCUTA an obstacle on the road.

Grammar

The joke mainly uses past simple for narration, with sequencing of actions creating irony.

Past simple: The woman yelled and the man replied.

Sequential actions: As he rounded the corner, he crashed into a pig.

Synonyms & Alternatives

Lean out: stick out, bend out.

Crash into: collide with, smash into.

Mini Dialogue

Tom: I leaned outME PENCHAI À L’EXTÉRIEUR of the train window to take a photo.

James: Careful, you could crash intoPERCUTER something!

Tom: Don’t worry, I only did it for a second.

James: Still sounds risky to me.

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© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

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at an auction

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Little Johnny attended a horse auctionVENTE AUX ENCHÈRES with his father.

He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs and rumpCROUPE, and chest.

After a few minutes, Johnny asked, “Dad, why are you doing that?”

His father replied, “Because when I’m buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shapeEN PLEINE FORME before I buy.”

Johnny, looking worried, said, “Dad, I think the postmanFACTEUR wants to buy Mum.”

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Vocabulary

Rump: the hindquarters or rear part of an animal.

In good shape: physically fit and healthy.

The father checks the horse’s rumpCROUPE.

He wants the horses to be in good shapeEN PLEINE FORME.

Grammar

The joke mainly uses past simple to narrate events and direct speech, with a mix of present continuous for ongoing actions and present simple in reported explanations.

Past simple: Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father.

Present continuous: He is running his hands up and down the horse’s legs.

Reported / direct speech: “Dad, why are you doing that?”

Synonyms & Alternatives

Rump: hindquarters, rear.

In good shape: fit, sound.

Mini Dialogue

Tommy: Why are you feeling the dog’s legs and back like that?

Father: Because when I’m buying dogs, I have to make sure they are healthy and in good shapeEN PLEINE FORME before I buy.

Tommy: Dad, I think the milkman wants to buy Mum!

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© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

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arithmetic

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Boy: “I failedN’AI PAS RÉUSSI EN arithmetic.”

Father: “Why?”

Boy: “When the teacher asked ‘How much isCOMBIEN FONT 2 × 4?’ I answered ‘eight’.”

Father: “But that’s correct!”

Boy: “Then she said, ‘How much is 4 × 2?’”

Father: “What’s the f*cking difference?”

Boy: “That’s exactly what I asked her too!”

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Vocabulary

Fail: not to succeed in an exam or subject.

How much is…: a question used to ask for the result of a calculation.

He failedN’A PAS RÉUSSI EN his maths test.

The teacher asked, “How much isCOMBIEN FONT 6 × 7?”

Grammar

The joke relies on simple past narration and direct questions.

Past simple: The teacher asked a question and the boy answered.

Question form (wh-question): How much is 2 × 4?

Synonyms & Alternatives

Fail: not pass.

How much is: what is the result of.

Mini Dialogue

Oliver: I failedN’AI PAS RÉUSSI EN my driving theory test.

Henry: Really? What happened?

Oliver: The examiner asked, “How much isCOMBIEN FONT 90 minus 30?”

Henry: And you still got it wrong?

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© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

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visiting a prisoner

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A woman went to visit her husbandSON MARI in prison. They sat across from each other and talked for a long time.

When the guard finally announced that visiting hours were overQUE L’HEURE DES VISITES ÉTAIT TERMINÉE, she stood up to leave. But just before reaching the door, she turned back to the correction officerSURVEILLANT PÉNITENTIAIRE.

“You really shouldn’t make my husband work so hard,” she said angrilyAVEC COLÈRE. “The poor man is completely exhausted!”

The officer burst out laughingÉCLATA DE RIRE. “Work? Ma’amMADAME, I don’t know what he’s been telling you, but all he does is eat, sleep, and sit in his cellDANS SA CELLULE. He doesn’t even go out to the yardLA COUR!”

The wife’s face flushed with furyS’EMPORPRA DE COLÈRE. “Don’t you lie to meNE ME MENS PAS!” she snapped. “He just told me he’s been digging a tunnelQU’IL CREUSAIT UN TUNNEL every single day for months!”

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Vocabulary

Burst out laughing: to suddenly begin laughing loudly.

Flushed with fury: to suddenly go red in the face because of strong anger.

The officer burst out laughingÉCLATA DE RIRE.

The wife’s face flushed with furyS’EMPORPRA DE COLÈRE.

Grammar

The joke mainly uses past simple to narrate the sequence of events and past perfect continuous to describe an action that began in the past and continued up to another past moment.

Past simple: She stood up to leave and turned back to the officer.

Past perfect continuous: He just told me he had been digging a tunnel every single day for months.

Synonyms & Alternatives

Burst out laughing: exploded with laughter, roared with laughter.

Flushed with fury: went red with rage, turned crimson with anger.

Mini Dialogue

Mrs Thompson: You shouldn’t make my son study so hard. The poor boy is exhausted!

Teacher: Study? Madam, all he does is chat and look out of the window in class!

Mrs Thompson: Don’t you lie to meNE ME MENS PAS! He told me he had been practisingS’ÉTAIT ENTRAÎNÉ the piano every day for months!

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© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

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