ESL JOKES

Learn English With Jokes Passez la souris sur (ou touchez longuement) les mots soulignés pour voir la traduction. I UNE FOIS once took a sex education class at university, and a DRÔLE funny thing happened one day. The teacher arrived and told us NOUS ALLIONS we'd be discussing sex positions that day, and asked us how many positions we knew. A young girl near me said, "seven." The professor said, "Very good." But as he prepared to ask another student, a BRUYANTE loud voice from the back of the AMPHITHÉÂTRE lecture hall CRIA shouted , "ninety-one!" The professor looked PAR-DESSUS over his glasses but couldn’t really DISTINGUER make out who had spoken. Finally, he called on a guy in the front RANG row , and the guy said, "five." And again from the back, the same voice shouted, "ninety-one!" Finally, t...

Learn English With Jokes Passez la souris sur (ou touchez) les mots soulignés pour voir la traduction. The Pope LE PAPE , the Dalai Lama, and the Archbishop of Canterbury decide to go fishing. They hire ILS LOUÈRENT a boat and row out RAMÈRENT AU LARGE to the middle of a lake. It is a scorching day UNE JOURNÉE TORRIDE , and within an hour or two they have finished all the beer. “Let’s row back to shore REVÎNMES À LA RIVE EN RAMANT and get a carry-out DE QUOI BOIRE À EMPORTER AU PUB from the local pub,” says the Pope. “No need,” says the Dalai Lama. He steps over the side PASSA PAR-DESSUS LE BORD of the boat and calmly walks across the surface of the water to the shore LA RIVE . Ten minutes later, he returns with more beer and steps into the boat REMONTA DANS LE BATEAU . Half an hour later, they run out of beer ILS N’EURENT PLUS DE BIÈRE again. “My turn,” says the Pope. He peers IL REGARDA ATTENTIVE...

Learn English With Jokes Passez la souris sur (ou touchez) les mots soulignés pour voir la traduction. On an international flight VOL , a young woman was having a long conversation with the priest PRÊTRE sitting next to her. They were about to ALLAIENT DE land when the woman, looking slightly embarrassed, said, “Listen, Father, may I ask you for a favour? I bought a luxury massage tool APPAREIL that was quite expensive, and I really don’t want to pay customs fees TAXES DE DOUANE . Could you POURRIEZ‑VOUS hide it under your cassock SORTE DE ROBE LONGUE when we pass through customs LA DOUANE … please?” The priest reluctantly À CONTRECŒUR agreed and hid the massage tool under his cassock. But he warned her, “I’ll do my best, but I cannot lie MENTIR .” At the airport, a customs officer DOUANIER approached the priest and asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?” The priest replied, “From my hea...

Learn English With Jokes Choisissez des blagues selon la grammaire utilisée (à partir des 'labels' au dessus) Passez la souris ou touchez les mots soulignés pour voir la traduction. Two Afrikaner DESCENDANT NEERLANDAIS D’AFRIQUE DU SUD friends, Pieter and Jaco, were chatting DISCUTAIENT before Pieter’s wedding MARIAGE . Pieter admitted, “ Boet FRÈRE … I’m stressing. I’ve never… you know… been with a woman before.” Jaco grinned SOURIAIT LARGEMENT . “Relax, man. I’ve got you JE M’OCCUPE DE TOI / JE GÈRE . I’ll sneak ME FAUFILER DISCRÈTEMENT into the honeymoon suite SUITE NUPTIALE before you arrive, hide behind the curtain LE RIDEAU , and whisper CHUCHOTER instructions.” “You’d do that for me?” “Of course, broer FRÈRE .” So the big day arrived. It was a beautiful wedding and the couple looked happy. Jaco slipped into SE GLISSA DISCRÈTEMENT DANS the honeymoon suite early and hid be...

Learn English With Jokes Passez la souris ou touchez les mots soulignés pour voir la traduction. I like a woman with a head on her shoulders AVEC UNE TÊTE BIEN FAITE SUR LES ÉPAULES . I hate necks LES COUS . Steve Martin Love is like a fart UN PET . If you have to force it, it's probably sh*t. Stephen K. Amos I'm not addicted to cocaine. I just like the way it smells. Richard Pryor If God had written the Bible, the first line should have been AURAIT DÛ ÊTRE : It's round. Eddie Izzard Here's a picture of me with REM. That's me in the corner C’ÉTAIT MOI DANS LE COIN . Milton Jones My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that NOUS VERRONS BIEN CELA . Stewart Francis ...

Learn English With Jokes Passez la souris ou touchez les mots soulignés pour voir la traduction. I tried donating blood… Never again! Too many dumb IDIOTES questions! “ Whose blood is it? À QUI EST CE SANG ? ” “ Where did you get it from? OÙ L’AS-TU PRIS ? ” “ Why is it in a bucket? POURQUOI EST-IL DANS UN SEAU ? ” Vocabulary Blood: the red liquid that circulates in the body. Dumb: stupid or foolish. The donor heard too many dumb IDIOTES questions about his blood SANG . They asked why it was in a bucket SEAU . Grammar The joke uses past simple to narrate a completed past action and past perfect for actions completed before another past moment. Past simple: I tried donating blood. Past perfect: They asked where I had got it from. Synonyms & Alternatives Dumb: stupid, sil...