four nationalities and a street performer

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German stood togetherSE TENAIENT ENSEMBLE, watching an American street performer juggleJONGLER.

The performer noticedREMARQUA that the four men did not have a very good view, so he climbedIL GRIMPA onto a wooden crateUNE CAISSE EN BOIS and called outLANÇA, “Can you all see me now?”

“Yes.”

“Oui.”

“Sí.”

“Ja.”

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Vocabulary

Juggle: to keep several objects in the air by throwing and catching them.

Notice: to become aware of something or someone.

The performer noticedREMARQUA the poor view.

He climbedGRIMPA onto a crate to juggle better.

Grammar

The joke uses past simple for the main narrative sequence of completed actions in storytelling, with present simple in direct speech questions and responses.

Past simple: The performer noticed and climbed onto a crate.

Direct speech / present simple in questions: “Can you all see me now?” (timeless ability question).

Synonyms & Alternatives

Notice: observe, spot, see.

Climb: ascend, mount, get up.

Mini Dialogue

Anna: I noticedAI REMARQUÉ the painting on the wall looks crooked!

Ben: You’re right. I’ll climbGRIMPER the ladder to straighten it.

Anna: Can you juggleJONGLER while you’re up there?

Ben: No chance – I’d drop everything!

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© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

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landing a plane

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An aeroplane is preparing to landS'APPRÊTAIT À ATTERRIR. The pilot and his co-pilot spot the runwayAPERÇURENT LA PISTE and are instantly horrified.

“But it’s tinyMINUSCULE!! We’ll never be able to land on a runway that shortAUSSI COURTE! We’re all going to die! They’re insane for building something this small!”

The tension risesLA TENSION MONTA. The plane descends. At the very last possible moment, it screeches to a stopIL S'ARRÊTA DANS UN CRISSEMENT right at the very end of the runway.

SweatingEN SUEUR but relievedSOULAGÉ, the pilot exclaimsS'EXCLAMA, “That runway was really, really short!”

The co-pilot looks to the right, then to the left, and replies, “Yeah… but wow, was it WIDEQU'EST-CE QU'ELLE ÉTAIT LARGE!”

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Vocabulary

Spot: to catch sight of or notice something, often from a distance.

Screech: to make a loud, harsh, piercing cry or sound, often associated with tyres braking suddenly.

The crew managed to spot the runwayAPERCEVOIR LA PISTE through the thick fog.

The car screeched to a stopS'EST ARRÊTÉE DANS UN CRISSEMENT just before the traffic lights.

Grammar

The joke employs the present continuous to set the immediate scene, but the narrative backbone relies on the past simple for completed actions.

Present Continuous for immediate action: An aeroplane is preparing to land.

Exclamatory Inversion: The co-pilot uses was it wide (adjective + subject) to emphasise the intensity of the width.

Synonyms & Alternatives

Tiny: minuscule, minute.

Relieved: comforted, reassured.

Mini Dialogue

Captain Arthur: We need to spot the runwayAPERCEVOIR LA PISTE before our fuel runs out!

Officer Miller: Look! It is right there, but it looks tinyMINUSCULE from this altitude.

Captain Arthur: I am sweatingEN SUEUR, but I think I can make it if I brake hard.

Officer Miller: Great heavens, that was that shortAUSSI COURTE? We almost hit the grass!

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© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

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in an ice-cream parlour

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A man walked into an ice cream shop and ordered a chocolate cone.

“I’m sorry, sir,” the clerkLE VENDEUR said politely. “We’re out ofEN RUPTURE DE chocolate.”

“Oh, that’s unfortunateC'EST DOMMAGE. In that case, I’ll have a chocolate cone with sprinklesDES VERMICELLES.”

“I apologise, sir, but as I mentioned, we’re out of chocolate.”

“Alright then, how aboutET POURQUOI PAS a chocolate-vanilla twist?”

The clerk paused and leaned forward slightlySE PENCHA LÉGÈREMENT. “Let me ask you something. How do you spell the ‘van’ in ‘vanilla’?”

“V-a-n.”

“Good. We’re on the same pageON EST D'ACCORD. And how do you spell the ‘straw’ in ‘strawberry’?”

“S-t-r-a-w.”

“Excellent. Now, how do you spell the ‘fuck’ in ‘chocolate’?”

The man frownedFRONÇA LES SOURCILS. “There is no ‘fuck’ in ‘chocolate.’”

The clerk threw up his handsLEVA LES BRAS AU CIEL. “That’s exactly what I’ve been trying to tell you!”

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Vocabulary

To frown: to contract the eyebrows to show confusion or annoyance.

To be out of (something): to have none left in stock.

The customer frownedFRONÇA LES SOURCILS when he heard the news.

The shop was out ofFÛMES À COURT DE chocolate all day.

Grammar

The joke mainly uses past simple for narration, with present perfect continuous to stress repeated action.

Past simple: The clerk leaned forward and asked a question.

Present perfect continuous: I have been trying to tell you.

Synonyms & Alternatives

Frowned: scowled, looked displeased.

Threw up his hands: raised his arms in frustration.

Mini Dialogue

Oliver: Are you out ofÊTES À COURT DE printer ink again?

Hannah: Yes, and I’ve been trying to explain it all morning.

Oliver: How aboutQUE DIRIEZ-VOUS DE checking the storage cupboard?

Hannah: I did — and I frownedAI FRONCÉ LES SOURCILS when I saw it was empty.

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© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

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two hunters

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Two hunters were out in the woodsDANS LES BOIS when one of them suddenly collapsesS'EFFONDRA.

He isn’t breathingNE RESPIRAIT PLUS, and his eyes are glassyVITREUX and unfocused.

Panicking, the other hunter pulls outSORTIT his phone and calls emergency servicesLES SECOURS.

“My friend’s deadMORT!” he shouts. “What should I do?”

The operatorOPÉRATRICE replies calmly, “Take a deep breathPRENEZ UNE GRANDE INSPIRATION. I can help. First, let’s make sureASSURONS-NOUS he’s actuallyVRAIMENT dead.”

There’s a brief silence. Then a gunshot rings outUN COUP DE FEU RETENTIT.

The hunter comes back on the lineAU TÉLÉPHONE and says, “Okay. Now what?BON. ET MAINTENANT ?”

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Vocabulary

Collapse: to fall down suddenly (often from illness or shock).

Glassy: (of eyes) dull, lifeless, staring blankly.

The hunter collapsedS'EFFONDRA suddenly in the woods.

His eyes are glassyVITREUX and unfocused.

Grammar

The joke uses past simple for the main narrative sequence and to report sudden events, with present simple in dialogue for immediacy. Past continuous appears for background states.

Past simple: One of them collapsed. The other hunter pulled out his phone.

Present simple in dialogue: “My friend’s dead!” … “Take a deep breath.”

Synonyms & Alternatives

Collapses: falls down, drops, faints.

Glassy: glazed, vacant, lifeless.

Mini Dialogue

Walker: My mate collapsedS'EST EFFONDRÉ on the mountain path!

Rescue operator: Stay calm. First make sureASSUREZ-VOUS he’s actuallyVRAIMENT unconscious.

Walker: Hold on… [sound of thud] Right, now what?ET MAINTENANT ?

Rescue operator: Wait—what did you just do?!

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© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

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a couple in heaven

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A man and his girlfriend die in a car accident and met Saint PeterSAINT PIERRE at the gates of HeavenLES PORTES DU PARADIS. Peter says: “Welcome to Heaven! Do you have any questions?”

The man replies: “Yes. My girlfriend and I never had the chanceN’AVIONS JAMAIS EU L’OCCASION to get married while we were alive. Can we get married in Heaven?”

Peter says: “That’s a good question. I’ll come back when I have the answer.”

Left at the gates, the couple starts talking about love and how long eternity isCOMBIEN L’ÉTERNITÉ EST LONGUE. Six weeks later, Peter returns and says: “Okay, I got the answer. Yes, you can get married in Heaven. Come on in and enjoy eternity together.”

The couple then says: “We have another question. Eternity is really long, and we’re not sure our relationship will lastDURERAIT forever. If it doesn’t work outMARCHAIT, can we get a divorce in Heaven?”

“For fuck’s sakeBORDEL DE MERDE! It took me 6 weeksIL M’A FALLU 6 SEMAINES to find a priest up here — do you have the slightest ideaLA MOINDRE IDÉE how long it’ll take to find a bloody lawyerAVOCAT?!”

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Vocabulary

Gates of Heaven: the symbolic entrance to the afterlife.

Work out: to succeed or function as hoped.

They met at the gates of HeavenLES PORTES DU PARADIS.

They wondered whether things would work outMARCHER.

Grammar

The joke relies on past simple for narration and reported speech, with modal verbs to express uncertainty about the future.

Past simple: A man and his girlfriend died in a car accident.

Modal + bare infinitive: We’re not sure our relationship will last forever.

Synonyms & Alternatives

For fuck’s sake: for heaven’s sake, for goodness’ sake.

Lawyer: solicitor, barrister.

Mini Dialogue

Oliver: I’m not sure this plan will work outMARCHER in the long run.

James: Give it time — no one knows how long it will lastDURERA.

Oliver: For fuck’s sakeBORDEL DE MERDE, we haven’t even started yet.

James: Exactly — that’s why we’re still calm.

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© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

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