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I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principlesTOUT EN APPLIQUANT LES MÊMES PRINCIPES. ThereforePAR CONSÉQUENT, every day I walk down the street and tell passers-byLES PASSANTS what I have eaten, how I feel at the moment, what I did the night before, what I will do later and with whomAVEC QUI.
I give them pictures of my family, my dog and of me gardening, taking things apartEN DÉMONTANT DES OBJETS in the garage, watering the lawnEN ARROSANT LA PELOUSE, standing in front of landmarksDES MONUMENTS CÉLÈBRES, driving around town, having lunch and doing what anybody and everybody does every day.
I also listen to their conversations, give them the "thumbs up"LEUR FAIRE UN « POUCE LEVÉ » and tell them I like them.
And it works just like Facebook! I already have four people following me: Two police officers, a private investigator, and a shrinkUN PSY.
Vocabulary
Passers-by: people who are walking past a place in the street.
Shrink: informal word for a psychiatrist or psychologist.
He tells passers-byLES PASSANTS everything about his day.
In the end, even a shrinkUN PSYCHIATRE starts following him.
Grammar
The joke mainly uses present simple to describe a repeated habit, combined with -ing clauses to add extra actions or circumstances.
Present simple for routine: Every day he walks down the street and tells people about his life.
-ing participle clauses: He shows pictures of himself watering the lawn and taking things apart in the garage.
Synonyms & Alternatives
Passers-by: pedestrians.
Shrink: therapist.
Mini Dialogue
Oliver: Yesterday I spoke to several passers-byPASSANTS about my holiday plans.
Daniel: Really? And who are you travelling withAVEC QUI?
Oliver: I’m visiting famous landmarksMONUMENTS CÉLÈBRES across Europe.
Daniel: Brilliant! I’ll give you the thumbs upTE FAIRE UN « POUCE LEVÉ » for that plan.
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A guy ringsUN TYPE APPELA one of his co-workers over the weekend. A small voice replies, “Hello?”
The man says, “Can you call your dadPÈRE to the phone?”
“I'm afraidJE CRAINS QUE he’s busy,” says the little boy.
“In that case I’ll talk to your mumMÈRE.”
“I’m sorry, but she is busy.”
“Is there anyone else over there?”
“Yes, the police.”
“The police! Let me talk to a police officer, then.”
“I’m afraid they’re all busy—the police and the firefightersLES SAPEURS-POMPIERS.”
“They’re all busy?! What do you mean they’re all busy? Your father’s busy, your mother’s busy, the police and the firefighters are busy! But what in Heaven's namePOUR L’AMOUR DU CIEL are they doing?”
And the little boy whispersMURMURA gently into the telephone, “They’re looking for me…”
Vocabulary
Whisper: to speak very softly or quietly.
In Heaven’s name: an expression used to show strong surprise or frustration.
The little boy whispersMURMURA into the phone.
“What in Heaven’s namePOUR L’AMOUR DU CIEL is happening here?”
Grammar
The joke mainly uses present simple in dialogue and past simple in narration to tell the story clearly.
Past simple (narration): A guy rang one of his co-workers.
Present simple (dialogue): The boy says his parents are busy.
Synonyms & Alternatives
Whisper: murmur, speak softly.
In Heaven's name: for goodness’ sake, what on earth.
Mini Dialogue
Tom: Why are you whisperingMURMURES on the phone?
Lucas: Because my sister is sleeping.
Tom: What in Heaven's namePOUR L’AMOUR DU CIEL did you do?
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Ben left workQUITTA LE TRAVAIL one Friday evening.
But since it was paydayJOUR DE PAIE, instead of going home, he stayed out the whole weekend partyingPASSA TOUT LE WEEK-END À FAIRE LA FÊTE with his palsPOTES and spending his entire wagesDÉPENSA TOUT SON SALAIRE.
When he finally went homeRENTRA CHEZ LUI on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wifeFUT CONFRONTÉ À SA FEMME EN COLÈRE and was barragedFUT BOMBARDÉ for nearly two hours about his behaviour.
Finally his wife stopped the naggingCESSA LES RÉFLEXIONS and said to him, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”
Ben said, “That would be fine with me.”
Monday went byPASSA and he didn’t see his wife.
Tuesday and Wednesday came and wentPASSÈRENT with the same results.
But on Thursday, the swellingLE GONFLEMENTwent downDIMINUA just enough for him to be able to see her a little out of the corner of his left eyeL’APERCEVOIR UN PEU DU COIN DE L’ŒIL.
Vocabulary
Payday: the day when workers receive their wages or salary.
Swelling: a part of the body becoming enlarged after an injury.
Since it was paydayJOUR DE PAIE, Ben went out celebrating.
By Thursday, the swellingL’ENFLURE had gone down a little.
Grammar
The joke mainly uses narrative past tenses to tell a sequence of events and a conditional sentence for the wife’s question.
Past simple (narration): Ben left work on Friday and spent the weekend partying.
Second conditional: “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”
Synonyms & Alternatives
Pals: mates, friends.
Nagging: complaining, constant criticism.
Mini Dialogue
Oliver: Yesterday was paydayJOUR DE PAIE, so I bought a new bicycle.
James: Lucky you. I spent my entire wagesAI DÉPENSÉ TOUT MON SALAIRE fixing my car.
Oliver: My wife asked what I would do if she disappeared for two days.
James: Careful… you might end up with some serious swellingENFLURE too!
