a prince under a spell

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A prince was put under a spell so that he could speak only one word each yearUN SEUL MOT CHAQUE ANNÉE. If he chose not to speak for a year, he could carry those unused words forwardREPORTA CES MOTS NON UTILISÉS. So, if he remained silent for two years, he could say two words in the third year, and so on.

One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady. To express his feelings properly, he refrained from speakingS’ABSTINT DE PARLER for two whole years. Then, in the third year, he used his saved words to say, “My darling”« MA CHÉRIE ».

But he wasn’t done. He wanted to tell her that he loved her — so he waited another three years without uttering a wordSANS PRONONCER UN SEUL MOT. After those long, silent years, he said, “I love you”« JE T’AIME ».

Then came the big question. He decided to ask her to marry him — but to do so, he had to wait four more years. At the end of these nine years of silence, he took the lady to the most romantic spot in the kingdom and finally said, “My darling, I love you! Will you marry me?”« MA CHÉRIE, JE T’AIME ! VEUX-TU M’ÉPOUSER ? »

The lady looked at him and said, “Pardon me?”« COMMENT ? »

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Vocabulary

Refrain from: to deliberately stop oneself from doing something.

Utter: to say something aloud.

He refrained from speakingS’ABSTINT DE PARLER for years.

He did not utterPRONONÇA a single word.

Grammar

The joke mainly uses past simple for narration, with conditional structures to explain the spell.

Past simple: He fell in love and waited for years.

Second conditional (rule of the spell): If he remained silent, he could say more words later.

Synonyms & Alternatives

Refrain from: hold back, abstain from.

Utter: pronounce, voice.

Mini Dialogue

Oliver: I refrained from speakingME SUIS ABSTENU DE PARLER all day during the meeting.

Hannah: Why didn’t you utterPRONONCER a word?

Oliver: If I stayed silent, I could carry my arguments forwardPOURRAIS REPORTER MES ARGUMENTS.

Hannah: Well, next time, just speak up!

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© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

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building a bridge

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A man rubsFROTTE a magic lamp and a genieGÉNIE APPARAÎT appears.

“You get one wishVŒU,” says the genie.

The man thinks and says, “I’m scaredJ’AI PEUR of travelling by planeAVION. I wish for a bridgePONT from California to Hawaii so I can drive there.”

The genie rolls his eyesLEVA LES YEUX AU CIEL. “Do you have any idea what you’re asking? That’s thousands of milesDES MILLIERS DE KILOMÈTRES of ocean. It would take structural engineering beyond beliefAU-DELÀ DE TOUTE IMAGINATION — billions of tons of concreteDES TONNES DE BÉTON and steelACIER. Come on, man, wish for something else.”

The man nodsHOCHA LA TÊTE and says, “All right, then. I wish to understand women… what makes them tickCE QUI LES FAIT FONCTIONNER.”

The genie pauses, swallows hardAVALA SA SALIVE AVEC DIFFICULTÉ, and asks,

“Do you want two lanes or fourDEUX VOIES OU QUATRE on that bridge?”

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Vocabulary

Roll one’s eyes: to show disbelief or irritation.

Beyond belief: so extreme that it is hard to imagine.

She rolls her eyesLEVA LES YEUX AU CIEL at the suggestion.

The cost was beyond beliefAU-DELÀ DE TOUTE IMAGINATION.

Grammar

The joke mainly uses present simple for narration and modal verbs for hypothetical requests.

Present simple (narrative present): A genie appears and says.

Modal verb “would”: It would take structural engineering beyond belief.

Synonyms & Alternatives

Wish: desire, request.

Scared: frightened, afraid.

Mini Dialogue

Daniel: I’m scaredAI PEUR of speaking in public.

Imogen: That’s beyond beliefAU-DELÀ DE TOUTE IMAGINATION — you’re brilliant at it!

Daniel: I wish I could understand what makes audiences tick.

Imogen: Start with two jokes, not four.

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© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

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eating peanuts

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An old man is hospitalised for a routine check-up. His denturesSON DENTIER FUT RETIRÉ have been removed.

A nurse stops by to check on him and sees a bowl of peanuts on the patient's bedside tableSUR SA TABLE DE CHEVET. He asks the old gentleman if he could have some.

Because he has no teeth, the old man replies with some difficulty: “Go ahead, young man, help yourselfSERVEZ-VOUS.”

So the nurse takes a small handfulUNE POIGNÉE and throws it into his mouth.

The next day, the same nurse asks the old man if he can have some more peanuts. The old man says, “Of course, young man, take as many as you like.”

And the same thing happens for a few more days. On the last day there are only a few peanuts at the bottom of the bowl. The nurse hesitates, but says to the old man, “Do you think I can have the rest of them?”

The old man replies, still with difficulty and without dentures, “Go ahead, take what’s left. Anyway I will be dischargedON ME LAISSERA SORTIR tomorrow.”

The nurse takes the last handful of peanuts and, with his mouth still full, says to the old man, “Those were very good. Thanks very much.”

And the old man answers, “I enjoyed them too, young one, but they are really much better when covered with chocolate.”

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Vocabulary

Dentures: artificial teeth that can be removed.

Handful: the amount that fits in one hand.

His denturesDENTIER had been removed.

The nurse took a handfulPOIGNÉE of peanuts.

Grammar

The joke mainly uses present simple for narration and future forms for hospital procedure.

Present simple (narrative present): A nurse stops by and sees a bowl of peanuts.

Future passive: I will be discharged tomorrow.

Synonyms & Alternatives

Dentures: false teeth, dental plate.

Help yourself: please take some, go ahead.

Mini Dialogue

Arthur: I left my denturesDENTIER at home before the dinner.

Beatrice: Then how did you manage the steak?

Arthur: I only took a small handfulPOIGNÉE of mashed potatoes.

Beatrice: Next time, I’ll cook something softer!

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© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

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trouble with the car

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Wife: “There’s trouble with the car. It has water in the carburettorCARBURATEUR.”

Husband: “Water in the carburettor? That’s ridiculous.”

Wife: “I tell you the car has water in the carburettor.”

Husband: “You don’t evenMÊME know what a carburettor is. I’ll check it outJ’IRAI VÉRIFIER. Where’s the car?”

Wife: “In the poolPISCINE.”

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Vocabulary

Carburettor: a device in a petrol engine that mixes air and fuel.

Check it out: to examine or investigate something.

The mechanic inspected the carburettorCARBURATEUR.

He said he would check it outVÉRIFIER immediately.

Grammar

The joke mainly uses present simple for statements and future forms for spontaneous decisions.

Present simple: It has water in the carburettor.

Will for instant decision: I will check it out.

Synonyms & Alternatives

Ridiculous: absurd, preposterous.

Check it out: look into it, examine it.

Mini Dialogue

Edward: There’s something wrong with the boiler.

Clara: You don’t evenMÊME know how it works.

Edward: Fine. I’ll check it outVÉRIFIER now.

Clara: It’s flooded the kitchen.

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© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

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adultering

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A woman and her lover are in bed when she suddenly hears her husband’s car pulling into the garageQUI ENTRE DANS LE GARAGE. The unfaithfulINFIDÈLE wife panics.

“Quick! Hide!” she hissesSIFFLA-T-ELLE.

The lover, completely nakedNU, dashes into the bathroomSE PRÉCIPITE DANS LA SALLE DE BAINS while she frantically shoves his clothesFOURRA SES VÊTEMENTS under the bed. Just in time. The husband, not having seen his wife anywhere else in the house, walks into the bedroom and asks:

“And what exactly are you doing lying here nakedALLONGÉE ICI TOUTE NUE on the bed?”

“Darling,” she says sweetly, “I heard your car and thought I’d give you a surprise.”

“Yeah, brilliant,” he replies. “I’ll just pop to the bathroomPASSER PAR LA SALLE DE BAINS and be right back.”

Before she can stop him, the husband steps into the bathroom and finds the lover standing there stark nakedCOMPLÈTEMENT NU, arms in the air, clapping his hands.

“What on earthBON SANG are you doing here?” demands the husband.

“I’m from the pest control company,” the lover answers calmly. “Your wife called us inNOUS A FAITS VENIR to deal with a moth problemUN PROBLÈME DE MITES in the house.”

“But… you haven’t got any clothes on!” says the husband, incredulous.

The lover looks down at himself, pretends to be shocked, and says:
“Oh, those filthyIMMONDES little things!”

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Vocabulary

To dash into (a place): to run quickly or rush suddenly into somewhere.

Stark naked: completely naked, not wearing any clothes at all.

The lover dashes into the bathroomSE PRÉCIPITE DANS LA SALLE DE BAINS when he hears the husband.

The husband finds him stark nakedCOMPLÈTEMENT NU and clapping his hands.

Grammar

The joke mainly uses past simple to narrate the sequence of events, with present simple in direct speech and a present participle for ongoing action.

Past simple narration: The lover dashed into the bathroom; the husband walked into the bedroom.

Direct speech in the present: “What on earth are you doing here?” uses present continuous to describe an action in progress.

Synonyms & Alternatives

Filthy: dirty, disgusting.

To call someone in: to summon, to bring in (for professional help).

Mini Dialogue

Emma: I called the electrician inAI FAIT VENIR L’ÉLECTRICIEN to deal with the wiring.

Josh: What on earth are you doing lyingEN TRAIN DE T’ALLONGER on the kitchen floor?

Emma: I nearly slipped; I just dashed into the bathroomME SUIS PRÉCIPITÉE DANS LA SALLE DE BAINS to clean my hands.

Josh: Look at these filthyIMMONDES tiles, we really need someone to help.

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© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

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