ESL JOKES

Learn English With Jokes • The Coin Pocket Guess ☀ / ☾ theme Learn English With Jokes The Coin Pocket Guess Intermediate · Past Simple · Conditionals · Reported Speech ✦ Survolez les mots en ambre pour voir les définitions en français (CAPS). A guy said to his friend, “ Guess DEVINE how many coins PIÈCES I have in my pocket.” The friend replied, “If I guess DEVINE right, will you give me one of them?” The first guy said, “If you guess right, I’ll give you both LES DEUX of them!” 📘 Key Vocabulary + Guess DEVINE Coins PIÈCES Pocket POCHE Replied RÉPONDIT Both LES DEUX R...

Learn English With Jokes • The Barber's House ☀ / ☾ theme Learn English With Jokes The Barber's House Intermediate · Past Simple · Indirect Questions ✦ Survolez les mots en ambre pour voir les définitions en français. This guy sticks his head PASSE LA TÊTE into a barbershop SALON DE COIFFURE and asks, “ How long COMBIEN DE TEMPS before I can get a haircut COUPE DE CHEVEUX ?” The barber looks around REGARDE AUTOUR DE LUI the shop and says, “About two hours.” The guy leaves. A few days later, the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks the same question. The barber looks around at his shop full of customers and says, “About two hours.” The guy leaves. A week later, the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks again. The barber looks around the shop and says, “About an hour and a half.” The guy leaves. The barber looks over at a frien...

Learn English With Jokes • The Geometry Teacher's Retirement ☀ / ☾ theme Learn English With Jokes The Geometry Teacher's Retirement Intermediate · Past Simple · Reported Speech ✦ Survolez les mots en ambre pour voir les définitions en français. My dad taught high school geometry for forty years. When he finally retired RETRAITÉ , they threw him a big party ILS LUI ONT ORGANISÉ UNE GRANDE FÊTE in the cafeteria with a cake shaped like a right triangle UN TRIANGLE RECTANGLE nobody wanted to cut. The principal stood up and said, “Bob, after four decades QUATRE DÉCENNIES shaping young minds, what’s your secret to surviving this long SURVIVRE AUSSI LONGTEMPS in education?” Dad puffs out his chest IL BOMBE LE TORSE and says, “Simple. I never cut corners JE NE COUPE JAMAIS LES COINS .” Everyone nods HOCHE LA TÊTE like they had just heard something profound enough to embroider o...

Learn English With Jokes • The Train, The Café, and The Scoffers ☀ / ☾ theme Learn English With Jokes The Train, The Café, and The Scoffers Intermediate · Past Simple · Phrasal Verb 'scoff at' ✦ Survolez les mots en ambre pour voir les définitions en français (CAPS). A philosophy professor, a priest PRÊTRE , and a software LOGICIEL / INFORMATICIEN engineer are stuck BLOQUÉS on a small regional train that breaks down in the middle of nowhere AU MILIEU DE NULLE PART . The conductor CONTRÔLEUR comes through and says, “We’ll be here for at least AU MOINS two hours. Signal problem. Nothing to do but wait.” The philosophy professor smiles serenely SEREINEMENT . “Ah. A perfect opportunity to contemplate the nature of patience.” The priest nods HOCCHE LA TÊTE . “Or to pray.” The software engineer opens his laptop ORDINATEUR PORTABLE . “I’ll see if there’s Wi-Fi.” There isn’t. ...

Learn English With Jokes • The Creaky Porch ☀ / ☾ theme Learn English With Jokes The Creaky Porch Intermediate · Past Perfect · Reported Speech ✦ Survolez les mots en ambre pour voir les définitions en français (CAPS). A man named Joe had been meaning to AVAIT L’INTENTION DE fix the creaky step MARCHE QUI GRINCE on his front porch for over three years. Every time he walked up to his house, he would trip TRÉBUCHER or the loud creak would echo through the neighbourhood QUARTIER . His wife kept reminding him N’ARRÊTAIT PAS DE LUI RAPPELER , but Joe always said, “I’ll get to it tomorrow.” One evening, after a long day at work, Joe stepped on the step A POSÉ LE PIED SUR LA MARCHE , broke straight through it, and landed knee-deep JUSQU’AUX GENOUX in the mud BOUE underneath. His wife came rushing out, saw him flailing around SE DÉBATTANT , and sighed SOUPIRA . Joe looked up at her, com...

Learn English With Jokes • The Mysterious Monastery Sound Learn English With Jokes The Mysterious Monastery Sound Intermediate · Past Simple · Narrative Mystery Survolez les mots en ambre pour voir les définitions en français (CAPS). A man was driving down the road when his car broke down TOMBA EN PANNE near a monastery. He walked to the gate, knocked on the door FRAPPA À LA PORTE , and asked if he could stay the night PASSER LA NUIT . The monks MOINES welcomed him warmly, fed him LUI DONNÈRENT À MANGER a simple meal, and even repaired his car RÉPARÈRENT SA VOITURE . That night, as he tried to fall asleep S’ENDORMIR , he heard a very strange sound. The next morning, he asked about it, but the monks replied that they could not tell him because he was not a monk. He felt disappointed FUT DÉÇU but thanked them anyway LES REMERCIA QUAND...