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After a lengthy trial, Bob is found guilty and sentenced to life in a medium security prisonPRISON DE SÉCURITÉ MOYENNE.
Arriving just in time for the daily lunch, Bob introduces himself to his fellow inmatesDÉTENUS as he waits in line for the meal.
Somebody yells out “56!”, and everyone around Bob starts laughing.
“143!” another inmateDÉTENU declares, and the laughter continues.
“What’s withQU’EST-CE QUI SE PASSE AVEC the numbers?” Bob asks.
“Those are jokes,” replies inmateDÉTENU Tom. “All of us have been here so long we memorisedAVONS MÉMORISÉ every joke, so each joke is represented by a number.”
Bob, wanting to fit inS’INTÉGRER, yells out “three thousand, three hundred and thirty-three!”
After a moment of silence, the prison erupts in guffawsÉCLATS DE RIRE. Tom slaps him on the back and says, “Good one! We haven’t heard that one before!”
Vocabulary
Inmates: people who are in prison.
Guffaws: loud, unrestrained laughter.
Bob introduces himself to his fellow inmatesDÉTENUS.
The prison erupts in guffawsÉCLATS DE RIRE.
Grammar
The joke uses past simple for main narration and present perfect for experiences up to a point in the past, with reported speech introduced by "replies".
Past simple: Bob yells out “three thousand, three hundred and thirty-three!”
Present perfect: We haven’t heard that one before.
Synonyms & Alternatives
Inmates: prisoners, convicts.
Memorised: learnt by heart, committed to memory.
Guffaws: belly laughs, roars of laughter.
Fit in: blend in, integrate.
Mini Dialogue
Alice: Why is everyone shouting random numbersDES NOMBRES AU HASARD in the library?
Ben: We’ve all memorisedAVONS MÉMORISÉ the book of riddles, so we just call out the number!
Alice: Brilliant! Let me try… “One hundred and forty-seven!”
Ben (laughing): Excellent! We hadn’t heard that one before!
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On a busy bank holidayJOUR FÉRIÉ, the zoo manager offered €200 to a worker to
act as a gorillaSE FAIRE PASSER POUR UN GORILLE, because the real one was unwellMALADE.
Determined to impress his boss, the worker climbed into the
enclosureENCLOS and hung from the
ceilingPLAFOND of the
lion’s denANTRE DU LION.
However, he slippedIL GLISSA and fell to the floor, landing just a few metres away from the lion.
ScreamingHURLANT for help, terrified for his life, the worker panicked as the lion
pounced on himSE JETA SUR LUI.
Then the lion whisperedMURMURA:
“Shut the hell upFERME TA GUEULE or we’re all going to lose our jobs!”
Vocabulary
Enclosure: an area where animals are kept in a zoo.
Pounce: to jump suddenly on something or someone.
The worker climbed into the enclosureENCLOS.
The lion pounces on himSE JETA SUR LUI.
Grammar
The joke mainly uses past simple for narration, with present participles to add tension and immediacy.
Past simple: He slipped and fell to the floor.
Present participle:Screaming for help, terrified for his life.
Synonyms & Alternatives
Pounce: leap at.
Shut the hell up: be quiet.
Mini Dialogue
Oliver: I was screamingHURLANT when the dog ran towards me.
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A boy from a poor family wanted a bikeVÉLO for Christmas. He asked his mother. The mother sighedSOUPIRA, “We can’t afford oneON NE PEUT PAS S’EN PERMETTRE UN—you’ll have to ask Baby Jesus.”
So he went to his room, grabbedSAISIT a pen and a stack of paperUNE PILE DE PAPIER, and began writing:
“Dear Baby Jesus, I’ve been good all yearTOUTE L’ANNÉE. Can you please give me a bike for Christmas?”
He paused. That didn’t feel entirely honest. He tried again:
“Dear Baby Jesus, I’ve been good for the past week. Can you please give me a bike for Christmas?”
Still unsureTOUJOURS INCERTAIN, he tried a third time:
“Dear Baby Jesus, if you give me a bike, I’ll be good all year.”
Even that seemed too muchSEMBLAIT TROP. He went outside to think.
While walkingTOUT EN MARCHANT, he noticed his neighbour’s statue of Mother MaryLA STATUE DE LA VIERGE MARIE CHEZ SON VOISIN. A mischievous ideaIDÉE ESPiÈGLE struck. He hopped the fenceIL SAUTA LA CLÔTURE, tuckedGLISSA the statue under his arm, and ran home.
Back at his desk, he wrote a new letter:
“Dear Baby Jesus, if you ever want to see your mother again, give me a bike!”
Vocabulary
Sigh: to breathe out audibly expressing disappointment or relief.
Mischievous: showing a playful desire to cause trouble or annoyance.
The mother sighedSOUPIRA when asked about the bike.
A mischievous ideaIDÉE ESPiÈGLE struck the boy.
Grammar
The joke uses past simple for main narration and sequence of events, past perfect for earlier actions or states, and conditional for promises/requests.
Past simple: He asked his mother and grabbed a pen.
Past perfect: I’ve been good all year (present perfect in letter, but past context implied).
First conditional: If you give me a bike, I ’ll be good all year.
Synonyms & Alternatives
Sighed: exhaled deeply, breathed heavily, let out a sigh.
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Donald goes to the doctor’s after receiving some very bad news about his conditionSON ÉTAT DE SANTÉ.
Doctor: "UnfortunatelyMALHEUREUSEMENT sir, you have only one week to live."
Donald: "Doctor, what on Earth are you sayingQU’EST-CE QUE VOUS RACONTEZ?", he asked, clearly shocked. "What can I do to live at leastQUE PUIS-JE FAIRE POUR VIVRE AU MOINS a little longer? I don’t have any family but I really want to finish all the television shows I’m watching."
Doctor: "Well, do you eat greasy and friedGRAS ET FRIT food?"
Donald: "Yes."
Doctor: "Stop doing that."
Donald: "If I’ll live longer, sure!"
Doctor: "Do you drink sodas and eat fast food?"
Donald: "Yes."
Doctor: "Stop doing that."
Donald: "If it allows me to live longer, sure."
Doctor: "Do you stay up lateVEILLER TARD?"
Donald: "Most nights."
Doctor: "Stop doing that."
Donald: "AlrightD’ACCORD, done."
Doctor: "Do you have sex often?"
Donald: "Yes. A lot."
Doctor: "Stop doing that."
Donald: "Well, I guessEH BIEN, JE SUPPOSE, if it means living longer."
Doctor: "Do you smoke?"
Donald: "Yes."
Doctor: "Stop doing that."
Donald: "If it allows me to live longer, I will."
Doctor: "Do you drink?"
Donald: "Yes..."
Doctor: "Stop doing that."
Donald: "OK Doctor, but you didn’t tell me, if I do all the things you told me to do, how much longerCOMBIEN DE TEMPS DE PLUS will I live?"
Doctor: "You'll still only live a weekVOUS N’AUREZ TOUJOURS QU’UNE SEMAINE À VIVRE… but it will seemSEMBLER like a decade."
Vocabulary
Unfortunately: expressing regret about a bad situation.
Stay up late: remain awake and active during late hours of the night.
The doctor begins with UnfortunatelyMALHEUREUSEMENT.
He asks if Donald tends to stay up lateVEILLER TARD.
Grammar
The joke uses present simple in dialogue for general habits and direct speech, with future simple ("will live", "will seem") for predictions. Past simple narrates the visit and reactions, while conditional structures appear in Donald’s responses ("If I’ll live longer…", "if it allows me…").
Present simple (habits): Do you eat greasy and fried food?
Future simple (prediction): You will still only live a week… but it will seem like a decade.
Synonyms & Alternatives
Unfortunately: sadly, regrettably, alas.
Stay up late: keep late hours, burn the midnight oil.
Seem: feel, appear.
Mini Dialogue
Claire: Doctor, I have terrible insomnia. I stay up lateJE VEILLE TARD every night!
Doctor:UnfortunatelyMALHEUREUSEMENT, that’s not good for your health.
Claire: If I stop, how much longerCOMBIEN DE TEMPS DE PLUS will I sleep well?
Doctor: You’ll sleep better, but it will seemSEMBLER like hours every night!
