ESL JOKES

Learn English With Jokes • The Creaky Porch ☀ / ☾ theme Learn English With Jokes The Creaky Porch Intermediate · Past Perfect · Reported Speech ✦ Survolez les mots en ambre pour voir les définitions en français (CAPS). A man named Joe had been meaning to AVAIT L’INTENTION DE fix the creaky step MARCHE QUI GRINCE on his front porch for over three years. Every time he walked up to his house, he would trip TRÉBUCHER or the loud creak would echo through the neighbourhood QUARTIER . His wife kept reminding him N’ARRÊTAIT PAS DE LUI RAPPELER , but Joe always said, “I’ll get to it tomorrow.” One evening, after a long day at work, Joe stepped on the step A POSÉ LE PIED SUR LA MARCHE , broke straight through it, and landed knee-deep JUSQU’AUX GENOUX in the mud BOUE underneath. His wife came rushing out, saw him flailing around SE DÉBATTANT , and sighed SOUPIRA . Joe looked up at her, com...

Learn English With Jokes • The Mysterious Monastery Sound Learn English With Jokes The Mysterious Monastery Sound Intermediate · Past Simple · Narrative Mystery Survolez les mots en ambre pour voir les définitions en français (CAPS). A man was driving down the road when his car broke down TOMBA EN PANNE near a monastery. He walked to the gate, knocked on the door FRAPPA À LA PORTE , and asked if he could stay the night PASSER LA NUIT . The monks MOINES welcomed him warmly, fed him LUI DONNÈRENT À MANGER a simple meal, and even repaired his car RÉPARÈRENT SA VOITURE . That night, as he tried to fall asleep S’ENDORMIR , he heard a very strange sound. The next morning, he asked about it, but the monks replied that they could not tell him because he was not a monk. He felt disappointed FUT DÉÇU but thanked them anyway LES REMERCIA QUAND...

Learn English With Jokes • The Sex Education Shout ☀ / ☾ theme Learn English With Jokes The Sex Education Shout Intermediate · Past Simple · Indirect Speech ✦ Survolez les mots en ambre pour voir les définitions en français (CAPS). I once UNE FOIS took a sex education class at university, and a funny DRÔLE thing happened one day. The teacher arrived and told us we'd be NOUS ALLIONS discussing sex positions that day, and asked how many positions we knew. A young girl near me said, “Seven.” The professor said, “Very good.” But as he prepared to ask another student, a loud FORTE voice from the back of the lecture hall AMPHITHÉÂTRE shouted CRIA , “Ninety-one!” The professor looked over PAR-DESSUS his glasses but couldn’t really make out DISTINGUER who had spoken. Finally, he called on a guy in the front row RANGÉE , and the guy said, “Five.” And again from the bac...

Learn English With Jokes • Talking Dog for Sale ☀ / ☾ theme Learn English With Jokes Talking Dog for Sale Intermediate · Humour · Past Simple ✦ Survolez les mots en ambre pour voir les traductions en français A guy saw a sign in a yard : “Talking Dog for Sale .” He knocked. The owner said, “Yeah, he’s in the backyard .” The guy went back and saw a dog sitting there. “You talk?” he asked. “ Yep ,” said the dog. “I learnt after a rough childhood . I ran away, joined the CIA, did counter-intelligence across Europe. After that I worked airport security, then retired here to write my memoirs.” The guy was stunned . He went back to the owner. “ Why on earth are you selling this incredible dog?” The owner said, “Because he’s ...

Learn English With Jokes • The Three-Legged Chicken ☀ / ☾ theme Learn English With Jokes The Three-Legged Chicken Intermediate · Humour · Vocabulary ✦ Survolez les mots en ambre pour voir les traductions en français A man was driving at eighty kilometres an hour when he was overtaken by a three-legged chicken. He accelerated and passed the chicken again. But three minutes later, the chicken overtook him while he was driving at one hundred kilometres an hour! The man tried to catch the chicken, but it ran down a side road . He followed it into a farmyard , but couldn’t find it anywhere. He saw the farmer and told him the story. Then he asked for an explanation . The farmer said, “Well, my wife, my son, and I all enjoy eating chicken legs, so I bred chickens with three legs.” “What do they taste like?” asked the man. “I don’t know,” replied the farmer. “We ha...

Learn English With Jokes • A Frayed Knot ☀ / ☾ theme Learn English With Jokes A Frayed Knot Intermediate · Wordplay · British English Survolez les mots en ambre pour voir les traductions A piece of rope walked into a pub and ordered a drink . The bartender said, "Sorry, we don't serve strings here. Get out!" The rope walked out, unravelled one end of himself , tied himself up a few times, and walked back in to order another drink. The bartender asked, " Aren't you the rope that was just in here?" The rope replied, "No, I'm a frayed knot ." Key Vocabulary + To unravel To undo twisted, knitted, or woven threads. Frayed Worn at the edge (of fabric or rope) so that the threads come apart. The Language Logic + The joke relies on a homophone . When the rope says "a frayed knot", it sounds identical to the polite refusal: "Afraid not" . ...