ESL JOKES

Learn English With Jokes • The Geometry Teacher's Retirement ☀ / ☾ theme Learn English With Jokes The Geometry Teacher's Retirement Intermediate · Past Simple · Reported Speech ✦ Survolez les mots en ambre pour voir les définitions en français. My dad taught high school geometry for forty years. When he finally retired RETRAITÉ , they threw him a big party ILS LUI ONT ORGANISÉ UNE GRANDE FÊTE in the cafeteria with a cake shaped like a right triangle UN TRIANGLE RECTANGLE nobody wanted to cut. The principal stood up and said, “Bob, after four decades QUATRE DÉCENNIES shaping young minds, what’s your secret to surviving this long SURVIVRE AUSSI LONGTEMPS in education?” Dad puffs out his chest IL BOMBE LE TORSE and says, “Simple. I never cut corners JE NE COUPE JAMAIS LES COINS .” Everyone nods HOCHE LA TÊTE like they had just heard something profound enough to embroider o...

Learn English With Jokes • The Train, The Café, and The Scoffers ☀ / ☾ theme Learn English With Jokes The Train, The Café, and The Scoffers Intermediate · Past Simple · Phrasal Verb 'scoff at' ✦ Survolez les mots en ambre pour voir les définitions en français (CAPS). A philosophy professor, a priest PRÊTRE , and a software LOGICIEL / INFORMATICIEN engineer are stuck BLOQUÉS on a small regional train that breaks down in the middle of nowhere AU MILIEU DE NULLE PART . The conductor CONTRÔLEUR comes through and says, “We’ll be here for at least AU MOINS two hours. Signal problem. Nothing to do but wait.” The philosophy professor smiles serenely SEREINEMENT . “Ah. A perfect opportunity to contemplate the nature of patience.” The priest nods HOCCHE LA TÊTE . “Or to pray.” The software engineer opens his laptop ORDINATEUR PORTABLE . “I’ll see if there’s Wi-Fi.” There isn’t. ...

Learn English With Jokes • The Creaky Porch ☀ / ☾ theme Learn English With Jokes The Creaky Porch Intermediate · Past Perfect · Reported Speech ✦ Survolez les mots en ambre pour voir les définitions en français (CAPS). A man named Joe had been meaning to AVAIT L’INTENTION DE fix the creaky step MARCHE QUI GRINCE on his front porch for over three years. Every time he walked up to his house, he would trip TRÉBUCHER or the loud creak would echo through the neighbourhood QUARTIER . His wife kept reminding him N’ARRÊTAIT PAS DE LUI RAPPELER , but Joe always said, “I’ll get to it tomorrow.” One evening, after a long day at work, Joe stepped on the step A POSÉ LE PIED SUR LA MARCHE , broke straight through it, and landed knee-deep JUSQU’AUX GENOUX in the mud BOUE underneath. His wife came rushing out, saw him flailing around SE DÉBATTANT , and sighed SOUPIRA . Joe looked up at her, com...

Learn English With Jokes • The Mysterious Monastery Sound Learn English With Jokes The Mysterious Monastery Sound Intermediate · Past Simple · Narrative Mystery Survolez les mots en ambre pour voir les définitions en français (CAPS). A man was driving down the road when his car broke down TOMBA EN PANNE near a monastery. He walked to the gate, knocked on the door FRAPPA À LA PORTE , and asked if he could stay the night PASSER LA NUIT . The monks MOINES welcomed him warmly, fed him LUI DONNÈRENT À MANGER a simple meal, and even repaired his car RÉPARÈRENT SA VOITURE . That night, as he tried to fall asleep S’ENDORMIR , he heard a very strange sound. The next morning, he asked about it, but the monks replied that they could not tell him because he was not a monk. He felt disappointed FUT DÉÇU but thanked them anyway LES REMERCIA QUAND...

Learn English With Jokes • The Sex Education Shout ☀ / ☾ theme Learn English With Jokes The Sex Education Shout Intermediate · Past Simple · Indirect Speech ✦ Survolez les mots en ambre pour voir les définitions en français (CAPS). I once UNE FOIS took a sex education class at university, and a funny DRÔLE thing happened one day. The teacher arrived and told us we'd be NOUS ALLIONS discussing sex positions that day, and asked how many positions we knew. A young girl near me said, “Seven.” The professor said, “Very good.” But as he prepared to ask another student, a loud FORTE voice from the back of the lecture hall AMPHITHÉÂTRE shouted CRIA , “Ninety-one!” The professor looked over PAR-DESSUS his glasses but couldn’t really make out DISTINGUER who had spoken. Finally, he called on a guy in the front row RANGÉE , and the guy said, “Five.” And again from the bac...

Learn English With Jokes • Talking Dog for Sale ☀ / ☾ theme Learn English With Jokes Talking Dog for Sale Intermediate · Humour · Past Simple ✦ Survolez les mots en ambre pour voir les traductions en français A guy saw a sign in a yard : “Talking Dog for Sale .” He knocked. The owner said, “Yeah, he’s in the backyard .” The guy went back and saw a dog sitting there. “You talk?” he asked. “ Yep ,” said the dog. “I learnt after a rough childhood . I ran away, joined the CIA, did counter-intelligence across Europe. After that I worked airport security, then retired here to write my memoirs.” The guy was stunned . He went back to the owner. “ Why on earth are you selling this incredible dog?” The owner said, “Because he’s ...