borrowing money from a neighbour

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A man was up on his roofTOIT repairing some shinglesBARDAGES / TUILLES when a neighbour walking by stopped and called up to him.

“Excuse me! Can I talk to you for a second?”

“Yeah, sure — what can I do for you?” the man answered, glancing downBAISSANT LES YEUX.

The neighbour hesitated for a moment, then said: “I have something to ask you… but it would be better if you came down firstSI TU DESCENDAIS D’ABORD.”

The roofer shruggedHAUSSA LES ÉPAULES, set his tools asideDE CÔTÉ, climbed down the ladderÉCHELLE, brushed some dust off his clothes and walked over.

“Okay, I’m listeningJE T’ÉCOUTE. What’s upQU’Y A-T-IL ?”

The neighbour lowered his voiceBAISSA LA VOIX, looking a little embarrassedGÊNÉ.

“Sorry to bother youDÉSOLÉ DE TE DÉRANGER, but… could you lend meME PRÊTER some money?”

The man looked at him for a second, then noddedHOCHA LA TÊTE calmly.

“Alright… follow me.”

He turned, climbed back up the ladder, and the neighbour — somewhat surprisedQUELQUE PEU SURPRIS — followed him onto the roof.

Once they were both standing there again, the roofer turned to face himSE TOURNAT VERS LUI and said simply:

“No.”

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Vocabulary

Shingles: thin pieces of material (wood, slate, asphalt…) used to cover a roof.

Lend me: give someone money temporarily with the expectation it will be returned.

He was repairing some shinglesBARDAGES / TUILLES.

Could you lend meME PRÊTER some money?

Grammar

The joke mainly uses past simple for the main sequence of events and past continuous to describe background actions.

Past simple: A man was up on his roof… a neighbour stopped and called up to him.

Past continuous: He was repairing some shingles when a neighbour walking by stopped.

Reported / indirect request: It would be better if you came down first.

Synonyms & Alternatives

Shingles: roof tiles, slates, roofing tiles.

Embarrassed: awkward, sheepish, uncomfortable.

Lend me: loan me (more formal), give me a loan.

Nodded: inclined his head, gave a nod.

Mini Dialogue

Clara: Could you lend meME PRÊTER your car this weekend?

Tom: I’m not sure… I’ll be using it Saturday morning.

Clara: Sorry to bother youDÉSOLÉ DE TE DÉRANGER, but I really need it.

Tom (after thinking): Alright… but only Sunday. Deal?

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© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

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giving money to a little boy

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A woman visited a family. At the end of her visit, she gave a dollar to the little boy whose family she had been visiting.

The little boy put the billBILLET in his pocket without saying thank you.

His mother, thinking perhaps he was too shyTIMIDE, asked him: “What do you reply?QUE RÉPONDS-TU ?”

“I don’t know.”

“Yes you do. What do I always say when your father gives me money?”

“You say: ‘Is that all?C’EST TOUT ?’”

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Vocabulary

Bill: a banknote (paper money).

Shy: nervous or timid in the company of other people.

The boy slipped the billBILLET into his pocket.

His mother thought he was too shyTIMIDE to speak.

Grammar

Past simple for completed narrative actions + present simple for repeated/habitual behaviour in dialogue.

Past simple: She gave a dollar to the little boy.

Present simple (habits): What do I always say when your father gives me money?

Synonyms & Alternatives

Bill: note, banknote.

Shy: bashful, timid.

Is that all?: That’s it?, Nothing more?

Mini Dialogue

Mrs Dupont: Lucas, did you thank Aunt Claire for the money?

Lucas: Erm… no.

Mrs Dupont: Come on, what do I always say when your dad gives me fifty euros?

Lucas: You say: “Is that all?C’EST TOUT ?”

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© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

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making friends

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I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principlesTOUT EN APPLIQUANT LES MÊMES PRINCIPES. ThereforePAR CONSÉQUENT, every day I walk down the street and tell passers-byLES PASSANTS what I have eaten, how I feel at the moment, what I did the night before, what I will do later and with whomAVEC QUI.

I give them pictures of my family, my dog and of me gardening, taking things apartEN DÉMONTANT DES OBJETS in the garage, watering the lawnEN ARROSANT LA PELOUSE, standing in front of landmarksDES MONUMENTS CÉLÈBRES, driving around town, having lunch and doing what anybody and everybody does every day.

I also listen to their conversations, give them the "thumbs up"LEUR FAIRE UN « POUCE LEVÉ » and tell them I like them.

And it works just like Facebook! I already have four people following me: Two police officers, a private investigator, and a shrinkUN PSY.

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Vocabulary

Passers-by: people who are walking past a place in the street.

Shrink: informal word for a psychiatrist or psychologist.

He tells passers-byLES PASSANTS everything about his day.

In the end, even a shrinkUN PSYCHIATRE starts following him.

Grammar

The joke mainly uses present simple to describe a repeated habit, combined with -ing clauses to add extra actions or circumstances.

Present simple for routine: Every day he walks down the street and tells people about his life.

-ing participle clauses: He shows pictures of himself watering the lawn and taking things apart in the garage.

Synonyms & Alternatives

Passers-by: pedestrians.

Shrink: therapist.

Mini Dialogue

Oliver: Yesterday I spoke to several passers-byPASSANTS about my holiday plans.

Daniel: Really? And who are you travelling withAVEC QUI?

Oliver: I’m visiting famous landmarksMONUMENTS CÉLÈBRES across Europe.

Daniel: Brilliant! I’ll give you the thumbs upTE FAIRE UN « POUCE LEVÉ » for that plan.

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© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

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little boy on the phone

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A guy ringsUN TYPE APPELA one of his co-workers over the weekend. A small voice replies, “Hello?”

The man says, “Can you call your dadPÈRE to the phone?”

“I'm afraidJE CRAINS QUE he’s busy,” says the little boy.

“In that case I’ll talk to your mumMÈRE.”

“I’m sorry, but she is busy.”

“Is there anyone else over there?”

“Yes, the police.”

“The police! Let me talk to a police officer, then.”

“I’m afraid they’re all busy—the police and the firefightersLES SAPEURS-POMPIERS.”

“They’re all busy?! What do you mean they’re all busy? Your father’s busy, your mother’s busy, the police and the firefighters are busy! But what in Heaven's namePOUR L’AMOUR DU CIEL are they doing?”

And the little boy whispersMURMURA gently into the telephone, “They’re looking for me…”

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Vocabulary

Whisper: to speak very softly or quietly.

In Heaven’s name: an expression used to show strong surprise or frustration.

The little boy whispersMURMURA into the phone.

“What in Heaven’s namePOUR L’AMOUR DU CIEL is happening here?”

Grammar

The joke mainly uses present simple in dialogue and past simple in narration to tell the story clearly.

Past simple (narration): A guy rang one of his co-workers.

Present simple (dialogue): The boy says his parents are busy.

Synonyms & Alternatives

Whisper: murmur, speak softly.

In Heaven's name: for goodness’ sake, what on earth.

Mini Dialogue

Tom: Why are you whisperingMURMURES on the phone?

Lucas: Because my sister is sleeping.

Tom: What in Heaven's namePOUR L’AMOUR DU CIEL did you do?

Lucas: I accidentally woke the baby earlier!

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© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

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wages

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Ben left workQUITTA LE TRAVAIL one Friday evening.

But since it was paydayJOUR DE PAIE, instead of going home, he stayed out the whole weekend partyingPASSA TOUT LE WEEK-END À FAIRE LA FÊTE with his palsPOTES and spending his entire wagesDÉPENSA TOUT SON SALAIRE.

When he finally went homeRENTRA CHEZ LUI on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wifeFUT CONFRONTÉ À SA FEMME EN COLÈRE and was barragedFUT BOMBARDÉ for nearly two hours about his behaviour.

Finally his wife stopped the naggingCESSA LES RÉFLEXIONS and said to him, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”

Ben said, “That would be fine with me.”

Monday went byPASSA and he didn’t see his wife.

Tuesday and Wednesday came and wentPASSÈRENT with the same results.

But on Thursday, the swellingLE GONFLEMENT went downDIMINUA just enough for him to be able to see her a little out of the corner of his left eyeL’APERCEVOIR UN PEU DU COIN DE L’ŒIL.

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Vocabulary

Payday: the day when workers receive their wages or salary.

Swelling: a part of the body becoming enlarged after an injury.

Since it was paydayJOUR DE PAIE, Ben went out celebrating.

By Thursday, the swellingL’ENFLURE had gone down a little.

Grammar

The joke mainly uses narrative past tenses to tell a sequence of events and a conditional sentence for the wife’s question.

Past simple (narration): Ben left work on Friday and spent the weekend partying.

Second conditional: “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”

Synonyms & Alternatives

Pals: mates, friends.

Nagging: complaining, constant criticism.

Mini Dialogue

Oliver: Yesterday was paydayJOUR DE PAIE, so I bought a new bicycle.

James: Lucky you. I spent my entire wagesAI DÉPENSÉ TOUT MON SALAIRE fixing my car.

Oliver: My wife asked what I would do if she disappeared for two days.

James: Careful… you might end up with some serious swellingENFLURE too!

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© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

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