ESL JOKES

Learn English With Jokes Passez la souris ou touchez les mots soulignés pour voir la traduction. Ben left work QUITTA LE TRAVAIL one Friday evening. But since it was payday JOUR DE PAIE , instead of going home, he stayed out the whole weekend partying PASSA TOUT LE WEEK-END À FAIRE LA FÊTE with his pals POTES and spending his entire wages DÉPENSA TOUT SON SALAIRE . When he finally went home RENTRA CHEZ LUI on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife FUT CONFRONTÉ À SA FEMME EN COLÈRE and was barraged FUT BOMBARDÉ for nearly two hours about his behaviour. Finally his wife stopped the nagging CESSA LES RÉFLEXIONS and said to him, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?” Ben said, “That would be fine with me.” Monday went by PASSA and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went PASSÈRENT with the same results. But on Thursday, the swelling LE GONFLEMENT wen...

Learn English With Jokes Passez la souris ou touchez les mots soulignés pour voir la traduction. There was this boy at a street corner selling fish, screaming, “Dam fish! Fresh and low-priced! Get yourself some dam fish!” A preacher PRÊCHEUR walked up and asked him why he was calling them dam fish. The kid said, “I caught them at the town dam BARRAGE , so they’re dam fish.” The preacher bought a few, took them home and told his wife they were having dam fish for dinner. His wife looked at him in bewilderment PERPLEXITÉ , and said, “But preachers aren’t supposed to talk like that.” The preacher explained why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them. When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down, the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish. His son replied, “That’s the spirit, Dad. Pass the f*cking potatoes!” Vocabulary Dam: a barrier built...

Learn English With Jokes Passez la souris ou touchez les mots soulignés pour voir la traduction. A Catholic man enters the confessional LE CONFESSIONNAL and begins, “ Forgive me, I have sinned PARDONNEZ-MOI, MON PÈRE, CAR J’AI PÉCHÉ .” “Go on, my son,” replies the priest LE PRÊTRE . “ I swore J’AI LÂCHÉ UN GROS JURON the other day—in the most profane way possible,” the man confesses AVOUE L’HOMME . “Continue,” says the priest. “I was playing golf and hit my drive J’AI TAPÉ MON DRIVE . It looked perfect— dead straight BIEN DROIT down the fairway LE FAIRWAY . But about 200 yards out À ENVIRON 200 YARDS , my ball struck a power line A HEURTÉ UNE LIGNE ÉLECTRIQUE crossing overhead.” “And that’s when you swore?” asks the priest. “No, Father, not yet PAS ENCORE . The ball ricocheted off the wires and sailed into the deep rough LE ROUGH PROFOND .” “Aha, that must have been the moment, yes?” says the priest. “ Not eve...

Learn English With Jokes Passez la souris ou touchez les mots soulignés pour voir la traduction. A prince was put under a spell so that he could speak only one word each year UN SEUL MOT CHAQUE ANNÉE . If he chose not to speak for a year, he could carry those unused words forward REPORTA CES MOTS NON UTILISÉS . So, if he remained silent for two years, he could say two words in the third year, and so on. One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady. To express his feelings properly, he refrained from speaking S’ABSTINT DE PARLER for two whole years. Then, in the third year, he used his saved words to say, “My darling” « MA CHÉRIE » . But he wasn’t done. He wanted to tell her that he loved her — so he waited another three years without uttering a word SANS PRONONCER UN SEUL MOT . After those long, s...

Learn English With Jokes Passez la souris ou touchez les mots soulignés pour voir la traduction. A man rubs FROTTE a magic lamp and a genie GÉNIE APPARAÎT appears. “You get one wish VŒU ,” says the genie. The man thinks and says, “ I’m scared J’AI PEUR of travelling by plane AVION . I wish for a bridge PONT from California to Hawaii so I can drive there.” The genie rolls his eyes LEVA LES YEUX AU CIEL . “Do you have any idea what you’re asking? That’s thousands of miles DES MILLIERS DE KILOMÈTRES of ocean. It would take structural engineering beyond belief AU-DELÀ DE TOUTE IMAGINATION — billions of tons of concrete DES TONNES DE BÉTON and steel ACIER . Come on, man, wish for something else.” The man nods HOCHA LA TÊTE and says, “All righ...

Learn English With Jokes Passez la souris ou touchez les mots soulignés pour voir la traduction. An old man is hospitalised for a routine check-up. His dentures SON DENTIER FUT RETIRÉ have been removed. A nurse stops by to check on him and sees a bowl of peanuts on the patient's bedside table SUR SA TABLE DE CHEVET . He asks the old gentleman if he could have some. Because he has no teeth, the old man replies with some difficulty: “Go ahead, young man, help yourself SERVEZ-VOUS .” So the nurse takes a small handful UNE POIGNÉE and throws it into his mouth. The next day, the same nurse asks the old man if he can have some more peanuts. The old man says, “Of course, young man, take as many as you like.” And the same thing happens for a few m...