ESL JOKES

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer. A man goes into an airport bar and asks the bartender BARMAN for the Wi-Fi password MOT DE PASSE . The bartender BARMAN replies, “ You first need to IL FAUT D’ABORD buy a drink.” “Okay,” the man says. “I’ll have a Coke.” “Is Pepsi okay?” the bartender asks. “Sure.” “ How much is that ÇA FAIT COMBIEN ? ” “Two euros.” The man pays. “So, what’s the Wi-Fi password MOT DE PASSE ?” he asks. The bartender answers, “It’s… 'you-first-need-to-buy-a-drink'. No spaces. All lowercase EN MINUSCULES .” Vocabulary Bartender: a person who serves drinks in a bar. Password: a secret word or phrase used to gain access. Lowercase: written using small letters, not capitals (uppercase). ...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer. Une compilation d’attaques humoristiques célèbres de l’époque des primaires et de la campagne 2016. Ton satirique, parfois provocateur — idéal pour étudier le registre informel, l’ironie et le vocabulaire politique en anglais. Chris Rock: “(Donald Trump) might win POURRAIT GAGNER . He’s got enough ex-wives to vote for him.” Jimmy Kimmel: “The closest Trump ever got to battle was his fight with Rosie O’Donnell.” Marco Rubio: “Donald Trump likes to sue POURSUIVRE EN JUSTICE people. He should sue POURSUIVRE EN JUSTICE whoever QUICONQUE ↔ CELUI QUI did that to his face.” Marco Rubio: “A guy with the worst spray tan LE BRONZAGE AU SPRAY LE PLUS MOCHE in America is attacking me for putting on makeup MAQUILLAGE .” Jay Leno: “The good news? President Obama was born in America. The bad news? so was Trump TRUM...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer. So, a job interviewer INTERVIEWEUR asked the candidate, "How do explain this four-year gap ÉCART on your résumé CV ?" The interviewee CANDIDAT replied, "That's because I went to Yale." The interviewer exclaimed, "Oh, that's impressive! You are hired! VOUS ÊTES EMBAUCHÉ ! " The interviewee CANDIDAT responded, "Thanks! I really needed this yob." 🔍 Vocabulary In this joke, let's look at gap , résumé , and hired . Gap refers to an empty or missing period, often in employment or education history. Résumé is a document summarising a person's education, work experience, and skills. Hired means officially offered a job or position. There was a gap in her employment history due to travel....

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer. A man walks into a library bibliothèque and asks the librarian bibliothécaire , “Do you have any books on paranoia?” The librarian whispers chuchote , “They’re right behind you…” The man laughs nervously, checks over his shoulder regarde par-dessus son épaule , and says, “Okay, good one. Actually en fait ↔ en réalité , I’m looking for books on how to deal with delusions of grandeur délire de grandeur .” The librarian bibliothécaire nods hoche la tête and says, “Yes, Your Highness Votre Altesse , we keep those in the royal section on the third floor troisième étage , next to the throne trône .” The man chuckles ricane and says, “ Never mind laissez tomber , I’ll come back later. Right now I need a book on overcoming surmonter procrastination.” The librarian looks him dead in the eye droit dans le...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer. A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across TOMBE SUR | RENCONTRE PAR HASARD a shepherd BERGER and a huge flock TROUPEAU DE MOUTONS of sheep. He stops to rest, and says to the shepherd, “I will bet PARIER | MISER SUR you $200 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock.” The shepherd thinks about it. It’s a big flock, so he accepts the bet PARI . The man looks around and answers, “869 and a half. There's a little lamb AGNEAU as well.” The shepherd is astonished STUPÉFAIT | ÉTONNÉ , because that is exactly right. The shepherd says, “Okay, I’m a man of my word JE TIENS MA PAROLE , take an animal.” The man picks one up and begins to walk away. “Wait,” shouts the shepherd CRIE LE BERGER , “let me have a chance to get even SE VENGER . Double or nothing that I can guess DEVINER your exact occupat...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer. A sweet little old lady ADORABLE PETITE DAME ÂGÉE with blue-rinse hair shuffles into ENTRA EN TRAÎNANT LES PIEDS DANS a sex shop and in a trembling voice asks: “Y-y-young m-man… d-d-do y-you s-s-sell d-d-dildos DES G-GO-GODEMICHÉS h-here?” The clerk, trying to stay professional, replies, “Yes ma’am MADAME , we do.” She holds her shaky TREMBLANTES hands a foot apart ESPACÉES D’ENVIRON TRENTE CENTIMÈTRES and stammers BÉGAIE : “D-d-do you haaave a-a-any… ab-b-bout th-th-this looong D-D’ENVIRO-RON CETTE L-LONGUEUR ?” “Uh… yes ma’am, we have a few that size DE CETTE TAILLE .” “D-d-do a-a-any of th-them v-v-v-v-vibrate re-re-really st-strong VI-V-VIBRENT VRAIMENT TRÈS FORT ?” “Yes ma’am — this one here, the Mega Buzz 9000, has a very powerful motor.” She nods ELLE ACQUIESCE slowly, eyes ...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer. Excuse me, sir. May I PUIS-JE speak with you for a moment? Of course! Come on in. What can I do for you? Well, sir, as you know, I’ve been part of this prestigious firm for over DEPUIS PLUS DE ten years. Yes, I’m aware CONSCIENT of that. I won't beat around the bush TOURNER AUTOUR DU POT —I’d like a rise UNE AUGMENTATION . Currently, four companies are after me ME POURCHASSENT , so I decided to speak to you first. A rise? I’d love to give you one, but this really isn’t the right BON moment. We’re facing a downturn RÉCESSION . I understand your position, and I know the economic downturn RALENTISSEMENT ÉCONOMIQUE has affected sales VENTES . However, I believe my hard work, proactiveness ESPRIT D’INITIATIVE , and loyalty deserve MÉRITENT consideration. Taking all that...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer. A soldier ran up to A COURU VERS a nun. Out of breath À BOUT DE SOUFFLE , he asked, “Please, Sister, may I hide under your skirt VOTRE JUPE ? I’ll explain later.” The nun agreed ACQUIESÇA … and a moment later, two Military Cops ran up and asked, “Sister, have you seen a soldier go by here PASSA PAR ICI ?” The nun replied, “He went that way.” After the Military Cops had turned the corner, the soldier crawled out SORTIT EN RAMPANT from under her skirt and said, “I can’t thank you enough, Sister. You see, I don’t want to go to Iraq.” The nun said, “I understand completely.” The soldier added, “I hope I’m not being rude IMPOLI , but you have a great pair of legs!” The nun replied, “If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen ...