the beautiful, the strong, the ugly

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mosotho woman laughing like she has just heard the funniest joke in the village
Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer

Schwarzenegger, Quasimodo, and Lupita Nyong'o were sitting in a pub, chatting over drinks. Schwarzenegger said, “I bet youI’M SURE OR I BELIEVE I’m the strongest person in the world.”

Quasimodo said, “I’m so uglyNOT GOOD LOOKING, I reckonTHINK OR BELIEVE I’m the ugliestMOST NOT GOOD LOOKING person alive.”

Lupita Nyong'o said, “Everyone says I’m beautiful, so I betI’M SURE OR I BELIEVE I’m the most beautiful person in the world.”

Schwarzenegger said, “Let’s find outDISCOVER. Let’s all go down to the Guinness World Records Office, and we’ll meet upSEE EACH OTHER later to show our certificates.”

So they all went down to the Guinness World Records Office. Later, Lupita Nyong'o was sitting in the pub when Schwarzenegger walked in. Schwarzy proudly held up his certificate and said, “Look, it’s official – I’m the strongest person in the world!”

Lupita held up hers and said, “And mine confirms I’m the most beautiful person in the world!”

HoweverBUT, when Quasimodo entered, he was empty-handedCARRYING NOTHING and looked confused. He asked, “Who the f*ckRUDE, IMPOLITE WAY TO SAY ‘WHO’ is Eric Trump?”

Let's look at these three: empty-handed, reckon, and find out. These are casual and common in everyday English.
  • She showed up empty-handed to the dinner but was still welcomed warmly.
  • I reckon the train will be late again today.
  • Let’s find out what time the concert starts.
This joke uses the direct speech style to show exactly what each character says. It also features examples of the present simple for facts and to express what someone is willing to do with “will”, such as “we’ll meet up later.” These forms make the story dynamic and immediate.
  • He said, "I bet you I'm faster than anyone here."
  • We will meet at the cafĂ© around 17:00.
  • She says she knows someone who works there.

© — This blog shares jokes passed along from person to person, over time. I claim ownership to none of them. Feel free to copy, share, or tell them at your wedding, your next dinner party, or braaivleis, or bar mitzvah. Drop your favourite clean joke in the comment section and we'll happily share it.

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a husband with a temper

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Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer A woman goes to the doctor's, worried about her husband's temper MOOD OR EMOTIONAL STATE . The doctor asks, "What is the problem?" The woman says, "Doctor, I do not know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper BECOME ANGRY SUDDENLY for no reason. It scares me IT MAKES ME AFRAID ." The doctor says, "I have a solution for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry FEELING OR SHOWING STRONG UNHAPPINESS OR ANNOYANCE , just take a glass of water and start swishing MOVING LIQUID AROUND IN YOUR MOUTH WITHOUT SWALLOWING it in your mouth. Just swish MOVE LIQUID AROUND IN YOUR MOUTH and swish, but do not swallow CAUSE TO GO DOWN THE THROAT INTO THE STOMACH it until he either leaves the room or calms down." Two weeks later, the woman comes ...
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