the little old lady

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A farmer took his truck in for repairs. The local mechanics couldn't fix it while he waited, so—since he didn't live far—he decided to walk home. On the way, he stopped at the hardware storeMAGASIN DE BRICOLAGE and bought a bucketSEAU and a gallonGALLON (MESURE) of paint. He then stopped by the feed storeMAGASIN D'ALIMENTS POUR ANIMAUX and picked up two chickens and a gooseOIE.

However, strugglingLUTTANT outside the store, he now had a problem: how to carry all his purchasesACHATS home. As he was scratching his headSE GRATTANT LA TÊTE, a little old lady approached him and said she was lost. "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?" she asked.

"Well," said the farmer, "as a matter of factEN FAIT, my farm is very close to that house. I'd gladly walk you there, but I can't carry all this."

"Why don't you put the paint can in the bucket," suggested the little old lady, "carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm, and carry the gooseOIE in your other hand?"

"Thank you very much," he said, and proceeded to walk the old lady home. On the way, he said, "Let's take my shortcutRACCOURCI down this alley. We'll be there in no time."

The little old lady looked him over cautiously and said, "I'm a lonely widowVEUVE without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley, you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirtJUPE, and have your way with meFAIRE CE QUE VOUS VOUDREZ DE MOI?"

"Holy smokesSACREBLEU, lady!" the farmer exclaimed. "I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a gooseOIE. How in the world could I possibly do that?"

"Well," the old lady replied, "if you WERE to do such a thingSI TU DEVAIS FAIRE UNE TELLE CHOSE , you would set the gooseOIE down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I would hold the chickens."

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🔍 Vocabulary

In this joke, let's look at hardware store, goose, and widow.
Hardware store is a shop selling tools and building materials.
Goose is a large waterbird (oie in French). It's plural is 'geese' not gooses.
Widow refers to a woman whose spouse has died (veuve in French).

• I bought nails at the hardware store.
• The goose honked loudly at the intruders.
• After her husband passed, she became a widow.

📘 Grammar

This joke uses the past tense for narration ("took", "stopped", "bought") and direct speech with contractions ("I'd", "can't") to reflect natural conversation. Note the South African spelling of "mechanics" (no apostrophe in plural).

• The farmer took his truck for repairs.
• "I can't carry all this," he said.
• The mechanics couldn't fix it immediately.

🔄 Synonyms & Alternatives

Hardware store: DIY store, home improvement center
Goose: gander (male), waterfowl
Widow: surviving spouse, bereaved wife

💬 Mini Dialogue

Farmer: How am I supposed to carry all this?
Old Lady: Put the paint in the bucket and chickens under your arms.
Farmer: But what about the goose?
Old Lady: (smirking) Oh, I'm sure you'll think of something...
Farmer: (blushing) Holy smokes, woman!

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© —This blog shares jokes passed along from person to person, over time. I claim ownership to none of them. Feel free to copy, share, or tell them at your wedding, your next dinner party, or braaivleis, or bar mitzvah. Drop your favourite clean joke in the comment section and we'll happily share it.