29 November 2025

a guy and the librarian

Learn English With Jokes
Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer.

A man walks into a librarybibliothèque and asks the librarianbibliothécaire, “Do you have any books on paranoia?” And the librarian whisperschuchote, “They’re right behind you…”

The man laughs nervously, checks over his shoulderregarde par-dessus son épaule, and says, “Okay, good one. Actuallyen fait ↔ en réalité, I’m looking for books on how to deal with delusions of grandeurdélire de grandeur.”

The librarianbibliothécaire nodshoche la tête and says, “Yes, Your HighnessVotre Altesse, we keep those in the royal section on the third floortroisième étage, next to the thronetrône.”

The man chucklesricane and says, “Never mindlaissez tomber, I’ll come back later. Right now I need a book on overcomingsurmonter procrastination.”

The librarian looks him dead in the eyedroit dans les yeux and says, “It’ll be ready tomorrow.”

Frustrated, he says, “Fine. Just give me something on eternal happiness.” So she hands him a mirrorElle lui tend un miroir.

He looks in it, frownsfronce les sourcils, and says, “This is broken.” She replies, “Sir, that’s not a book, that’s the self-help sectionrayon développement personnel.”

At this point he’s completely fed upen a marre ↔ excédé. He slams his fist on the countertape du poing sur le comptoir and shouts, “I want to speak to the manager!”

The librarian leans inse penche vers lui calmly and says, “Sir… I am the manager. I’m also the only employee, the security guard and, because of budget cutsréductions budgétaires, technically I’m you as well. You’ve been talking to yourself for fifteen minutes. Your library card expired in 2017 and you still owedevez £4.90 in late feesfrais de retard for a copy of ‘How to Make Friends and Influence Librarians.’”

The man blinkscligne des yeux, slowly backs awayrecule, and whispersmurmure, “This is why I only use the internet.”

The librarian smiles sweetly and says, “That’ll be £4.90, please. Cash only. The Wi-Fi’s been watching you too.”


Vocabulary
delusions of grandeur: believing one is more important than one really is
budget cuts: reductions in available money
late fees: charges for returning something after the due date
He suffers from delusions of grandeurdélire de grandeur and thinks he’s royalty.
The council made severe budget cutsréductions budgétaires this year.
I still owedevoir £12 in late feesfrais de retard at the library.
Grammar
The joke mixes direct speech (exact words in quotation marks) and narrative past tense.
Direct speech: “They’re right behind you…” whisperschuchote the librarian.
Past continuous for longer actions: “You’ve been talking to yourself…” (= you started in the past and it’s still relevant).
Present perfect for unfinished actions: “Your card has expireda expiré” / “you still owedevez encore £4.90”.
Synonyms & Alternatives
delusions of grandeur: megalomania, inflated ego
budget cuts: spending reductions, cost-saving measures
late fees: overdue charges, lateness fines
Mini Dialogue
Customer: I’d like to return this book, please.
Librarian: It was due three months ago. You owedevez £18 in late feesfrais de retard.
Customer: £18?! That’s ridiculous!
Librarian: Don’t worry, sir. Because of budget cutsréductions budgétaires we’re very understanding… you can pay in instalments over the next ten years.


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