ESL JOKES

Learn English With Jokes • Ten Doctor Jokes ☀ / ☾ theme Learn English With Jokes Ten Doctor Jokes B1–B2 · Doctor Jokes · Wordplay & Grammar ✦ Survolez ou tapez sur les mots en ambre pour voir les définitions en français. 1. After the operation Patient: “Doctor, doctor! Since the operation, I can’t feel my legs SENTIR MES JAMBES !” Doctor: “That’s because we’ve cut off COUPÉ your hands.” 2. A carrot Patient: “Doctor, doctor! I feel like a carrot.” Doctor: “Don’t get yourself in a stew UN ÉTAT D’AGITATION / UN RAGOÛT !” “Get yourself in a stew” means to become worried or upset. A stew is also a dish that can contain carrots. 3. A swallowed AVALÉ watch Patient: “Doctor, doctor! I’ve swallowed AVALÉ a watch. What should I do?” Doctor: “Take these pills. They’ll help you pass the time PASSER LE TEMPS / FAIRE PASSER (L’OBJET) .” “Pass the ...

Learn English With Jokes • The Nurse & the Peanuts ☀ / ☾ theme Learn English With Jokes The Nurse & the Peanuts Intermediate · Hospital Humour · Vocabulary Building ✦ Survolez ou tapez sur les mots en ambre pour voir les définitions en français. An old man is hospitalised for a routine check-up. His dentures SON DENTIER FUT RETIRÉ have been removed. A nurse stops by to check on him and sees a bowl of peanuts on the patient's bedside table SUR SA TABLE DE CHEVET . He asks the old gentleman if he could have some. Because he has no teeth, the old man replies with some difficulty: “Go ahead, young man, help yourself SERVEZ-VOUS .” So the nurse takes a small handful UNE POIGNÉE and throws it into his mouth. The next day, the same nurse asks the old man if he can have some more peanuts. The old man says, “Of course, young man, take as many as you like.” And the...

Learn English With Jokes • A Second Opinion ☀ / ☾ theme Learn English With Jokes A Second Opinion B1–B2 · Medical Vocabulary · Dark Humour ✦ Survolez ou tapez sur les mots en ambre pour voir les définitions en français. A week after arriving back home DE RETOUR CHEZ LUI in the United States, a man wakes up one morning and finds bright green and purple spots DES TACHES D’UN VERT VIF ET VIOLETTES on his penis. He is horrified HORRIFIÉ and immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor has never seen anything like this before. He orders some tests PRESCRIT DES ANALYSES and asks the man to come back in two days for the results. Two days later, the doctor says, “I’m afraid I have some bad news. You’ve contracted CONTRACTÉ a disease called Mongolian VD. It’s very rare and almost unheard of INCONNUE here in the United States. We know very little about it.” The man looks confused. “Can’t you give me a shot...

Learn English With Jokes • Two Planets Learn with a joke, then do a quick quiz. ☀ / ☾ theme Two Planets Intermediate · Past Simple · Vocabulary Building ✦ Survolez ou tapez sur les mots en ambre pour voir les définitions en français. During my check-up BILAN DE SANTÉ I asked the Physician MÉDECIN , "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life?" He replied, "I kind of doubt it J'EN DOUTE UN PEU . You see, Mercury is in Uranus MERCURE EST DANS URANUS (JEU DE MOTS : "URANUS" SONNE COMME "YOUR ANUS") right now." I said, "I don't go in for JE NE M'INTÉRESSE PAS À any of that astrology ASTROLOGIE nonsense." He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer THERMOMÈTRE just broke." ...