A sweet little old ladyADORABLE PETITE DAME ĂGĂE with blue-rinse hair shuffles intoENTRA EN TRAĂNANT LES PIEDS DANS a sex shop and in a trembling voice asks:
Excuse me, sir. May IPUIS-JE speak with you for a moment?
Of course! Come on in. What can I do for you?
Well, sir, as you know, I’ve been part of this prestigious firm for overDEPUIS PLUS DE ten years.
Yes, I’m awareCONSCIENT of that.
I won't beat around the bushTOURNER AUTOUR DU POT—I’d like a riseUNE AUGMENTATION. Currently, four companies are after meME POURCHASSENT, so I decided to speak to you first.
A rise? I’d love to give you one, but this really isn’t the rightBON moment. We’re facing a downturnRĂCESSION.
I understand your position, and I know the economic
downturn
RALENTISSEMENT ĂCONOMIQUE
has affected
sales
VENTES. However, I believe my hard work,
proactiveness
ESPRIT D’INITIATIVE, and loyalty
deserve
MĂRITENT
consideration.
Taking all that into account—and because I don’t want to risk a brain drainFUITE DES CERVEAUX—I’m willingJE SUIS PRĂT to offer you a ten percent rise and five extra days of leaveCONGĂ. How does that sound?
Fantastic! That’s a dealC'EST CONCLU. Thank you, sir!
Before you go, just out of curiosity, which companies were after youVOUS POURCHASSAIENT?
Oh, the Electric Company, the Gas Company, the Water Company, and the Mortgage CompanyLA BANQUE (POUR LE PRĂT IMMOBILIER)!
Brain drain — loss of talented staff, often to other employers.
A raise — an increase in salary.
Leave — authorised time away from work (e.g., holiday, sick leave).
đ Grammar
This joke uses:
Modal verbs: “May I…?”, “I’d like…”, “I’m willing…” — all polite and hypothetical.
Present perfect: “I’ve been part…” shows duration up to now.
Reported offers and reasons: “Taking that into account…”, “Considering…” — complex sentence linking.
đ Synonyms & Alternatives
May I: Could I, Might I A raise: A pay rise (UK), Salary increase Proactiveness: Initiative, Forward thinking Deserve: Merit, Be worthy of Brain drain: Talent exodus, Staff turnover
đŹ Mini Dialogue
Professor: I’ve noticed fewer students are enrolling this year. Administrator: Yes, there’s a real brain drain. Many have gone abroad. Professor: We must be more proactive—maybe update our course offerings? Administrator: Good idea. I’m willing to raise the research budget, too. Professor: Excellent. Let’s not wait for another downturn to hit us.
A soldier ran up toA COURU VERS a nun.
Out of breathĂ BOUT DE SOUFFLE, he asked,
“Please, Sister, may I hide under
your skirt VOTRE JUPE? I’ll explain later.”
The nun agreedACQUIESĂA… and a moment later,
two Military Cops ran up and asked,
“Sister, have you seen a soldier
go by herePASSA PAR ICI?”
The nun replied, “He went that way.”
After the Military Cops had turned the corner, the soldier
crawled outSORTIT EN RAMPANT
from under her skirt and said,
“I can’t thank you enough, Sister. You see, I don’t want to go to Iraq.”
The nun said, “I understand completely.”
The soldier added, “I hope I’m not being
rudeIMPOLI,
but you have a great pair of legs!”
The nun replied, “If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of
something elseAUTRE CHOSE.
I don’t want to go to Iraq either.”
Vocabulary
Nun: a woman who belongs to a religious order.
Skirt: a piece of clothing worn from the waist down.
Rude: impolite or disrespectful.
Grammar
Past simple: used for completed actions in the past.
Reported speech: retelling what someone said.
Third conditional: talks about unreal or hypothetical situations in the past.
A woman got on a bus, holding a baby.
The bus driver said, “That’s the ugliestLE PLUS MOCHE baby I’ve ever seen!”
The woman slammedCLAQUA VIOLEMMENT her money down and went to sit at the back of the bus.
The man next to her sensedRESSENTIT that she was not happy and asked her what was wrong.
“That bus driver just insulted meM’INSULTA,” she fumedFULMINA.
The man sympathised and said, “Why, he’s a public servantFONCTIONNAIRE and shouldn’t say things to insult passengers.”
“You’re right,” she said. “I think I’ll go back there and give him a piece of my mindLUI DIT SES QUATRE VĂRITĂS.”
“That’s a good idea,” the man said. “Here, let me holdTENIR your monkey.”
Vocabulary
Ugliest: extremely unattractive.
Public servant: a person employed by the state.
Fumed: expressed anger intensely.
The driver called the baby ugliestLE PLUS MOCHE.
A bus driver is a public servantFONCTIONNAIRE.
She fumedFULMINA with rage.
Grammar
Past simple: describes completed actions in the past.
Direct speech: exact words spoken, shown in quotation marks.
Husband: "When I get madFĂCHĂ at you, you never fight backCONTRE-ATTAQUER. How do you control your angerCOLĂRE?"
Wife: "I cleanJE NETTOIE the toilet."
Husband: "And how does that helpAIDER?"
Wife: "I useJ’UTILISE your toothbrushBROSSE Ă DENTS."
Vocabulary
Mad: angry or annoyed.
Fight back: to defend oneself or respond aggressively.
Toothbrush: a small brush used for cleaning teeth.
He got madFĂCHĂ when the team lost.
She didn’t fight backCONTRE-ATTAQUER during the argument.
Leave your toothbrushBROSSE Ă DENTS in the bathroom.
Grammar
We use the present simple for habits, routines and general truths. Direct speech is introduced without a reporting verb when it continues a conversation.
Present simple (habits): You never fight back.
Present simple (routines):I clean the toilet.
Direct speech continuation: "And how does that help?"
Synonyms & Alternatives
Mad: angry, cross
Fight back: retaliate, defend oneself
Toothbrush: electric toothbrush, dental brush
Mini Dialogue
Husband: Why don’t you ever fight backCONTRE-ATTAQUER when I get madFĂCHĂ?
Wife: I just cleanNETTOIE something.
Husband: Does that really helpAIDER with your angerCOLĂRE?
Wife: Yes – especially when I use your toothbrushBROSSE Ă DENTS!
