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The PopeLE PAPE, the Dalai Lama, and the Archbishop of Canterbury decide to go fishing. They hireILS LOUÈRENT a boat and row outRAMÈRENT AU LARGE to the middle of a lake. It is a scorching dayUNE JOURNÉE TORRIDE, and within an hour or two they have finished all the beer.
“Let’s row back to shoreREVÎNMES À LA RIVE EN RAMANT and get a carry-outDE QUOI BOIRE À EMPORTER AU PUB from the local pub,” says the Pope.
“No need,” says the Dalai Lama. He steps over the sidePASSA PAR-DESSUS LE BORD of the boat and calmly walks across the surface of the water to the shoreLA RIVE. Ten minutes later, he returns with more beer and steps into the boatREMONTA DANS LE BATEAU.
Half an hour later, they run out of beerILS N’EURENT PLUS DE BIÈRE again.
“My turn,” says the Pope. He peersIL REGARDA ATTENTIVEMENT over the side and breaks into a broad smileAFFICHA UN LARGE SOURIRE. He steps over and walks across the water, returning shortly after with more beer, strollingSE PROMENANT TRANQUILLEMENT back to the boat.
Another half hour passes, and once again the beer is gone.
The Archbishop steps over the side of the boat and immediately sinks below the surfaceCOULA SOUS LA SURFACE. The other two haul him back aboardLE HISSAIENT À BORD. As he lies there coughingTOUSSAIT and splutteringCRACHAIT DE L’EAU, the Pope says, “Do you think we should have told him about the stepping stonesLES PASSE-PIERRES?”
Vocabulary
Carry-out: drinks or food bought to take away from a pub.
Shore: the land at the edge of a lake or sea.
They went to get a carry-outDES BOISSONS À EMPORTER from the pub.
He walked across the water to the shoreLA RIVE.
Grammar
The joke mainly uses the past simple for narration, with present tense in direct speech.
Past simple narration: They rowed out to the middle of the lake.
Past simple in sequence: He stepped over and walked across the water.
Synonyms & Alternatives
Shore: bank, waterside.
Carry-out: takeaway, to-go drinks.
Mini Dialogue
Oliver: Let’s go to the café and get a carry-outDES BOISSONS À EMPORTER.
Harry: Good idea. We can sit by the shoreLA RIVE and relax.
Passez la souris sur (ou touchez) les mots soulignés pour voir la traduction.
On an international flightVOL, a young woman was having a long conversation with the priestPRÊTRE sitting next to her.
They were about toALLAIENT DE land when the woman, looking slightly embarrassed, said, “Listen, Father, may I ask you for a favour? I bought a luxury massage toolAPPAREIL that was quite expensive, and I really don’t want to pay customs feesTAXES DE DOUANE. Could youPOURRIEZ‑VOUS hide it under your cassockSORTE DE ROBE LONGUE when we pass through customsLA DOUANE… please?”
The priest reluctantlyÀ CONTRECŒUR agreed and hid the massage tool under his cassock. But he warned her, “I’ll do my best, but I cannot lieMENTIR.”
At the airport, a customs officerDOUANIER approached the priest and asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?”
The priest replied, “From my head to my waistTAILLE, I have nothing to declare.”
The officer follows‑upPOSA UNE QUESTION SUPPLÉMENTAIRE, “Well, do you have anything to declare belowAU‑DESSOUS DE your waist?”
The priest answered, “BelowAU‑DESSOUS DE my waist, I only have a tool meant to pleasePOUR PLAIRE women, but up to today, it has still not been used.”
Vocabulary
Customs fees: extra money paid when bringing goods into a country.
Cassock: a long, loose robe worn by priests.
The woman does not want to pay customs feesTAXES DE DOUANE.
She asks the priest to hide the massage toolAPPAREIL under his cassock.
Grammar
The joke uses mainly past simple to narrate events and reported speech, with a few present‑tense lines in the direct dialogue.
Past simple: They were about to land when the woman said, “Listen, Father, may I ask you for a favour?”
Reported speech / indirect meaning: The priest warned her that he could not lie.
Present in dialogue: The customs officer asks, “Father, do you have anything to declare?”
Synonyms & Alternatives
Customs fees: import duties, customs charges.
Tool: device, gadget.
Mini Dialogue
Louise: I just bought an expensive perfume in Paris and I really don’t want to pay customs feesTAXES DE DOUANE.
Tom: I could put it under my jacket at the airport, but I cannot lieMENTIR if they ask.
Customs officer: Do you have anything to declare belowAU‑DESSOUS DE your waist?
Tom: No, sir, I only have my passport and my wallet.
Choisissez des blagues selon la grammaire utilisée (à partir des 'labels' au dessus)
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Two AfrikanerDESCENDANT NEERLANDAIS D’AFRIQUE DU SUD friends, Pieter and Jaco, were chattingDISCUTAIENT before Pieter’s weddingMARIAGE.
Pieter admitted, “BoetFRÈRE… I’m stressing. I’ve never… you know… been with a woman before.”
Jaco grinnedSOURIAIT LARGEMENT. “Relax, man. I’ve got youJE M’OCCUPE DE TOI / JE GÈRE. I’ll sneakME FAUFILER DISCRÈTEMENT into the honeymoon suiteSUITE NUPTIALE before you arrive, hide behind the curtainLE RIDEAU, and whisperCHUCHOTER instructions.”
“You’d do that for me?”
“Of course, broerFRÈRE.”
So the big day arrived. It was a beautiful wedding and the couple looked happy. Jaco slipped intoSE GLISSA DISCRÈTEMENT DANS the honeymoon suite early and hid behindSE CACHA DERRIÈRE the curtain.
Later, Pieter and his new wife, Anel, arrived. Things started getting romantic… but Pieter was nervous, and his stomach was not cooperating.
“Listen, my love,” he said, “I’m just going to the bathroomLES TOILETTES quickly. That worsrolSAUCISSE EN PÂTE FEUILLETÉE from earlier…”
“No problem, babe.”
He disappeared into the bathroom—and took a whileA PRIS DU TEMPS.
Now Anel started getting anxious too. She felt the pressure building, but she did not want to ruin the moment by running to the bathroom right after him.
She looked aroundREGARDA AUTOUR D’ELLE, panicking, and spottedREPÉRA a shoebox. In desperation, she used it… then quickly shoved it under the bedPOUSSA SOUS LE LIT just as Pieter came out.
They got back on the bed and started again. But after a minute, Pieter paused.
“EishAÏE… what’s that smell?C’EST QUOI CETTE ODEUR ?”
“Nothing, my love,” Anel said quickly.
“No man, there’s definitely something not right here.”
He got up, started searching the room… corners, cupboardPLACARD / ARMOIRE… then finally looked under the bed.
He pulled out the shoebox, opened it… and recoiledRECULA AVEC DÉGOÛT.
“SiesBEURK! Darr's kak in hierdie doosIL Y A DE LA MERDE DANS CETTE BOÎTE!”
From behind the curtain, Jaco shouted:
“Nee man, draai haar omNON MEC, RETOURNE-LA!”
Vocabulary
Boet: Afrikaans informal term for brother or mate.
Sies: Afrikaans exclamation expressing disgust.
Pieter said, “BoetFRÈRE… I’m stressing.”
He shouted “SiesBEURK!” when he opened the box.
Grammar
The joke mainly uses past simple to narrate the sequence of events and past continuous for ongoing or background actions, with reported speech for the dialogue.
Past simple: Two friends were chatting before the wedding and Jaco slipped into the suite.
Reported speech: Pieter admitted that he had never been with a woman before.
Synonyms & Alternatives
Boet: broer, mate, buddy.
Sies: yuck, gross, disgusting (expression of distaste).
Mini Dialogue
Thomas: Mate, I’m really nervous. I have never driven on the motorway before.
Lucas: Relax. I will hide in the back seat and whisper instructions.
Thomas: My hands are shaking. What if I make a mistake?
Lucas (whispering): Keep calm and turn left at the next junction!
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.
We'll see about thatNOUS VERRONS BIEN CELA.
Stewart Francis
If we were truly created by God, then why do we still occasionally bite the insides of our own mouths?
Dara Ó Briain
I cleaned the atticLE GRENIER with my wife the other day. Now I can't get the
cobwebsTOILES D’ARAIGNÉE out of her hair.
Unknown
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Emo Philips
When climbing the ladder of success, don't let boys look up your skirt!
Unknown
Most of our suspicions of others are aroused by our knowledge of ourselves.
Unknown
War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.
Ambrose Bierce, 1842–1913
I remember the last thing my
nanMAMIE said to me before she died: What are you doing here with that
hammerMARTEAU?
Lee Mack
Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!"
Henny Youngman
I think I see a cab. If we run quickly we can kick the
crutchBÉQUILLE from that old lady and get it.
Woody Allen
Vocabulary
Attic: the space just below the roof of a house.
Cobwebs: old spider webs found in neglected places.
They went up to the atticLE GRENIER.
Her hair was full of cobwebsTOILES D’ARAIGNÉE.
Grammar
The quotes mix conditionals, past narration, and direct speech for comic timing.
Second conditional: If God had written the Bible…
Direct speech: “We’ll see about that.”
Synonyms & Alternatives
Attic: loft, roof space.
Cobwebs: spider webs, dust threads.
Mini Dialogue
Arthur: If I had known, I would never have gone into the atticLE GRENIER.
Brian: Why? Was it full of cobwebsTOILES D’ARAIGNÉE?
Arthur: Completely! I looked like a ghost afterwards.
Brian: We’ll see about that when I check the photos.
