ESL JOKES

Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer A guy walks into a bar ENTERS A PUB after a long day at work and orders a drink ASKS FOR AN ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGE . As he sits there, mulling THINKING DEEPLY over his day, he hears a high-pitched voice say, “That shirt looks great on you!” The man looks around, sees nothing, and returns to his drink, thinking little of it. But then, moments later, the voice returns, this time saying, “You seem like a really cool guy!” Again, the man looks around, finds no one, and returns to his drink, wondering if THINKING THAT IT MIGHT BE POSSIBLE he should see a doctor. Eventually, just as his nerves settle and he believes the voice is gone, he hears, “I bet your parents are really proud PLEASED AND SATISFIED of you!” He slams down his drink PUTS HIS DRINK DOWN LOUDLY AND ANGRILY and looks around wildly IN A CRAZY OR CONFUSED WAY . Frustrated, and unable to find the sourc...

Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer The private jet had taken off quite typically IN A USUAL OR NORMAL WAY and had been flying for a while when suddenly one of the engines popped MADE A SUDDEN LOUD NOISE . The plane went into a loop A CIRCULAR MOVEMENT IN THE AIR , then lost altitude. Flames were now visible from the bad engine. “Mayday! Mayday!” the pilot screamed SHOUTED VERY LOUDLY, USUALLY IN FEAR OR PANIC into his mic. “May Day!” No answer. The aircraft went into another loop and started trembling SHAKING SLIGHTLY BECAUSE OF FEAR, WEAKNESS, OR INSTABILITY . The smell of smoke had by now infested SPREAD UNPLEASANTLY THROUGHOUT the cabin. The pilot held on and after a few explosions SUDDEN AND VIOLENT BURSTS in the rear, managed to land the private jet at Mcghee Tyson Airport, the nearest airport. Midgets OUTDATED, OFFENSIVE TERM FOR VERY SHORT PEOPLE started coming down th...

Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer Woman: If we got engaged IF WE PROMISED TO MARRY to be married, would you give me a ring? Man: Yes, of course. If I knew your number. Two birds were sitting in a tree as a jet plane passed overhead IN THE SKY ABOVE . "Look at the speed of that bird!" said the younger bird. The older bird replied, "If your tail ANIMAL'S REAR BODY APPENDAGE was on fire, you'd go that fast too." Fish A: " How the hell INFORMAL FOR 'HOW ON EARTH' did we end up in this aquarium?" Fish B: "Well, if we had kept our mouths shut, we wouldn’t have been caught." A woman woke up in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from the bed. But in the quietness SILENCE of the house, she could hear sounds downstairs. So she put on a robe DRESSING GOWN , went downstairs, and looked around, but sti...

Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer I was dining with my mother-in-law MOTHER OF HUSBAND OR WIFE one evening, when I made the oddest STRANGEST OR MOST UNUSUAL Freudian slip UNINTENTIONAL WORD MISTAKE THAT REVEALS TRUE FEELINGS of my entire life! I meant to say, ‘Please pass the butter.’” “And what did you say instead?” his friend inquired ASKED (FORMAL WORD) , clearly interested. “What actually came out of my mouth was, ‘You ruined my life, you old hag OLD, UNATTRACTIVE, UNKIND WOMAN ! hag ’” Let's look at these three: Freudian slip , oddest , and inquired . I once called my teacher “mum” — a classic Freudian slip ! That was the oddest meal I’ve ever had — the soup was purple. She inquired about the time of the next meeting. This joke uses the past simple to tell a humourous story about a dinner gone wrong. The humour comes from the gap between the speaker’s ...