the praying girl

Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer.

Dad is listening to his daughter say her prayersRÉCITE SES PRIÈRES before bedtime.

She says, “God bless MummyQUE DIEU BÉNISSE MAMAN, and God bless Daddy, and God bless Grandma, and… goodbye Grandpa.”

He asks her, “Why did you say that?”

“I just felt like saying itJ’AI EU JUSTE ENVIE DE LE DIRE,” she replies.

The next day, Grandpa drops deadMOURUT SUBITEMENT. Wow, thinks Dad. That’s an odd coincidenceÉTRANGE COÏNCIDENCE.

A month later, at bedtimeAU MOMENT DU COUCHER, the daughter says, “God bless Mummy and Daddy. And goodbye Grandma.”

Sure enoughCOMME PRÉVU, the next day, Grandma breathes her last earthly breathSON DERNIER SOUFLE TERRESTRE.

Dad realises this is more than a coincidence, but he is unsure what to do. He doesn’t want to disturb his wife after allAPRÈS TOUT, who was grieving her parents.

Months go byPLUSIEURS MOIS PASSÈRENT, and one night, he listens as she begins racingACCÉLÈRE LE RYTHME DE SES PRIÈRES and then turns to him, “And goodbye Daddy.”

“What!? Are you sure, honey?” he asks. She nodsELLE HOCHE LA TÊTE.

His heart starts breaking out in a sweatÀ SUEUR FROIDE. He is so upsetBOULEVERSÉ that he cannot sleep at all that night.

The next day, he locks himself in his officeS’ENFERMA DANS SON BUREAU, takes the phone off the hookDÉCROCHA LE TÉLÉPHONE, cancels all meetings, and waits. He feels safeEN SÉCURITÉ there, watching the hours tick byS’ÉGRAINER.

Finally, at midnight, drenched in sweatTREMPLÉ DE SUEUR, he realises he has cheated deathIL A ÉCHAPPÉ À LA MORT. Exhausted and frazzledÉPUISÉ ET DÉSEMBOUANTÉ, he drives home.

His wife is waiting. “Where the hellOÙ DIABLE were you today?” she demands.

“Don’t shout,” he replies. “I’ve had an absolutely miserable day.”

She retortsRÉTORQUE, “You had a miserable day? First, the milkman drops deadLE LIVREUR DE LAIT EST MORT SUBITEMENT on the steps…”

---

Vocabulary

Say her prayers: Récite ses prières

God bless Mummy: Que Dieu bénisse Maman

I just felt like saying it: J’ai eu juste envie de le dire

Drops dead: Mourut subitement

Odd coincidence: Étrange coïncidence

At bedtime: Au moment du coucher

Her last earthly breath: Son dernier souffle terrestre

Breaking out in a sweat: À sueur froide

Grammar

Past simple: Dad asked her, “Why did you say that?”

Direct speech: “God bless Mummy,” she says.

Synonyms & Alternatives

Upset: distressed, troubled, anxious

Frazzled: exhausted, worn out, drained

Locks himself in his office: barricades, secludes, isolates

Drenched in sweat: soaked, perspiring heavily, sweating bullets

Mini Dialogue

Dad: Why did you say that?

Daughter: I just felt like saying itJ’AI EU JUSTE ENVIE DE LE DIRE.

Dad: What!? Are you sure, honey?

Daughter: She nodsELLE HOCHE LA TÊTE.

Wife: Where the hell were you today?

Dad: Don’t shout, I’ve had an absolutely miserable day.

---

© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

💡 Get fresh ESL jokes straight to your inbox:

🌱 If you enjoy this blog, consider buying me a coffee.

mother and daughters

Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer.

A woman was walking home with her three young daughters, enjoying a peaceful evening strollPROMENADE.

The eldestAÎNÉE daughter looked up at her mother and asked sweetlyDOUCEMENT, “Mummy, how did I get my name?”

Her mother smiled and repliedRÉPONDIT, “Well, sweetieMA CHÉRIE, when we were bringing you home from the hospital, a beautiful rose petal floated downTOMBA LÉGÈREMENT and landed gently on your head. That’s why we named you Rose.”

The second daughter, now curious, pipes upINTERVINT with the same question: “What about me, Mummy? How did I get my name?”

“DarlingMA CHÉRIE,” her mother answered warmlyCHALEUREUSEMENT, “when we were carrying you home from the hospital, a delicate lily petalPÉTALE DE LYS drifted down and settledSE POSA right on your head. That’s why your name is Lily.”

The youngestBENJAMINE daughter, who had been quietly listening until now, suddenly turns to her motherSE TOURNE VERS SA MÈRE with wide eyesLES YEUX ÉCARQUILLÉS and lets outLAISSE ÉCHAPPER an enthusiastic, completely unintelligible burst of soundÉCLAT DE SON: “H’k—?! —pft?! —gh?! —dsty—?! —hkkk-nngh!!”

The mother glances downBAISSA LES YEUX at her, placed a gentle finger to her lipsLÈVRES, and said calmly, “Shhh, be quiet now, CinderblockPARPAING.”

---

Vocabulary

Stroll: a slow, relaxed walk for pleasure.

Eldest: the oldest of a group of siblings.

Burst of sound: a sudden, short explosion of noise or speech.

They were enjoying a peaceful evening strollPROMENADE.

The eldestAÎNÉE daughter asked sweetly.

She lets outLAISSA ÉCHAPPER a strange burst of soundÉCLAT DE SON.

Grammar

The joke mainly uses past simple to narrate the sequence of events and past continuous to describe background actions or ongoing situations.

Past simple: A rose petal landed on her head.

Past continuous: They were bringing you home from the hospital.

Direct speech: “Well, sweetie,” her mother replied.

Synonyms & Alternatives

Stroll: walk, saunter, amble.

Sweetie | Darling: love, dear, sweetheart.

Burst of sound: outburst, exclamation, garbled noise.

Glances down: looks down, bends her gaze downward, casts her eyes down.

Mini Dialogue

Rose: Mummy, how did I get my name?

Mother: A rose petal floated downTOMBA LÉGÈREMENT on your head, sweetie. That’s why you’re Rose.

Lily: And me, Mummy? How did I get my nameMON NOM?

Mother: A lily petalPÉTALE DE LYS settledSE POSA on you, darling. That’s why you’re Lily.

Youngest: H’k—?! —pft?! —gh?! —dsty—?! —hkkk-nngh!!

Mother: Shhh, be quiet now, CinderblockPARPAING.

---

© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

💡 Get fresh ESL jokes straight to your inbox:

🌱 If you enjoy this blog, consider buying me a coffee.

six jokes

Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer.

One day, a wife calls her husband and says, “be carefulFAIS ATTENTION driving home — the radio is saying that some total moronCRÉTIN | IMBÉCILE is driving down the wrong side of the motorwayAUTOROUTE.”

The husband replies, “There’s not just one, honeyCHÉRIE, there are hundredsDES CENTAINES of them!”

---

I remember fondlyAVEC TENDRESSE my grandaddyGRAND-PÈRE’s last words: “Stop shaking that ladderARRÊTE DE SECOUER CETTE ÉCHELLE, you moronIMBÉCILE!”

---

A guyTYPE ↔ GARS walks up to a bar where two women are sitting and says, “Are you ladies from Ireland?”

They give him a dirty lookUN REGARD NOIR and say, “WalesLE PAYS DE GALLES /weɪlz/.”

“Oh, I’m sorry — are you two whalesBALEINES /weɪlz/ from Ireland?”

---

“Why did you leave your last job?” — “The company relocatedA DÉMÉNAGÉ and didn’t tell me where.”

---

A man wakesSE RÉVEILLE from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarksREMARQUE, "I really cannot depend on youJE NE PEUX PAS COMPTER SUR TOI in anything, can I?"

---

I went to the doctor'sCHEZ LE MÉDECIN. He said: “Don't eat anything fattyGRAS ↔ GRASSE.

"What...," I asked. "Like bacon and burgers?"QUOI..., COMME DU BACON ET DES BURGERS ?

He said, "No, FattyGROS ↔ BOUBOULE ↔ GROS TAS. Don't eat anything."

Vocabulary

Moron: a very stupid person.

Motorway: a major road for fast traffic.

Relocated: moved to a different place.

Grammar

Present simple: Used to tell jokes and general truths.

Reported speech: Used to recount what someone says.

Question tags: “can I?” adds irony or complaint.

Synonyms & Alternatives

Moron: idiot, fool.

Guy: bloke, fellow.

Dirty look: glare, scowl.

Mini Dialogue

Wife: Be carefulFAIS ATTENTION driving home.

Husband: There are hundreds of them!

Man: Are you from Ireland?

Woman: Wales.

© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

💡 Get fresh ESL jokes straight to your inbox:

🌱 If you enjoy this blog, consider buying me a coffee.

bar bets

Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer.

A man walks into a bar.

He goes up to the bartender and asks if he likes to gambleJOUER ↔ PARIER.

The bartender says, "Sure, I’ll take a bet. What’s your wagerMISE ↔ PARI?"

The man offers a €50 betPARI DE 50 € that he can bite his own eyeballMORDRE SON PROPRE ŒIL. The bartender, thinking it’s easy money, accepts, and is shocked when the man removes his glass eyeŒIL EN VERRE and bites down on it.

Laughing, the man notices the bartender is upsetBOULEVERSÉ ↔ FURIEUX about losing his money, so he offers him a chance to win it backRÉCUPÉRER SON ARGENT. "Double or nothingPARI DOUBLE OU RIEN: I bet I can bite my other eye."

The bartender thinks it overRÉFLÉCHIT. He knows he was tricked out of €5050 €, but he also knows this man can’t possibly have two glass eyes, so he pulls another €5050 € from the till and accepts the bet.

The man promptlyIMMÉDIATEMENT takes out his false teethFAUX DENTS and gently closes them around his other eye.

Now the bartender is visibly angry about losing €100100 €, and the man’s laughter isn’t helping. Just before he throws him outLE FAIT SORTIR, the man raises his hand.

"Really sorry about that, palMON AMI ↔ POTE. I pull that stunt all the time, but you’ve been a good sportBEAU JOUEUR ↔ UN BON PARTICIPANT, so I’ll give you another chance to win some cash. I’ve got €500500 € that says if you slide a shot glassFAIRE GLISSER UN VERRE À SHOT down the bar, I can run alongside itLE LONG DU VERRE ↔ À CÔTÉ DU VERRE and urinateURINER into the glass without missing a dropSANS MANQUER UNE GOUTTE. It’s tricky, so I get two attempts."

The bartender, eagerIMPATIENT ↔ DÉSIREUX to win back his money, thinks about how difficult this would be—especially with only one eye to line up the shot—and willinglyVOLONTAIREMENT | SANS HÉSITATION accepts the bet.

The man drops his trousersPANTALON. When the bartender puts the shot glass on the counter, the man shouts, "Go!" prompting the bartender to slide it along the bar.

The man chases after itPOURSUIVIT, aiming carefully. However, urinating while runningURINER EN COURANT isn’t easy, so only a few drops land in the glass by the time it reaches the other end.

Catching his breathREPRENDANT SON SOUFFLE, the man reminds the bartender he has a second attempt. "The first was just to get his bearings," he says. Once again, he shouts, "Go!" giving the bartender the cue.

Again, the man chases wildly, spraying urineÉPARPILLANT DE L’URINE all over the bar, stoolsTABOURETS, floor, and even hitting bottles behind the counter. Not a single drop finds its way into the shot glass.

Head hanging low, he hands the bartender 500 €. The bartender gleefully accepts, jumping up and down in joy at the cash he has just won.

Suddenly, a man at the back of the bar slams his fist on his tableFRAPPE SON POING SUR LA TABLE and screams, "Bloody hellMINCE ! ↔ DIABLE !"

The bartender muttersMURMURE ↔ GROMMELLE at the 'urinator': "What's the problem with that guy?"

The man replies, "Oh, I just bet that guy 10 000 € I could piss all over your barURINER PARTOUT DANS TON BAR, and you’d jump up and down with joyVOUS SAUTERIEZ DE JOIE."

---

Vocabulary

Wager: Mise, Pari

Glass eye: Œil en verre

False teeth: Faux dents

Urinate: Uriner, faire pipi

Get his bearings: S’orienter, prendre ses repères

Grammar

Past simple: The bartender accepted the bet.

Direct speech: “Really sorry about that, pal,” he said.

Present participle: “Chasing after it, the man aimed carefully.”

Synonyms & Alternatives

Wager: Bet, stake, gamble

Urinate: Pee, piss, micturate

Chasing: Running after, pursuing, following

Gleefully: Joyfully, happily, delightedly

Mini Dialogue

Man: Double or nothing: I bet I can bite my other eye.

Bartender: Are you serious? You only have one glass eye!

Man: Really sorry, pal. Here’s another challenge for €500500 €.

Bartender: Fine, I accept the bet!

---

© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

💡 Get fresh ESL jokes straight to your inbox:

🌱 If you enjoy this blog, consider buying me a coffee.

the password

Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer.

A man goes into an airport bar and asks the bartenderBARMAN for the Wi-Fi passwordMOT DE PASSE.

The bartenderBARMAN replies, “You first need toIL FAUT D’ABORD buy a drink.”

“Okay,” the man says. “I’ll have a Coke.”

“Is Pepsi okay?” the bartender asks.

“Sure.”

“How much is thatÇA FAIT COMBIEN ?”

“Two euros.”

The man pays.

“So, what’s the Wi-Fi passwordMOT DE PASSE?” he asks.

The bartender answers, “It’s… 'you-first-need-to-buy-a-drink'. No spaces. All lowercaseEN MINUSCULES.”

---

Vocabulary

Bartender: a person who serves drinks in a bar.

Password: a secret word or phrase used to gain access.

Lowercase: written using small letters, not capitals (uppercase).

Grammar

The joke mainly uses present simple for dialogue and narrative clarity.

Present simple: The man asks for the Wi-Fi password.

Direct speech: “You need to buy a drink first.”

Imperative: “No spaces. All lowercase.”

Synonyms & Alternatives

Bartender: barman, bar staff.

Password: passcode, access key.

Lowercase: small letters, non-capital letters.

Mini Dialogue

Man: What’s the Wi-Fi passwordMOT DE PASSE?

Bartender: You need to buy a drink first.

Man: Fine… how much is it?

Bartender: Two euros. The password's all lowercaseEN MINUSCULES.

---

© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

💡 Get fresh ESL jokes straight to your inbox:

🌱 If you enjoy this blog, consider buying me a coffee.