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18 January 2026

bar bets

Learn English With Jokes
Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer.

A man walks into a bar.

He goes up to the bartender and asks if he likes to gambleJOUER ↔ PARIER.

The bartender says, "Sure, I’ll take a bet. What’s your wagerMISE ↔ PARI?"

The man offers a €50 betPARI DE 50 € that he can bite his own eyeballMORDRE SON PROPRE ŒIL. The bartender, thinking it’s easy money, accepts, and is shocked when the man removes his glass eyeŒIL EN VERRE and bites down on it.

Laughing, the man notices the bartender is upsetBOULEVERSÉ ↔ FURIEUX about losing his money, so he offers him a chance to win it backRÉCUPÉRER SON ARGENT. "Double or nothingPARI DOUBLE OU RIEN: I bet I can bite my other eye."

The bartender thinks it overRÉFLÉCHIT. He knows he was tricked out of €5050 €, but he also knows this man can’t possibly have two glass eyes, so he pulls another €5050 € from the till and accepts the bet.

The man promptlyIMMÉDIATEMENT takes out his false teethFAUX DENTS and gently closes them around his other eye.

Now the bartender is visibly angry about losing €100100 €, and the man’s laughter isn’t helping. Just before he throws him outLE FAIT SORTIR, the man raises his hand.

"Really sorry about that, palMON AMI ↔ POTE. I pull that stunt all the time, but you’ve been a good sportBEAU JOUEUR ↔ UN BON PARTICIPANT, so I’ll give you another chance to win some cash. I’ve got €500500 € that says if you slide a shot glassFAIRE GLISSER UN VERRE À SHOT down the bar, I can run alongside itLE LONG DU VERRE ↔ À CÔTÉ DU VERRE and urinateURINER into the glass without missing a dropSANS MANQUER UNE GOUTTE. It’s tricky, so I get two attempts."

The bartender, eagerIMPATIENT ↔ DÉSIREUX to win back his money, thinks about how difficult this would be—especially with only one eye to line up the shot—and willinglyVOLONTAIREMENT | SANS HÉSITATION accepts the bet.

The man drops his trousersPANTALON. When the bartender puts the shot glass on the counter, the man shouts, "Go!" prompting the bartender to slide it along the bar.

The man chases after itPOURSUIVIT, aiming carefully. However, urinating while runningURINER EN COURANT isn’t easy, so only a few drops land in the glass by the time it reaches the other end.

Catching his breathREPRENDANT SON SOUFFLE, the man reminds the bartender he has a second attempt. "The first was just to get his bearings," he says. Once again, he shouts, "Go!" giving the bartender the cue.

Again, the man chases wildly, spraying urineÉPARPILLANT DE L’URINE all over the bar, stoolsTABOURETS, floor, and even hitting bottles behind the counter. Not a single drop finds its way into the shot glass.

Head hanging low, he hands the bartender 500 €. The bartender gleefully accepts, jumping up and down in joy at the cash he has just won.

Suddenly, a man at the back of the bar slams his fist on his tableFRAPPE SON POING SUR LA TABLE and screams, "Bloody hellMINCE ! ↔ DIABLE !"

The bartender muttersMURMURE ↔ GROMMELLE at the 'urinator': "What's the problem with that guy?"

The man replies, "Oh, I just bet that guy 10 000 € I could piss all over your barURINER PARTOUT DANS TON BAR, and you’d jump up and down with joyVOUS SAUTERIEZ DE JOIE."


Vocabulary
Wager: Mise, Pari
Glass eye: Œil en verre
False teeth: Faux dents
Urinate: Uriner, faire pipi
Get his bearings: S’orienter, prendre ses repères
Grammar
Past simple: The bartender accepted the bet.
Direct speech: “Really sorry about that, pal,” he said.
Present participle: “Chasing after it, the man aimed carefully.”
Synonyms & Alternatives
Wager: Bet, stake, gamble
Urinate: Pee, piss, micturate
Chasing: Running after, pursuing, following
Gleefully: Joyfully, happily, delightedly
Mini Dialogue
Man: Double or nothing: I bet I can bite my other eye.
Bartender: Are you serious? You only have one glass eye!
Man: Really sorry, pal. Here’s another challenge for €500500 €.
Bartender: Fine, I accept the bet!


© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

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17 January 2026

the password

Learn English With Jokes
Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer.

A man goes into an airport bar and asks the bartenderBARMAN for the Wi-Fi passwordMOT DE PASSE.

The bartenderBARMAN replies, “You first need toIL FAUT D’ABORD buy a drink.”

“Okay,” the man says. “I’ll have a Coke.”

“Is Pepsi okay?” the bartender asks.

“Sure.”

How much is thatÇA FAIT COMBIEN ?

“Two euros.”

The man pays.

“So, what’s the Wi-Fi passwordMOT DE PASSE?” he asks.

The bartender answers, “It’s… 'you-first-need-to-buy-a-drink'. No spaces. All lowercaseEN MINUSCULES.”


Vocabulary
Bartender: a person who serves drinks in a bar.
Password: a secret word or phrase used to gain access.
Lowercase: written using small letters, not capitals (uppercase).
Grammar
The joke mainly uses present simple for dialogue and narrative clarity.
Present simple: The man asks for the Wi-Fi password.
Direct speech:You need to buy a drink first.”
Imperative: “No spaces. All lowercase.”
Synonyms & Alternatives
Bartender: barman, bar staff.
Password: passcode, access key.
Lowercase: small letters, non-capital letters.
Mini Dialogue
Man: What’s the Wi-Fi passwordMOT DE PASSE?
Bartender: You need to buy a drink first.
Man: Fine… how much is it?
Bartender: Two euros. The password's all lowercaseEN MINUSCULES.


© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

🌱 If you enjoy this blog, consider buying me a coffee.

16 January 2026

roasting trump

Learn English With Jokes
Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer.

Une compilation d’attaques humoristiques célèbres de l’époque des primaires et de la campagne 2016. Ton satirique, parfois provocateur — idéal pour étudier le registre informel, l’ironie et le vocabulaire politique en anglais.

Chris Rock: “(Donald Trump) might winPOURRAIT GAGNER. He’s got enough ex-wives to vote for him.”

Jimmy Kimmel: “The closest Trump ever got to battle was his fight with Rosie O’Donnell.”

Marco Rubio: “Donald Trump likes to suePOURSUIVRE EN JUSTICE people. He should suePOURSUIVRE EN JUSTICE whoeverQUICONQUE ↔ CELUI QUI did that to his face.”

Marco Rubio: “A guy with the worst spray tanLE BRONZAGE AU SPRAY LE PLUS MOCHE in America is attacking me for putting on makeupMAQUILLAGE.”

Jay Leno: “The good news? President Obama was born in America. The bad news? so was TrumpTRUMP AUSSI).”

Stephen Colbert: “I do think Donald Trump is honest in his own wayÀ SA FAÇON ↔ D'UNE CERTAINE MANIÈRE. He is honestly an egomaniacalÉGOMANE ↔ MÉGALOMANE billionaire.”

John Oliver: “Miss USA, for example, is owned by Donald Trump — a clown made of mummified foreskinPRÉPUCE MOMIFIÉ and cotton candyBARBE À PAPA.”

Mitt Romney: “Donald Trump has had several foreignÉTRANGÈRES wives. It turns out thatIL S'AVÈRE QUE ↔ ON DIRAIT QUE there really are jobs Americans won’t doNE VEULENT PAS FAIRE.”

Albert Brooks: “Donald Trump announces this morning that he will run for presidentSE PRÉSENTER À LA PRÉSIDENCE. His hair will announce on Friday.”

Jimmy Kimmel: “If Donald Trump wins, my guess isJE PARIE QUE ↔ À MON AVIS America will look a lot like it did in ‘Back to the Future 2,’ when Biff was in chargeAU POUVOIR ↔ AUX COMMANDES.”


🔍 Vocabulary
Focus sur les expressions clés récurrentes dans ces roasts politiques :
Sue = poursuivre en justice / intenter un procès
In his own way = à sa manière / d'une certaine façon (souvent ironique)
It turns out that = il s'avère que / en fait
Run for president = se présenter à la présidence
In charge = au pouvoir / aux commandes
My guess is = je parie que / à mon avis (prédiction informelle)
Autres mots marquants : spray tan (bronzage artificiel), makeup (maquillage), egomaniacal (égomane/mégalomaniaque), foreign (étranger/étrangère).
  • He likes to sue anyone who criticizes him.
  • She's successful in her own way.
  • It turns out that he was right all along.
  • She plans to run for president next year.
📘 Grammar
Ces blagues utilisent souvent :
- Le modal might pour exprimer une possibilité ironique ("might win").
- Le future simple "will" pour des prédictions moqueuses ("His hair will announce", "America will look").
- Structures comparatives et ironiques ("the worst…", "the closest… ever").
- Inversion sarcastique ("so was Donald Trump") pour tourner en dérision.
- Discours direct et informel, avec beaucoup d’hyperbole et de punchlines courtes.
Le ton repose sur l’ironie, l’exagération et des références culturelles (Back to the Future, birther controversy).
  • He might win if his ex-wives vote for him.
  • My guess is things will get worse.
  • The closest he ever got to danger was an argument.
  • So was his opponent — born right here.
🔄 Synonyms & Alternatives
Might win: could win, may win, has a shot at winning
Sue: take to court, file a lawsuit against
In his own way: in his fashion, after his fashion, uniquely
It turns out that: apparently, as it happens, funnily enough
Run for president: campaign for president, stand for president (UK), seek the presidency
In charge: running the show, calling the shots, holding power
💬 Mini Dialogue (exemple inspiré du style roast)
Friend 1: My guess is that guy might win the election.
Friend 2: Really? He should sue whoever did that to his face first!
Friend 1: Haha, and he's honest in his own way… an egomaniacal way.
Friend 2: It turns out there are jobs even he won’t do — like admitting he's wrong.
Friend 1: If he gets in charge, it'll look like a bad movie sequel.


© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

🌱 If you enjoy this blog, consider buying me a coffee.

15 January 2026

getting hired

Learn English With Jokes
Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer.

So, a job interviewerINTERVIEWEUR asked the candidate, "How do explain this four-year gapÉCART on your résuméCV?"

The intervieweeCANDIDAT replied, "That's because I went to Yale."

The interviewer exclaimed, "Oh, that's impressive! You are hired!VOUS ÊTES EMBAUCHÉ !"

The intervieweeCANDIDAT responded, "Thanks! I really needed this yob."


🔍 Vocabulary
In this joke, let's look at gap, résumé, and hired.
Gap refers to an empty or missing period, often in employment or education history.
Résumé is a document summarising a person's education, work experience, and skills.
Hired means officially offered a job or position.
  • There was a gap in her employment history due to travel.
  • She updated her résumé before applying for the job.
  • He was hired after a successful interview.
📘 Grammar
This joke uses the past simple tense for actions like "asked," "replied," and "exclaimed." It also employs direct speech to capture the dialogue between the interviewer and interviewee. The word "yob" is a deliberate mispronunciation for humour, mimicking the sound of "job."
  • The interviewer asked about the candidate's experience.
  • "I went to Yale," the interviewee replied.
  • The interviewer exclaimed, "You're hired!"
🔄 Synonyms & Alternatives
Gap: break, hiatus
Résumé: CV, curriculum vitae
Hired: employed, recruited
💬 Mini Dialogue
Manager: I noticed a three-year gap on your CV. Can you explain it?
Candidate: I took time off to study at a prestigious university.
Manager: That's impressive! You're hired for the role.
Candidate: Thank you! I'm excited to start this job.
Manager: Great, welcome to the team!




© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

If you enjoy this blog, consider buying me a coffee.

a guy and the librarian

Learn English With Jokes
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A man walks into a librarybibliothèque and asks the librarianbibliothécaire, “Do you have any books on paranoia?” The librarian whisperschuchote, “They’re right behind you…”

The man laughs nervously, checks over his shoulderregarde par-dessus son épaule, and says, “Okay, good one. Actuallyen fait ↔ en réalité, I’m looking for books on how to deal with delusions of grandeurdélire de grandeur.”

The librarianbibliothécaire nodshoche la tête and says, “Yes, Your HighnessVotre Altesse, we keep those in the royal section on the third floortroisième étage, next to the thronetrône.”

The man chucklesricane and says, “Never mindlaissez tomber, I’ll come back later. Right now I need a book on overcomingsurmonter procrastination.”

The librarian looks him dead in the eyedroit dans les yeux and says, “It’ll be ready tomorrow.”

Frustrated, he says, “Fine. Just give me something on eternal happiness.” So she hands him a mirrorElle lui tend un miroir.

He looks in it, frownsfronce les sourcils, and says, “This is broken.” She replies, “Sir, that’s not a book, that’s the self-help sectionrayon développement personnel.”

At this point he’s completely fed upen a marre ↔ excédé. He slams his fist on the countertape du poing sur le comptoir and shouts, “I want to speak to the manager!”

The librarian leans inse penche vers lui calmly and says, “Sir… I am the manager. I’m also the only employee, the security guard and, because of budget cutsréductions budgétaires, technically I’m you as well. You’ve been talking to yourself for fifteen minutes. Your library card expired in 2017 and you still owedevez £4.90 in late feesfrais de retard for a copy of ‘How to Make Friends and Influence Librarians.’”

The man blinkscligne des yeux, slowly backs awayrecule, and whispersmurmure, “This is why I only use the internet.”

The librarian smiles sweetly and says, “That’ll be £4.90, please. Cash only. The Wi-Fi’s been watching you too.”


Vocabulary
delusions of grandeur: believing one is more important than one really is
budget cuts: reductions in available money
late fees: charges for returning something after the due date
He suffers from delusions of grandeurdélire de grandeur and thinks he’s royalty.
The council made severe budget cutsréductions budgétaires this year.
I still owedevoir £12 in late feesfrais de retard at the library.
Grammar
The joke mixes direct speech (exact words in quotation marks) and narrative past tense.
Direct speech: “They’re right behind you…” whisperschuchote the librarian.
Past continuous for longer actions: “You’ve been talking to yourself…” (= you started in the past and it’s still relevant).
Present perfect for unfinished actions: “Your card has expireda expiré” / “you still owedevez encore £4.90”.
Synonyms & Alternatives
delusions of grandeur: megalomania, inflated ego
budget cuts: spending reductions, cost-saving measures
late fees: overdue charges, lateness fines
Mini Dialogue
Customer: I’d like to return this book, please.
Librarian: It was due three months ago. You owedevez £18 in late feesfrais de retard.
Customer: £18?! That’s ridiculous!
Librarian: Don’t worry, sir. Because of budget cutsréductions budgétaires we’re very understanding… you can pay in instalments over the next ten years.


© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

If you enjoy this blog, consider buying me a coffee.

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