Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer.
A class of students is taking a difficult exampasse un examen difficile. The teacher says, “Time’s upLe temps est écoulé. I want you to stop writing and hand in your tests.”
All the students stop — except one guygars ↔ type. He keeps on writingcontinue d’écrire. The teacher warns himle met en garde, “Stop now, or I won’t accept your paper!” But the student carries on writing for another ten minutes.
Finally he stands up and walks to the teacher.
The teacher says, “No. You finished late. I will not take your test.”
The student looks at him and asks, “Do you know who I am?Savez-vous qui je suis ?”
The teacher replies, “No, I don’t.”
The student smilessourit, walks over to the huge pile of testspile d’examens, slips his own paper right in the middleau milieu, mixesmélange them all up, turns to the teacher and says, “Good!” before leaving the roomquitter la salle.
Vocabulary
guy — bloke, lad, chap, fellow
time's up — the allowed time has finished
pile of tests — large stack of exam papers
mixes (them) up — shuffles, jumbles, stirs together
Grammar
• Present continuous for actions happening at the moment of the story: “is taking”, “keeps on writing”, “is warning”.
• Direct speech punctuation (British style): full stop inside quotation marks only when it belongs to the spoken sentence.
Synonyms & Alternatives
keeps on writing → carries on writing, continues writing
warns him → tells him off, threatens him
mixes → shuffles, jumbles
Mini Dialogue
Teacher: Time's up! Pens down!
Student: Just one more minute, sir!
Teacher: No! Hand it in now or you get noughtzéro.
Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer.
At a medical convention, a male doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each otherse jettent des regards. The male doctor asks her to dinner and she accepts.
As they sit down at the restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her hands.
After dinner, one thing leads to anotherune chose en entraîne une autre and they end up in her hotel bedroom.
Just as things are getting hotcommencent à chauffer, the female doctor interrupts and says she has to go and wash her hands again. When she returns, they get back to itils s’y remettent. Afterwards, she gets up once more and says she is going to wash her hands.
As she comes back, the male doctor says, “I bet
je parie que you’re a surgeonune chirurgienne.”
She confirms and asks how he knew.
“Easy,” he replies. “You’re always washing your hands.”
She then says, "I bet
je parie que you're an anaesthetist."
“Wow, how did you guess
deviner?” he asks.
The female doctor smiles and says, “Because I didn’t feel a thingje n'ai rien senti.”
Vocabulary
eyeing each other: looking at each other with romantic/sexual interest
one thing leads to another: events progress naturally (here, to sex)
anaesthetist: doctor who puts patients to sleep before surgery (BrE spelling)
surgeon: doctor who performs operations
Grammar
The joke uses the present simple for narration (“she excuses”, “they end up”) – common in spoken jokes for immediacy.
Reported → direct speech shift at the end for comic timing: She then says, “I bet you’re…”
“Going to” for immediate future intentions: “I’m going to wash my hands.”
Synonyms & Alternatives
eyeing each other: checking each other out, giving each other the eye
one thing leads to another: things escalate, events take their course
anaesthetist: anaesthesiologist (AmE), gas man (informal)
Mini Dialogue
Wife: Why are you home so early from the conference?
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A blokemec, gars walks into a convenience storeune supérette, un magasin de proximité and picks upprend a single-servingportion individuelle drink, a single-serving ready meal, a single-serving toothpastedentifrice, a single-serving dessert – basically a single-servingportion individuelle everything.
When he gets to the tillcaisse with it all, the lady at the counter says, “Let me guessdeviner, you’re singlecélibataire, aren’t you?
The bloke replies, “Yeah, how'd you knowcomment le savez-vous ??”
And she says, “Because you're ugly as fuckt’as une tronche de cul.”
Vocabulary
bloke: (British) a man, a guy, a chap
convenience store: small local shop open long hours (supérette), corner shop
till: (British) cash register, checkout
single-serving: packaged for one person only
The blokemec at the bar bought everyone a round.
I just nipped intowent quickly into; stopped briefly the convenience storesupérette for milk.
Grammar
• Use of narrative present tense for jokes (“walks into”, “says”, “replies”)—very common in British English joke-telling.
• Tag question: “you’re single, aren’t you?” (expecting agreement)
• Informal contraction: “how’d you know??” instead of the very formal “how did you know?”
Synonyms & Alternatives
bloke: guy, chap, lad, fella
convenience store: corner shop, local shop, off-licence
till: counter, checkout, cash desk
Mini Dialogue
Shop assistant: That’ll be £12.40, love.
Customer: Twelve quid for a single yogurt and a toothbrush?
Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer.
A man must driveCONDUIRE for several days to reach his new home. After a long and tiringFATIGANT journey throughoutTOUT AU LONG DE the night, he decides to pull overSE GARER on the roadside to take a napFAIRE UNE SIESTE.
A man knocks on the car’s window, waking the driver. He asks what time it is. The driver checks his watch and replies, “It’s 8 AM,” then goesRETOURNE back to sleep. After a whileAU BOUT D’UN MOMENT, another man knocks, again waking the driver, and asks the same question. The driver responds, “It’s 8:05 AM,” and returns to sleep.
Sure enoughCOMME PRÉVU, another man soon knocks, asking the time. Now annoyedAGACÉ, the driver snaps, “It’s 8:07 AM.” He writes “I don’t know what time it is!” in bold lettersLETTRES GRASSES on a paper, sticks itLE COLLE to the window, and goes back to sleep.
The driver is wokenRÉVEILLÉ again by a knock. The man outside says, “It’s 8:10 AM, you’re welcomeDE RIEN!”
🔍 Vocabulary
In this joke, let’s examine pull over, take a nap, annoyed, and you’re welcome.
Pull over: to move a vehicle to the side of the road and stop.
Take a nap: to have a short sleep, usually during the day.
Annoyed: feeling irritated or slightly angry.
You’re welcome: a polite response to someone thanking you, or used humorously here to acknowledge help.
The lorry driver had to pull overSE GARER for a break.
I like to take a napFAIRE UNE SIESTE after lunch.
She was annoyedAGACÉE by the constant interruptions.
“Thanks for the help!” “You’re welcomeDE RIEN!”
📘 Grammar
This joke uses direct speech to capture the driver’s conversations with passersby.
It also employs the past continuous tense (e.g., “is woken”) to describe ongoing or repeated actions in the past.
“What time is it?” he asked. (direct speech)
She was being wokenRÉVEILLÉE by the noise every morning. (past continuous tense)
🔄 Synonyms & Alternatives
Pull over: stop, park
Take a nap: doze, rest
You’re welcome: my pleasure, no problem
💬 Mini Dialogue
Transport Manager: I’m annoyedAGACÉ—drivers keep forgetting to pull overSE GARER for breaks.
Driver: I did take a napFAIRE UNE SIESTE by the roadside, but someone kept asking the time!
Transport Manager: Well, next time, put up a sign!
Driver: I did, and they still told me the time—you’re welcomeDE RIEN!
Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer.
A man walks into a librarybibliothèque and asks the librarianbibliothécaire, “Do you have any books on paranoia?” And the librarian whisperschuchote, “They’re right behind you…”
The man laughs nervously, checks over his shoulderregarde par-dessus son épaule, and says, “Okay, good one. Actuallyen fait ↔ en réalité, I’m looking for books on how to deal with delusions of grandeurdélire de grandeur.”
The librarianbibliothécairenodshoche la tête and says, “Yes, Your HighnessVotre Altesse, we keep those in the royal section on the third floortroisième étage, next to the thronetrône.”
The man chucklesricane and says, “Never mindlaissez tomber, I’ll come back later. Right now I need a book on overcomingsurmonter procrastination.”
The librarian looks him dead in the eyedroit dans les yeux and says, “It’ll be ready tomorrow.”
Frustrated, he says, “Fine. Just give me something on eternal happiness.” So she hands him a mirrorElle lui tend un miroir.
He looks in it, frownsfronce les sourcils, and says, “This is broken.” She replies, “Sir, that’s not a book, that’s the self-help sectionrayon développement personnel.”
At this point he’s completely fed upen a marre ↔ excédé. He slams his fist on the countertape du poing sur le comptoir and shouts, “I want to speak to the manager!”
The librarian leans inse penche vers lui calmly and says, “Sir… I am the manager. I’m also the only employee, the security guard and, because of budget cutsréductions budgétaires, technically I’m you as well. You’ve been talking to yourself for fifteen minutes. Your library card expired in 2017 and you still owedevez £4.90 in late feesfrais de retard for a copy of ‘How to Make Friends and Influence Librarians.’”
The man blinkscligne des yeux, slowly backs awayrecule, and whispersmurmure, “This is why I only use the internet.”
The librarian smiles sweetly and says, “That’ll be £4.90, please. Cash only. The Wi-Fi’s been watching you too.”
Vocabulary
delusions of grandeur: believing one is more important than one really is
budget cuts: reductions in available money
late fees: charges for returning something after the due date
He suffers from delusions of grandeurdélire de grandeur and thinks he’s royalty.
The council made severe budget cutsréductions budgétaires this year.
I still owedevoir £12 in late feesfrais de retard at the library.
Grammar
The joke mixes direct speech (exact words in quotation marks) and narrative past tense.
Direct speech: “They’re right behind you…” whisperschuchote the librarian.
Past continuous for longer actions: “You’ve been talking to yourself…” (= you started in the past and it’s still relevant).
Present perfect for unfinished actions: “Your card has expireda expiré” / “you still owedevez encore £4.90”.
Librarian: It was due three months ago. You owedevez £18 in late feesfrais de retard.
Customer: £18?! That’s ridiculous!
Librarian: Don’t worry, sir. Because of budget cutsréductions budgétaires we’re very understanding… you can pay in instalments over the next ten years.
