sibling forenames

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A boy asksdemande his father one day, “Dad, why is my sister called Paris?”

His dad repliesrépond, “Because she was conceivedconçue in Paris.”

The boy says, “Ah, that makes sense. Thanks, Dad.”

His dad says, “You’re welcomeDe rien / Je t’en prie, BackseatBanquette arrière.”

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Vocabulary

conceived: (of a child) created at the moment the sperm meets the egg; became pregnant with

backseat: the rear seat of a car (especially where teenagers sometimes have sex)

Their daughter was conceivedconçue during a romantic weekend in Paris.

They named their son “oops” baby BackseatBanquette arrière because that’s exactly where it happened!

Grammar

The joke uses the past simple passive (“was conceived”) and indirect/reported questions.

Past simple passive: She was conceived in Paris. (= someone conceived her there)

Reported question: He asked why his sister was called Paris. (no inversion, no question mark)

Synonyms & Alternatives

conceived: got pregnant with, made, created

backseat: rear seat, back of the car

You’re welcome: No problem, Not at all, My pleasure

Mini Dialogue

Lucy: Why is your brother called Brooklyn?

Tom: He was conceived in New York.

Lucy: Oh, cool! Thanks for explaining.

Tom: You’re welcome, Sofa.

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at the morgue

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Three new corpsescadavres were delivered to the morgue one day, and each of them had a smile on their face.

The morticianembaumeur examined the first body and said, “First body: Frenchman, aged sixty. He died while making loveen plein ébat amoureux to his mistress — henced’où the smile.”

He moved on to the second. “Second body: Irishman, aged thirty. He won a thousand euros in the lottery, spent it alla tout dépensé on whisky and died of alcohol poisoning — henced’où the smile.”

The inspector then asked, “What about the thirdEt le troisième body?”

The morticianembaumeur replied, “Ah — this is perhaps the most interesting of all. This is Justin, aged twenty-five, a conspiracy-obsessed flat-eartherquelqu’un qui croit fermement que la Terre est plate. He was struck by lightningfoudroyé.”

“Why’s he smiling, then?” asked the inspector.

“He thought he was getting his picture takenpensant qu’on le prenait en photo,” the mortician said.

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Vocabulary

corpses: deceased bodies — cadavres

mortician: funeral professional — embaumeur / thanatopracteur

He handled the corpsescadavres with care.

The morticianembaumeur answered the inspector’s question.

That guyle type / le gars looked surprised.

I waited tilljusqu’à the rain stopped.

Don’t forget the toothpastele dentifrice.

Grammar

The joke relies mainly on the past simple for completed actions and the past continuous when setting an ongoing scene.

Past continuous: “He died while making loveen plein ébat amoureux” — an action in progress when another event occurred.

Past simple: “He was struck by lightningfoudroyé.”

Question tags & direct speech: direct questions keep the comic timing — “Why’s he smiling, then?”

Synonyms & Alternatives

corpses: bodies, remains

mortician: undertaker, funeral director

conspiracy-obsessed flat-earther: flat-Earth believer, staunch flat-Earth supporter

Mini Dialogue

Inspector: Who is the first body?

Mortician: A Frenchman — died while making love.

Inspector: And the third?

Mortician: Justin — he was struck by lightning; he thought he was getting his picture taken.

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hanging pictures

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Little Johnny came downstairsest descendu crying. His mother saw his tearslarmes and became worried.

“What’s the matterqu’est-ce qu’il y a, Johnny?” she asked.

Johnny tried to stop crying. “Dad was hanging picturesaccrochait des photos, and he hit his thumbpouce with the hammermarteau!”

His mother felt toucheda été émue that Johnny cared so much, but she didn’t like seeing him cry.

“That’s not so serious,” she said softlydit-elle doucement. “I know you feel upsetbouleversé, but a big boy like you shouldn’t cryne devrait pas pleurer about something like that. It’s something people usually laughrire about.”

Johnny wiped his eyess’est essuyé les yeux and said, “I did laughai ri!”

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Vocabulary

came downstairs: walked down to the lower floor

hanging pictures: putting pictures on a wall

wiped his eyes: cleaned away tears

Grammar

Past continuous: Dad was hanging pictures.

Direct speech: “What’s the matter, Johnny?”

Synonyms & Alternatives

cry: weep, sob

upset: troubled, distressed

Mini Dialogue

A: Are you all right?

B: Yes, I just hit my thumb.

A: Oh dear, does it hurt?

B: Only a little—I even laughed!

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© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braaivleis, or even a bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

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red-light district street

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A short guy was walking in a hookers' streetRUE DES PROSTITUÉES. Everybody could see he was very shyTIMIDE. He saw a nice-looking hookerPROSTITUÉE sitting on a stoolUN TABOURET, so he stopped and looked at her with interest.

She noticed his lack of confidenceMANQUE DE CONFIANCE, obviously because he was too shortPETIT, so she told him, “Don’t worry, mine fits all sizesLE MIEN CONVIENT À TOUTES LES TAILLES.”

So the guyGARS smiled and asked her, “How much?COMBIEN ?” She replied, “For you it'll be €90.” So he gave her the money, took the stoolPRIT LE TABOURET, and left.

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Vocabulary

hookers' street: an area where prostitutes work

a stool: a simple seat without a backrest

lack of confidence: insecurity or self-doubt

mine fits all sizes: humorous phrase suggesting inclusivity or adaptability

He walked nervously along the hookers' streetPUIS-JE DEMANDER.

She sat on a stoolPUIS-JE DEMANDER outside the bar.

His lack of confidencePUIS-JE DEMANDER made him stutter.

Grammar

The joke uses the past simple tense and direct speech.

Past simple: He saw a nice-looking hooker.

Direct speech: She told him, “Don’t worry, mine fits all sizes.”

Synonyms & Alternatives

Shy: timid, bashful, reserved

Short: small, petite, little

Hooker: prostitute, sex worker, escort

Mini Dialogue

Colin (HR): We need to hire someone taller for the front desk.

Sandra (Manager): Height isn’t everything; confidence matters too!

Colin: True, but ours needs to fit all sizesPUIS-JE DEMANDER of clients!

Sandra: Then let’s make sure no one has a lack of confidencePUIS-JE DEMANDER in their role.

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© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braaivleis, or even a bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

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at the dentist's

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I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointmentrendez-vous with a new dentist. I noticed her DMD diplomadiplôme de dentiste on the wall, which displayed her full name. Suddenly I remembered a tall, sexy, dark-haired girlfille with the same name who’d beenqui avait été in my high schoollycée class some 30-odd years agoenviron 30 ans plus tôt. Could this be the same galfille I’d had a secret, burning crushcoup de cœur on back then?

When she came in, howevercependant, I quickly discardedabandonnai any such thought. This grey-hairedaux cheveux gris woman with sagging breastsseins qui tombent was far too old to have been my classmatecamarade de classe.

After she examined my teeth, I asked if she had attendedfréquenté Maryville High School.

“As a matter of factEn effet… yes, I did. I'm a Red Rebel,” she said, gleaming with priderayonnante de fierté.

“When did you graduateobtenir ton diplôme?” I asked.

“In 1979. Why do you ask?”

“You were in my class!” I exclaimedm'écriai-je.

She looked at me closely. Then that ageingvieillissante, old, wrinkle-facedcouverte de rides, grey-haired, decrepit woman with sagging boobsnénés qui tombent asked, “What did you teach?”

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Vocabulary

DMD diploma: Doctor of Dental Medicine degree

crush: strong romantic attraction (colloquial)

gleaming with pride: shining ↔ beaming because of pride

sagging breasts ↔ sagging boobs: breasts that have lost firmness (due to age)

I have an appointmentrendez-vous with the dentist tomorrow.

He had a huge crushcoup de cœur on her in secondary school.

She was gleaming with priderayonnante de fierté when her son graduated.

Grammar

1. Past perfect for earlier past events: “who’d ↔ who had been in my class”, “I’d had ↔ I had had a secret crush”.
2. Reported questions (no inversion, no question mark): “I asked if she had attended…”, “Why do you ask?” → indirect: She asked why I asked.
3. Exclamations: “You were in my class!” I exclaimed.

By the time I arrived, the film had already started.

He asked me where I had been the night before.

Synonyms & Alternatives

crush: infatuation, puppy love, a thing for someone

grey-haired: silver-haired, white hair

sagging breasts: drooping bosom, pendulous breasts

Mini Dialogue

Patient: You look familiar. Were we at university together?

Dentist: Possibly. When did you graduate?

Patient: 1998!

Dentist: Oh… and what subject did you teach?

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© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

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