two morons

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Two morons abrutis are watching regardent a video clip of Taylor Swift on MTV.

The first one says, “Do you think penses-tu Taylor is her real forename?”

The other one thinks for a minute, then replies répond , “You’re asking me if I think Taylor is the real name of who qui ?”

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Vocabulary 🔍

moron: foolish person

watch: look at something moving

forename: given name

He called them morons abrutis after the meeting.

They were watching regardent the match together.

Her real forename prénom is Elizabeth.

Grammar 📘

The joke uses direct speech and present continuous to describe an action in progress.

Direct speech: He said, “Do you think...?”

Present continuous: They are watching regardent a video.

Synonyms & Alternatives 🔄

moron: idiot, fool

watch: observe, look at

reply: answer, respond

Mini Dialogue 💬

Alex: Are you watching that interview?

Maya: Yes, I think it's hilarious.

Alex: Do you know his real forename?

Maya: No idea—who are you talking about?

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© — This blog collects and shares light‑hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it’s really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

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coffee and prophecy

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A man walks into a tiny, dim-litfaiblement éclairé coffee shop and sits at the countercomptoir. The baristaserveur de café, a dead-panimpassible guy with a tattoo of a coffee bean on his forearmavant-bras, asks, “What can I get youQue puis-je vous servir?”

The man sighssoupire, “I’m on a deadlinedate limite. I need something that’ll wake me up, keep me focused, and maybe… give me a glimpseun aperçu of the future.”

The barista nodsacquiesce, pulls out an espresso, and says, “One double-shotdouble espresso, extra-hot, with a side ofaccompagné de prophecy, coming right up.” He slides the cup across, and the man takes a sipune gorgée.

Suddenly, his eyes widens’écarquillent. “Whoa! I just saw… I saw myself winning the sweepstakesloterie!” he exclaims. The barista raises an eyebrowlève un sourcil. “Cool. That’ll be €4.85.” The man fumbles for his walletfarfouille dans son portefeuille, pulls out a crumpledfroissé ticket, and holds it up.

“Look! I bought a sweepstakesloterie ticket yesterday, and the numbers match!”

The barista smiles, reaches under the counter, and pulls out a tiny, antique clock. He winds itle remonte, sets the hands to 8:15, and says, “That’s the time the the sweepstakes drawingle tirage de la loterie is at. You’ve just bought a ticket for the next drawtirage… which is tomorrow.”

The man’s face falls. “So… I haven’t won yet?”

The barista shrugshausse les épaules. “You’ll find out tomorrow… or you won’t. Either wayDans tous les cas, you still owe me €4.85.”

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Vocabulary

barista: person who prepares and serves coffee in a coffee shop

deadline: a time by which something must be finished

sweepstakes: a type of lottery or prize draw

The baristaserveur de café made me a perfect flat white.

I’m on a tight deadlinedate limite for this report.

She won £10,000 in a magazine sweepstakesloterie.

Grammar

The joke uses the present simple to narrate the story (narrative present) and direct speech with British punctuation rules.

Narrative present: The man sighs, “I’m on a deadline.”

Direct speech example: “Either wayDans tous les cas, you still owe me €4.85.”

Future with “will”: You’ll find out tomorrow…

Synonyms & Alternatives

barista: coffee server, barman (in a café)

deadline: due date, time limit

sweepstakes: lottery, prize draw, raffle

Mini Dialogue

Customer: This coffee let me see the future!

Barista: Brilliant. That’ll be £4.20, please.

Customer: But I’m going to win the lottery tomorrow!

Barista: Great. Pay me tomorrow then… or today. Either way, cash or card?

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© — This blog collects and shares light‑hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it’s really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

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soccer and yatching

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A man joins a soccerfootball team and his new team-matescoéquipiers inform him, “At your first team dinner as the new guy, you will have totu devras give us a talk about sex.”

The evening arrives and he gives a detailed, humorous account of his sex life.

When he got home, his wife asked how the evening went and not wanting to liene voulant pas mentir, but also not wanting to explain exactly what happened, he said, “Oh, I had to make a talk about yachtingla voile.”

His wife thought this a little peculiarun peu étrange but said nothing more and went to sleep.

The next day she bumped intoelle est tombée sur one of his new team-mates at the supermarket and asked, “I heard my husband had to make a speech last night. How did it go?Comment ça s'est passé ?”

His mate said smiling, ‘Oh, it was excellent! Your husband is clearly very experienced!’

The wife looked confused and replied to his mate, “Strange, he has only done it twice and the second time he was sick.”

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Vocabulary

Soccer team: group playing football

Team-mates: fellow players

Yachting: sailing for pleasure

Peculiar: slightly strange

Grammar

The joke uses reported speech and past simple to recount events.

Reported speech: “I had to make a talk about yachting,” he said → He said he had to make a talk about yachting.

Past simple: “She bumped into him” → describes a completed action.

Synonyms & Alternatives

Soccer: football, footie

Team-mates: colleagues, squad members

Yachting: sailing, boating

Mini Dialogue

Wife: Did you enjoy the dinner?

Husband: It was… different.

Wife: How did it go?

Husband: Let’s just say I talked about sailing.

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© — This blog collects and shares light‑hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it’s really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

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the secretary and the phone

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The boss didn't know what to do with his new secretary. She ignored the telephone when it rangsonnait.

"You must answer the telephone," the boss told her several times.

"Alrightd'accord," she repliedrépondit, "but it seems sillyidiot | con to answer it. Nine times out offois sur ten, it's for you!"

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Vocabulary

rang: the past tense of “to ring” (meaning the telephone made a sound)

silly: foolish, not sensible

times out of ten: an expression meaning how frequently something happens

The telephone rangsonnait all afternoon.

It’s sillyidiot | con to argue over something so small.

Nine times out offois sur ten, she’s right.

Grammar

The joke features modal verbs to give instructions, and direct speech typical of workplace conversation (British spelling and style).

Modal verb for obligation: You must answer the telephone.

Direct speech: "Alrightd'accord," she repliedrépondit.

Frequency expression: Nine times out of ten, it’s for you.

Synonyms & Alternatives

rang: called, went off

silly: foolish, senseless

times out of ten: usually, most of the time

Mini Dialogue

Alice (Boss): Did you answer the phone?

Mary (Secretary): No, it rang for ages.

Alice: You mustn’t ignore office calls.

Mary: Nine times out of ten, it’s not for me, anyway!

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© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

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watson and holmes camping

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Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping partir en camping . They pitched their tent ont monté leur tente under the stars and went to sleep.

Sometime à un moment in the middle of the night, Holmes shook secoua Watson, woke him up le réveilla , and said, “Watson, look up at the stars and tell me what you see.”

Watson replied, “I see millions and millions of stars.” Holmes said, “Yes. And what do you deduce que déduis-tu from that?”

Watson replied, “Well, if there are so many stars, and if even only a handful une poignée of them have planets, it’s quite likely probable there are some planets like Earth. And if there are a few planets like Earth, there might also be il pourrait aussi y avoir life.”

Holmes said, “Watson, you idiot — it means somebody has stolen a volé our tent.”

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Vocabulary

pitch a tent: to set up a tent

deduce: to reach a conclusion from evidence

a handful: a small number or amount

They pitched their tent ont monté leur tente before sunset.

Holmes asked Watson what he could deduce déduire from the stars.

Only a handful une poignée of stars are visible with the naked eye.

Grammar

Direct speech: The joke uses quotation marks to show exact words spoken.

“What do you see?” asked Holmes.

Past simple: Used for completed actions in the story.

Holmes shook secoua Watson awake.

Logical deduction: Watson uses “likely” and “might” to express probability.

Synonyms & Alternatives

likely: probable, expected

deduce: conclude, infer

has stolen: has taken, has pinched (informal BrE)

Mini Dialogue

Alice: Look at the sky — what do you think it means?

Ben: Probably that it will rain.

Alice: Or that we should pack up quickly.

Ben: Or that someone has already taken our tent!

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© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

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