the parrot

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A man acquired a parrot PERROQUET that could already speak, having once belonged to a sailor MARIN with a vast vocabulary. However CEPENDANT , the man soon realised that the parrot mostly knew vulgar words. At first, he found it funny AMUSANT , but it quickly became tiresome LASSANT . When he had guests INVITÉS over, the bird’s crude language embarrassed him greatly.

As soon as DÈS QUE the guests left, the man angrily AVEC COLÈRE shouted CRIA at the parrot, “That language must stop!” But the bird responded with curses MALÉDICTIONS . He shook SECOUA the bird and yelled again, “Don’t use those ugly words MOTS VULGAIRES !” Yet, the parrot cursed him L’INJURIA again.

Now furious, the man grabbed SAISIT the parrot and threw it into the refrigerator. But the bird kept swearing JURA from inside. He opened the door, took it out, but the parrot still used dirty words MOTS GROSSIERS and curses. Finally, he opened the freezer CONGÉLATEUR , tossed JETA the bird in, and shut REFERMA the door.

Silence followed. After two minutes, the man opened the door and took out the very cold parrot. Slowly LENTEMENT , the shivering GRELOTANT parrot walked up the man’s arm BRAS , sat on his shoulder ÉPAULE , and whispered CHUCHOTA into his ear OREILLE , sounding terrified: “ I promise JE PROMETS , I’ll be good… Those chickens in there… what did they say?”

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Vocabulary

Parrot: a colourful bird known for mimicking speech.

Sailor: a person who works on a ship.

Curses: offensive words or expressions used to insult.

Freezer: a compartment for keeping things frozen.

The parrotPERROQUET repeated everything he said.

The sailorMARIN taught the bird many words.

His cursesMALÉDICTIONS shocked everyone at the party.

He put the ice cream in the freezerCONGÉLATEUR.

Grammar

Direct speech captures exact words spoken, enclosed in quotation marks. Past simple tense describes completed actions in the past.

Direct speech: “I’ll be good,” the parrot whispered.

Past simple: He shook the parrot and shouted angrily.

Synonyms & Alternatives

Parrot: bird, macaw

Curses: swear words, profanities

Freezer: icebox, deep freeze

Mini Dialogue

Friend 1 (at a bar): My new parrotPERROQUET keeps swearingJURANT at everyone!

Friend 2: That’s funnyAMUSANT! Where did you get it?

Friend 1: From a sailorMARIN who taught it all those cursesMALÉDICTIONS.

Friend 2: Maybe stick it in the freezerCONGÉLATEUR to cool its language!

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© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

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eve and adam

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God was assigning traits ATTRIBUAIT DES QUALITÉS to Adam and Eve and realised he had only two traits QUALITÉS left. He decided to let them choose.

“I have two remaining traits,” God said. “The first is the ability to pee D’URINER while standing.”

Adam immediately jumped up. “I’ll take that one! I can go anywhere without sitting down. I can even write my name in the snow ÉCRIRE MON NOM DANS LA NEIGE !”

God raised an eyebrow DIEU LEVA UN SOURCIL . “You’re sure? You haven’t heard the other option.”

Adam waved him off L’ÉCARTA D’UN GESTE . “Doesn’t matter. Standing up to pee is unbeatable IMBATTABLE .”

God turned to Eve. “Are you all right with this?”

Eve looked at Adam’s excitement, shrugged HAUSSA LES ÉPAULES , and smiled. “That’s fine. I’m sure whatever I get QUOI QUE JE REÇOIVE will be just fine.”

God nodded DIEU HOCHA LA TÊTE . “Very well. Eve, you receive the remaining trait LA DERNIÈRE QUALITÉ : multiple orgasms.”

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Vocabulary

trait: A particular quality or characteristic.

unbeatable: Impossible to improve upon.

shrug: To raise one’s shoulders to show indifference.

Adam thought the ability was unbeatableIMBATTABLE.

Grammar

The joke mainly uses the past continuous and past simple.

Past continuous: “was assigning” sets the background.

Past simple: “jumped”, “said”, “nodded” show completed actions.

Synonyms & Alternatives

shrugged: gestured, showed indifference

waved him off: dismissed, brushed aside

Mini Dialogue

God: Are you sure about your choice?

Adam: Absolutely. It’s unbeatableIMBATTABLE.

Eve: I’m fine with whatever I get.

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© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

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Season's Greetings

End-of-Year Wishes
(No pressure. No miracles. Just vibes.)

This is the part of the year where time slows down, snacks multiply, and everyone agrees to “catch up in January” knowing full well that January has other plans.

English

Congratulations on making it to the end of the year. That alone deserves recognition.

May your holidays be calm enough to rest,
loud enough to laugh,
and short enough not to require a recovery plan.

May next year bring fewer unnecessary meetings, more good interruptions, and at least one habit that sticks longer than a New Year’s resolution.

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Français

Bravo d’avoir survécu à l’année. Ce n’était clairement pas une mince affaire.

Que la fin d’année soit suffisamment calme pour se reposer, suffisamment animée pour rire, et pas assez longue pour provoquer une crise existentielle.

Et que l’année à venir contienne moins de stress inutile, plus de pauses méritées, et au moins une bonne résolution qui dépasse le mois de janvier.

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Sesotho

Kea u lebohela ho fihla mafelong a selemo — ha se ntho e nyenyane.

E se eka matsatsi ana a phomolo a ka ba bonolo ho lekana hore u phomole, a be monate ho lekana hore u tšehe, ’me a se ke a ba malelele hoo u hlokang phomolo hape.

Selemo se secha se ke se tlise khatello e fokolang, menyetla e mengata ea ho hema, le bonyane phetoho e le ’ngoe e sa feleng pele ho Pherekhong.

Thanks for reading. If you made it this far, you’re already winning.

travelling to the city

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An Amish husband, his wife, and their son travelled to the city one day. They visited a shopping mallCENTRE COMMERCIAL, and while the mother was shopping, the father and son stood in front of a liftASCENSEUR, not knowing what it was.

As they stood with their mouths open, an elderlyLES PERSONNES ÂGÉES lady walked into the automatic silver doors. The doors closed. The father and son watched as the numbers went up and then down.

When the doors opened, a beautiful young woman walked out. The father looked at his son and said, "SonFILS, go get your mother!"

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Vocabulary

mall: Large building with shops inside.

lift: Machine to move people between floors.

elderly: Old person.

They stood in front of the liftASCENSEUR.

An elderlyLES PERSONNES ÂGÉES lady entered the doors.

The family went to the mallCENTRE COMMERCIAL.

Grammar

The joke uses past simple to narrate events and direct speech for dialogue.

Past simple: They travelled, the doors closed, the numbers went up — actions completed in the past.

Direct speech: Words spoken by characters appear inside quotation marks.

Synonyms & Alternatives

mall: shopping centre, marketplace

elderly: senior, aged

lift: elevator, hoist

Mini Dialogue

Father: Son, go get your mother!

Son: Right away, father.

Father: Look at that, isn’t it amazing?

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© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

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five shortish jokes

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[1]
A husband and wife are trying to set upCONFIGURER a new passwordMOT DE PASSE for their laptop. The husband types “My-PeNiS”, at which point his wife bursts out laughingÉCLATE DE RIRE and falls off the chair, as the screen displaysAFFICHE: “It is not long enoughPAS ASSEZ LONG.”

[2]
Two fish are in a tankCHAR D’ASSAUT ↔ RÉSERVOIR. One turns to the other and asks: “Do you know how to driveCONDUIRE this thing?”

[3]
A childENFANT asked his father: “How were people bornNÉS?” The father replied: “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies grew up and made more babies, and so on.” The child then asked his mother the same question, and she said: “We were monkeysSINGES, then we evolvedÉVOLUÉ to become like we are now.” The child ran back to his father and exclaimed: “You lied to me!” The father responded: “No, your mum was talking about her side of the family.”

[4]
A teacherENSEIGNANT asked her studentsÉLÈVES to use the word “beansHARICOTS” in a sentence. One girl said: “My father grows beans.” A boy added: “My mother cooks beans.” A third student chimed in: “We are all human beans.”

[5]
Why don’t scientistsSCIENTIFIQUES trust atomsATOMES? Because they make upINVENTER ↔ CONSTITUER everything.

[6]
A lawyerAVOCAT and a doctorMÉDECIN were chatting at a party. The doctor said: “At parties, people always ask me for medical adviceCONSEILS MÉDICAUX.” The lawyer replied: “Send them a billFACTURE the next day.” The doctor thought it was a brilliant idea—until the next morning, when he received a bill from the lawyer.

Vocabulary

set up: To configure or arrange something so it works.

password: A secret word or phrase used to gain access.

burst out laughing: To suddenly start laughing.

display: To show information on a screen.

They tried to set upCONFIGURER a new password.

The screen displayedAFFICHÉ an error message.

His wife burst out laughingÉCLATA DE RIRE.

Grammar

The joke mainly uses the present continuous and past simple.

Present continuous: “are trying” — describes an action in progress.

Past simple: “typed”, “laughed”, “fell” — completed actions.

It + adjective + enough: “It is not long enough” — common structure for limits or sufficiency.

Synonyms & Alternatives

set up: configure, arrange

burst out laughing: crack up, start laughing suddenly

display: show, present

not long enough: too short, insufficient length

Mini Dialogue

Husband: Why won’t it accept my password?

Wife: Read the message on the screen.

Husband: “It is not long enough.”

Wife: That’s exactly the problem!

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© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy.

💡 Get fresh ESL jokes straight to your inbox:

🌱 If you enjoy this blog, consider buying me a coffee.