19 August 2025

at the brewery

Learn English With Jokes
Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer.
Choisissez des blagues selon la grammaire utilisée (à partir des 'labels' en bas)

𝔸 workerOUVRIER from the Guinness breweryBRASSERIE went to his colleague’s home with some grimSINISTRE news.

“I’m so sorry, Mary,” he said gently, “but Kenneth died at the breweryBRASSERIE today.”

“Oh my God!” gasped Mary. “What happened?”

“He drowned in a vatCUVE of Guinness Stout,” the man said, lowering his head.

“That’s awful! But… was it quick at least?”

The worker sighed. “I’m afraid not. He climbed out twice to take a leakPISSER.”


🔍 Vocabulary
In this joke, let’s look at brewery, grim, vat, and take a leak.
Brewery is a place where beer is produced.
Grim means bleak, worrying, or depressing.
Vat is a large container used for liquids in industry.
Take a leak is an informal phrase meaning to urinate.
  • The brewery released a new craft lager.
  • The news about the storm was grim.
  • The winemakers filled the vat with grapes.
  • He stopped on the motorway to take a leak.
📘 Grammar
This joke uses the past simple tense for narration (“went,” “said,” “drowned”). It features direct speech to show dialogue. A contrast question is used for effect (“But… was it quick at least?”). It also employs informal idiom in “take a leak.”
  • He went to his colleague’s home yesterday.
  • “What happened?” she asked.
  • But was it quick at least?
  • He said he needed to take a leak.
🔄 Synonyms & Alternatives
Brewery: beer factory, alehouse, distillery, brewhouse
Grim: bleak, harsh, dire, gloomy
Vat: tank, tub, barrel, container
Take a leak: relieve oneself, have a wee, urinate, go to the loo
💬 Mini Dialogue
Colleague: The atmosphere in that meeting was grim.
Manager: Yes, but at least the brewery visit afterwards was fun.
Colleague: True — those giant vats were impressive.
Manager: I nearly missed the tour because I had to take a leak!



© — This blog shares jokes passed along from person to person, over time. I claim ownership to none of them. Feel free to copy, share, or tell them at your wedding, your next dinner party, or braaivleis, or bar mitzvah. Drop your favourite clean joke in the comment section and we'll happily share it.

18 August 2025

johnny and the teacher

Learn English With Jokes
Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer.
Choisissez des blagues selon la grammaire utilisée (à partir des 'labels' en bas)

𝔸 teacherPROFESSEUR(E) was giving a lesson when she noticed Johnny wasn’t paying attention. She asked, “If there are three ducksCANARDS sitting on a fenceCLÔTURE and you shoot one, how many are left?”

Johnny replied, “NoneAUCUN.”

The teacher asked, “Why?” Johnny said, “Because the gunshotCOUP DE FEU scared them all away.”

The teacher answered, “No, two — but I like the way you’re thinking.”

Then Johnny asked, “If you see three women walking out of an ice-cream parlourSALON DE GLACE — one licking her ice-cream, one sucking her ice-cream, and one biting her ice-cream — which one is married?”

The teacher replied, “The one sucking her ice-cream.”

Johnny said, “No, the one with the wedding ringALLIANCE — but I like the way you’re thinking!”


🔍 Vocabulary
Let’s examine fence, gunshot, ice-cream parlour, and wedding ring.
Fence is a barrier made of posts and wire or wood.
Gunshot is the sound or result of a gun being fired.
Ice-cream parlour is a shop where ice-cream is sold.
Wedding ring is a band of metal worn to show marriage.
  • The ducks sat on the fence.
  • A loud gunshot echoed through the valley.
  • We stopped at an ice-cream parlour after school.
  • She wore a gold wedding ring on her left hand.
📘 Grammar
This joke uses conditional questions with "if" (e.g. "If there are three ducks…"). It includes cause and effect with "because" ("Because the gunshot scared them…"). Direct speech is used throughout to highlight dialogue. The joke also contrasts literal answers with imaginative thinking.
  • If you push the button, the light will turn on.
  • Because it rained, the match was cancelled.
  • “Why are you late?” she asked.
  • I like the way you’re thinking.
🔄 Synonyms & Alternatives
Fence: barrier, wall, enclosure
Gunshot: shot, bang, gunfire
Ice-cream parlour: ice-cream shop, café, dessert bar
Wedding ring: marriage band, ring of commitment, wedding band
💬 Mini Dialogue
Teacher: If there are three cats on a wall and you push one, how many are left?
Learner: None — the others all ran away!
Teacher: Not quite — but I like the way you’re thinking.
Learner: Thanks, miss. Now it’s my turn…



© — This blog shares jokes passed along from person to person, over time. I claim ownership to none of them. Feel free to copy, share, or tell them at your wedding, your next dinner party, or braaivleis, or bar mitzvah. Drop your favourite clean joke in the comment section and we'll happily share it.

17 August 2025

losing weight

Learn English With Jokes
Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer.
Choisissez des blagues selon la grammaire utilisée (à partir des 'labels' en bas)

𝔸 moronABRUTI(E) | CRÉTIN(E) was overweightEN SURPOIDS, so his doctor prescribed a diet. "I want you to eat normally for two days, then skipSAUTER a day, and repeat this for two weeks. When I see you next, you will have lostVOUS AUREZ PERDU at least five kilos."

When the man returned, he had lost nearly 20 kilos!

"That's astonishing!" the doctor exclaimed. "Did you follow my instructions?"

The man noddedLE GARS HOCHE LA TÊTE. "I’ll tell you, Doctor, I thought I’d drop dead on the third day."

"From hunger?" the doctor asked.

"No, from skipping," the man replied.


🔍 Vocabulary
In this joke, let’s examine moron, overweight, skip, and you will have lost.
Moron refers to a foolish or unintelligent person.
Overweight means having excess body weight.
Skip can mean to omit or, in this context, to jump repeatedly.
You will have lost indicates a future expectation of weight reduction.
  • He acted like a moron during the quiz.
  • She’s overweight but working on her fitness.
  • I’ll skip dessert to save calories.
  • By next month, you will have lost some weight.
📘 Grammar
This joke uses the past simple tense for actions like "prescribed," "returned," and "exclaimed." It includes direct speech for the doctor’s and man’s dialogue. The future perfect tense ("you will have lost") predicts a completed action. Informal contractions like "I’ll" reflect casual speech.
  • The doctor prescribed a strict diet.
  • "Did you follow my instructions?" he asked.
  • He had lost nearly 20 kilos.
  • I’ll tell you, it was tough.
🔄 Synonyms & Alternatives
Moron: idiot, fool, dimwit, simpleton
Overweight: heavy, obese, plump, chubby
Skip: omit, bypass, jump, hop
You will have lost: you’ll shed, you will drop, you’ll lose, you will reduce
💬 Mini Dialogue
Student: I’m overweight from all this studying stress!
Tutor: Try skipping snacks for two days, then eat normally.
Student: (nods) By next week, I’ll have lost a kilo!
Tutor: Great, but don’t be a moron—stick to healthy choices!



© — This blog shares jokes passed along from person to person, over time. I claim ownership to none of them. Feel free to copy, share, or tell them at your wedding, your next dinner party, or braaivleis, or bar mitzvah. Drop your favourite clean joke in the comment section and we'll happily share it.

16 August 2025

advert for a man

Learn English With Jokes
Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer.
Choisissez des blagues selon la grammaire utilisée (à partir des 'labels' en bas)

𝔸 lonelySE SENTIR SEUL woman decided to place an advert in the local newspaper seeking a man. Her advert listed three requirementsEXIGENCES: the man must not beat his wife, must not follow her when she wishes to go out aloneTOUT SEUL: ON PEUT ÊTRE 'ALONE' ET PAS DU TOUT 'LONELY', and must be great in bedBON AU LIT.

The next morning, her doorbell rang. She opened the door and was surprised to see a man in a wheelchairFAUTEUIL ROULANT smiling up at her. She asked, "Can I help you?"

"I… er… I'm here about your advert for a man," he replied.

The woman was taken aback. He was disabledINFIRME! "Well," she said, "the advert specified a man who wouldn’t beat me."

The man wiggledGIGOTA his armless torso. "I certainly can’t beat anyone, even if I wanted to."

"It also required someone who wouldn’t follow me everywhere," she continued.

The man wiggled the stumpsMOIGNONS of his legs and looked at her.

"And," she added, "he must be great in bed."

The man smiled broadly and said, "Lady, how do you think I rang your doorbell?"


🔍 Vocabulary
In this joke, let’s examine lonely, requirements, alone, great in bed, wheelchair, disabled, wiggled, and stumps.
Lonely means feeling sad due to a lack of companionship.
Requirements refers to conditions or criteria that must be met.
Alone means being by oneself, not necessarily feeling lonely.
Great in bed implies being highly skilled or satisfying in intimate situations.
Wheelchair is a chair with wheels used by those with mobility challenges.
Disabled describes someone with a physical or mental impairment.
Wiggled means moved or twisted back and forth quickly.
Stumps refers to the remaining parts of amputated limbs.
  • She felt lonely after moving to a new city.
  • The job has strict requirements for applicants.
  • He prefers to work alone in the evenings.
  • They say he’s great in bed, but I wouldn’t know!
  • She uses a wheelchair to get around comfortably.
  • His condition left him disabled, but he’s very independent.
  • The puppy wiggled its tail excitedly.
  • The tree’s stumps were all that remained after the storm.
📘 Grammar
This joke uses the past simple tense for actions like "decided," "rang," and "said." It employs direct speech to convey the dialogue between the woman and the man. The use of modal verbs like "must" in the advert highlights necessary conditions. Informal speech patterns, such as "er" and ellipses, reflect hesitation or a conversational tone.
  • She decided to place an advert in the newspaper.
  • "Can I help you?" she asked.
  • The man wiggled his stumps and smiled.
🔄 Synonyms & Alternatives
Lonely: lonesome, isolated
Requirements: conditions, criteria
Alone: by oneself, solitary
Great in bed: skilled intimately, exceptional in intimacy
💬 Mini Dialogue
Clara: I've been feeling so lonely lately. I might place an advert for a flatmate.
Tom: Good idea! What requirements are you setting?
Clara: They must be tidy, give me space to be alone sometimes, and, well, be great company.
Tom: (grinning) Great company, eh? Like, great in conversation?
Clara: (laughs) Exactly! No one in a wheelchair or disabled excluded—they just need to wiggle into my life with some charm!



© — This blog shares jokes passed along from person to person, over time. I claim ownership to none of them. Feel free to copy, share, or tell them at your wedding, your next dinner party, or braaivleis, or bar mitzvah. Drop your favourite clean joke in the comment section and we'll happily share it.

11 August 2025

getting hired

Learn English With Jokes
Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer.
Choisissez des blagues selon la grammaire utilisée (à partir des 'labels' en bas)

𝕊o, a job interviewerINTERVIEWEUR asked the candidate, "How do you wish to explain this four-year gapÉCART on your résuméCV?"

The intervieweeCANDIDAT replied, "That's because I went to Yale."

The interviewer exclaimed, "Oh, that's impressive! You are hired!VOUS ÊTES EMBAUCHÉ !"

The interviewee responded, "Thanks! I really needed this yob."


🔍 Vocabulary
In this joke, let's look at gap, résumé, and hired.
Gap refers to an empty or missing period, often in employment or education history.
Résumé is a document summarising a person's education, work experience, and skills.
Hired means officially offered a job or position.
  • There was a gap in her employment history due to travel.
  • She updated her résumé before applying for the job.
  • He was hired after a successful interview.
📘 Grammar
This joke uses the past simple tense for actions like "asked," "replied," and "exclaimed." It also employs direct speech to capture the dialogue between the interviewer and interviewee. The word "yob" is a deliberate mispronunciation for humour, mimicking the sound of "job."
  • The interviewer asked about the candidate's experience.
  • "I went to Yale," the interviewee replied.
  • The interviewer exclaimed, "You're hired!"
🔄 Synonyms & Alternatives
Gap: break, hiatus
Résumé: CV, curriculum vitae
Hired: employed, recruited
💬 Mini Dialogue
Manager: I noticed a three-year gap on your CV. Can you explain it?
Candidate: I took time off to study at a prestigious university.
Manager: That's impressive! You're hired for the role.
Candidate: Thank you! I'm excited to start this job.
Manager: Great, welcome to the team!



© — This blog shares jokes passed along from person to person, over time. I claim ownership to none of them. Feel free to copy, share, or tell them at your wedding, your next dinner party, or braaivleis, or bar mitzvah. Drop your favourite clean joke in the comment section and we'll happily share it.

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