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It was a few days before Valentine’s Day, and a young woman was taking an afternoon
napsieste.
When she woke, she said to her husband,
“I've just dreamt thatj’ai rêvé que
you gave me a pearl
necklacecollier
for Valentine’s Day! What do you think it means?”
Her husband smiled and replied with a
winkclin d’œil,
“Oh, I have a feeling
you’ll find out latertu le sauras plus tard
this evening.”
His wife
squealed with delightpoussa un cri de joie.
That evening, the man returned home carrying a small package and
handed it to herla lui tendit.
Overjoyed, she
tore it openl’ouvrit vivement —
only to discover a book titled... 'The Meaning of Dreams.'
Vocabulary
nap: a short sleep during the day
wink: to close one eye briefly as a signal or joke
necklace: jewellery worn around the neck
squealed with delight: cried out in happiness
She took a short napsieste after lunch.
He gave her a playful winkclin d’œil.
She wore a golden necklacecollier at the party.
The children squealed with delightpoussèrent des cris de joie at the surprise.
Grammar
This joke uses the past simple tense and direct speech.
Past simple: The man returned home with a small package.
Direct speech: She said, “I just dreamt that you gave me a pearl necklace.”
Synonyms & Alternatives
Nap: doze, rest, catnap
Wink: blink playfully, signal, gesture
Delight: joy, pleasure, happiness
Mini Dialogue
Helen (HR): Did you manage to get a quick napsieste at lunch?
Mark (Accounting): Not really — I was buried in reports!
Helen: Well, a short rest might help you finish faster.
Mark: I’ll try — maybe the numbers will look better after one!
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A motoristautomobiliste, driving past a Tennessee ranchferme, not far from Seymour on the way up to Cades Cove, struck and killed a calfveau that was attempting to cross the road. The motorist approached the farmeragriculteur and explained the incident.
He then enquired what the animal was worthvalait. The farmer replied, “Well, about £700 today, but in six years, it would have been worth at leastau moins £1400. So £1400 is what I’m expectingm’attends à from you.”
The motorist sat down, wrote out a chequerédigea un chèque, and handed it to the farmer. “Here,” he said, “is a cheque for £700. It’s postdatedpostdaté six years from now.”
Vocabulary
motorist: a person who drives a vehicle
ranch: a large farm for raising livestock
calf: a young cow or bull
postdated: dated for a future time
The motoristautomobiliste sped past the village.
The cattle grazed on the ranchferme.
The calfveau followed its mother.
He gave a postdatedpostdaté cheque.
Grammar
This anecdote uses reported speech and the future-in-the-past tense.
Reported speech: The motorist asked what the calf was worth.
Future-in-the-past: The farmer said it would have been worth £1400.
Synonyms & Alternatives
Motorist: driver, car owner, traveller
Ranch: farm, estate, homestead
Postdated: forward-dated, deferred, delayed
Mini Dialogue
Emma: Did you settle the invoice for the delivery?
Liam: Yes, but I issued a postdatedpostdaté cheque for next month.
Emma: Clever! What’s it worthvaut now?
Liam: About £500, but I’m expectingm’attends à more business soon!
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A man was lyingallongé in hospital, awaiting the first-ever brain transplantgreffe de cerveau. A doctor entered and said, “Congratulationsfélicitations! But unfortunatelymalheureusement, as this is a new procedure, your insurance isn't going tone va pas cover it fully. We’re offering three brain options, and you can choose which you can affordcelui que vous pouvez payer.”
“Alright, what are they?” asked the man.
The doctor replied, “First, there’s engineer brain, priced at £100 per ounceonce. Next, astrophysicist brain, at £200 per ounce. Finally, politician brain, the most expensivecoûteux, at £1,000 per ounce.”
The man, shocked, exclaimed, “That’s absurd! Why is politician brain so costly?”
The doctor smirkedricana and said, “Sir, do you have any idea how many politicians it takes to get an ounceonce of brain?”
Vocabulary
lying: resting or recovering in bed
brain transplant: surgical transfer of a brain
expensive: costing a lot of money
ounce: a unit of weight (28.35 grams)
He was lyingallongé in the ward all day.
The brain transplantgreffe de cerveau was groundbreaking.
Politician brain is too expensivecoûteux.
It costs £100 per ounceonce.
Grammar
This joke uses reported speech and the present simple tense.
Reported speech: The doctor told the man about the brain options.
Present simple: The doctor explains the prices clearly.
Synonyms & Alternatives
Expensive: costly, pricey, dear
Lying: resting, reclining, recovering
Ounce: measure, unit, weight
Mini Dialogue
Emma: Have you checked the expensivecoûteux invoices yet?
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A female researcher was writing her thesis about the effects of long army service and sexual function. In one of her first meetings with war veterans, some still serving, some honourably dischargedlibéré honorablement, she decides to pose a somewhat delicate question. "Can you please tell me, and don't be shyne soyez pas timide, when was the last time you had intercourserelations sexuelles?" Most of them mumbledmarmonnèrent some embarrassed reply. Only one man, a general, stood tall and said "1956 ma'amm'dame."
The woman, taken backsurprise by this answer said, "That longsi longtemps?!"
"Yes ma'am."
The woman felt terrible for the general, who was actuallyen réalité a good-looking gentleman and decided to break his long dry streaklongue période sans relations herself. So she invited him to her flatapartement for dinner after the meeting. He agreed, and after a nice meal, the two were very intimate.
AfterwardAprès coup ↔ Ensuite, exhausted, the woman cuddled up tose blottit contre the army general and whisperedchuchota, "Well, you sure haven't forgotten anything since 1956..." The general looked at her confused and said, "Well I sure hope not. It's only 2330 now!"
Vocabulary
honourably discharged: released from service with good record
don't be shy: feel free, no embarrassment
intercourse: sexual relations
mumbled: spoke quietly and unclearly
ma'am: polite address for a woman
taken back: surprised
That long: so much time
actually: in fact, really
long dry streak: long period without sexual activity
Afterward: later, subsequently
cuddled up to: snuggled close
whispered: spoke softly
Grammar
This joke uses reported speech and the past simple tense.
Reported speech: The general said it was only 2330 now.
Past simple: The woman invited him to her flat.
Synonyms & Alternatives
actually: in fact, really, indeed, actuellement
taken back: surprised, shocked, startled
long dry streak: long hiatus, sexual drought, extended break
Mini Dialogue
Jill (HR): Did you finish the report for afterwardaprès coup review?
Tom (Accountant): Yes, it’s ready and on your desk.
Jill: Great, let’s meet in my flatchez moi to discuss the client feedback.
Tom: Perfect, don’t be shyn’hésite pas to share your thoughts!
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A man acquired a parrotperroquet that could already speak, having once belonged to a sailormarin with a vast vocabulary. Howeverceci dit, the man soon realised that the parrot mostly knew vulgar words. At first, he found it funnyamusant, but it quickly became tiresomefatigant. When he had guestsinvités over, the bird’s crude language embarrassed him greatly.
As soon asdès que the guests left, the man angrilyen colère shouted at the parrot, “That language must stop!” But the bird responded with cursesmalédictions. He shooka secoué the bird and yelled again, “Don’t use those ugly wordsmots vulgaires!” Yet, the parrot cursed himl’a injurié again.
Now furious, the man grabbeda saisi the parrot and threw it into the refrigerator. But the bird kept swearingjurant from inside. He opened the door, took it out, but the parrot still used dirty wordsmots grossiers and curses. Finally, he opened the freezercongélateur, tossed the bird in, and shut the door.
Silence followed. After two minutes, the man opened the door and took out the very cold parrot. Slowlylentement, the shiveringgrelottant parrot walked up the man’s armbras, sat on his shoulderépaule, and whispered into his earoreille, sounding terrified: “I promiseje promets, I’ll be good… Those chickens in there… what did they say?”
Vocabulary
Parrot: a colourful bird known for mimicking speech.
Sailor: a person who works on a ship.
Curses: offensive words or expressions used to insult.
Freezer: a compartment for keeping things frozen.
The parrotperroquet repeated everything he said.
The sailormarin taught the bird many words.
His cursesmalédictions shocked everyone at the party.
He put the ice cream in the freezercongélateur.
Grammar
This anecdote uses direct speech and the past simple tense.
Direct speech: “I’ll be good,” the parrot whispered.
Past simple: He shook the parrot and shouted angrily.
Synonyms & Alternatives
Parrot: bird, macaw
Curses: swear words, profanities
Freezer: icebox, cold storage
Mini Dialogue
Friend 1 (at a bar): My new parrotperroquet keeps swearingjurant at everyone!
Friend 2: That’s funnyamusant! Where did you get it?
Friend 1: From a sailormarin who taught it all those cursesmalédictions.
Friend 2: Maybe stick it in the freezercongélateur to cool its language!
