birthing children in italy

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𝔸 doctor was having an affairUNE RELATION AMOUREUSE SECRÈTE with his nurse. Shortly afterwardPEU DE TEMPS APRÈS, she told him that she was pregnantENCEINTE. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.

"But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked.

He replied, "Just send me a postcard and write 'spaghetti' on the back. I'll take care of expensesJE M'OCCUPERAI DES DÉPENSES." Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flewA PRIS L'AVION to Italy.

Six months went by, and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and said, "Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means."

The doctor said, "I will explain itJE VAIS L'EXPLIQUER." Later that evening the doctor came home, read the postcard, and fell to the floorS'EST EFFONDRÉ PAR TERRE with a heart attack.

ParamedicsAMBULANCIERS rushed him to the hospital emergency room. The head medicMÉDECIN CHEF stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest.

So the wife picked up the card and read: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs; two without."

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🔍 Vocabulaire

Dans cette blague, examinons an affair, flew, et head medic.
An affair signifie une relation amoureuse secrète.
Flew signifie a pris l'avion (passé de "fly").
Head medic se réfère au médecin en chef ou responsable.

• Their affair lasted for several months before being discovered.
• She flew to Paris for a business meeting.
• The head medic made the final decision about patient care.

📘 Grammaire

Cette blague utilise principalement le past simple (passé simple) pour les actions comme "was having", "told", "gave". Elle contient aussi du discours rapporté pour montrer les conversations. Notez l'utilisation de contractions informelles comme "I'll".

• The doctor was having an affair (past continuous)
• She told him (past simple)
• "I'll take care of expenses" (future with contraction)

🔄 Synonymes & Alternatives

An affair: a secret relationship, illicit romance
Flew: traveled by air, jetted
Head medic: chief physician, senior doctor

💬 Mini Dialogue

Nurse: Doctor, I'm pregnant. What should we do?
Doctor: Go to Italy - just send a postcard with "spaghetti" written on it.
Wife: (later) What does this strange postcard mean?
Doctor: (reading) "Spaghetti, Spaghetti..." (collapses)
Head Medic: Madam, what caused this shock?
Wife: (reading) "Two with sausage, two without"!

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© —This blog shares jokes passed along from person to person, over time. I claim ownership to none of them. Feel free to copy, share, or tell them at your wedding, your next dinner party, or braaivleis, or bar mitzvah. Drop your favourite clean joke in the comment section and we'll happily share it.

the little old lady

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A farmer took his truck in for repairs. The local mechanics couldn't fix it while he waited, so—since he didn't live far—he decided to walk home. On the way, he stopped at the hardware storeMAGASIN DE BRICOLAGE and bought a bucketSEAU and a gallonGALLON (MESURE) of paint. He then stopped by the feed storeMAGASIN D'ALIMENTS POUR ANIMAUX and picked up two chickens and a gooseOIE.

However, strugglingLUTTANT outside the store, he now had a problem: how to carry all his purchasesACHATS home. As he was scratching his headSE GRATTANT LA TÊTE, a little old lady approached him and said she was lost. "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?" she asked.

"Well," said the farmer, "as a matter of factEN FAIT, my farm is very close to that house. I'd gladly walk you there, but I can't carry all this."

"Why don't you put the paint can in the bucket," suggested the little old lady, "carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm, and carry the gooseOIE in your other hand?"

"Thank you very much," he said, and proceeded to walk the old lady home. On the way, he said, "Let's take my shortcutRACCOURCI down this alley. We'll be there in no time."

The little old lady looked him over cautiously and said, "I'm a lonely widowVEUVE without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley, you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirtJUPE, and have your way with meFAIRE CE QUE VOUS VOUDREZ DE MOI?"

"Holy smokesSACREBLEU, lady!" the farmer exclaimed. "I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a gooseOIE. How in the world could I possibly do that?"

"Well," the old lady replied, "if you WERE to do such a thingSI TU DEVAIS FAIRE UNE TELLE CHOSE , you would set the gooseOIE down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I would hold the chickens."

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🔍 Vocabulary

In this joke, let's look at hardware store, goose, and widow.
Hardware store is a shop selling tools and building materials.
Goose is a large waterbird (oie in French). It's plural is 'geese' not gooses.
Widow refers to a woman whose spouse has died (veuve in French).

• I bought nails at the hardware store.
• The goose honked loudly at the intruders.
• After her husband passed, she became a widow.

📘 Grammar

This joke uses the past tense for narration ("took", "stopped", "bought") and direct speech with contractions ("I'd", "can't") to reflect natural conversation. Note the South African spelling of "mechanics" (no apostrophe in plural).

• The farmer took his truck for repairs.
• "I can't carry all this," he said.
• The mechanics couldn't fix it immediately.

🔄 Synonyms & Alternatives

Hardware store: DIY store, home improvement center
Goose: gander (male), waterfowl
Widow: surviving spouse, bereaved wife

💬 Mini Dialogue

Farmer: How am I supposed to carry all this?
Old Lady: Put the paint in the bucket and chickens under your arms.
Farmer: But what about the goose?
Old Lady: (smirking) Oh, I'm sure you'll think of something...
Farmer: (blushing) Holy smokes, woman!

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© —This blog shares jokes passed along from person to person, over time. I claim ownership to none of them. Feel free to copy, share, or tell them at your wedding, your next dinner party, or braaivleis, or bar mitzvah. Drop your favourite clean joke in the comment section and we'll happily share it.

one-liners (1)

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1. I met a DutchDES PAYS-BAS girl with inflatableQUI PEUT ÊTRE GONFLÉ shoes last week. I phoned her to arrange a dateRENDEZ-VOUS ROMANTIQUE, but sadly she'd popped her clogs^*ELLE ÉTAIT MORTE.
   Peter Kay
2. I can hear music coming from my printerIMPRIMANTE. I think the paper's jammin'^*LE PAPIER EST BLOQUÉ (ET C’EST UNE BLAGUE MUSICALE) again.
   Anonymous
3. I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matterPEU IMPORTE / MÊME SI how foolish they are or how superior I am to them.
   Steve Martin
4. Twenty years ago, we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope, and Steve Jobs. Now we have no CashPAS D’ARGENT (ET PAS DE JOHNNY CASH), no HopePAS D’ESPOIR (ET PAS DE BOB HOPE), and no JobsPAS DE TRAVAIL (ET PAS DE STEVE JOBS). Please don't let Kevin Bacon dieMOURIR.
   Bill Murray
5. I dislike it when new parents ask who the baby looks likeRESSEMBLE À. It was bornNÉ fifteen minutes ago – it looks like a potato.
   Will Ferrell
6. Are there any medium rappersCHANTEURS DE RAP? They're always big or li'lPETIT (ABRÉGÉ).
   Anonymous
7. VegetariansVÉGÉTARIENS, if you love animals so much, then why do you keep eatingMANGER ENCORE / CONTINUER À MANGER all their food?
   Anonymous
8. My wife and I both made a list of five people we could sleep withAVEC QUI ON PEUT COUCHER. She read hers aloud and there were no surprises...
   (a) George Clooney
   (b) Denzel Washington
   (c) Brad Pitt
   ...etc.
   
   I thought to myself, I've got the better dealJ’AI FAIT LE MEILLEUR CHOIX here:
   (a) Your sister...
   Michael McIntyre
9. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the gutsTRIPES / COURAGE.
   Anonymous
10. If at first you don’t succeed, then skydivingSAUT EN PARACHUTE isn’t for you.
    Steven Wright
11. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingoFLAMANT ROSE. I had to put my foot downIMPOSER MA DÉCISION.
    Anonymous
12. Don't you hateDÉTESTER it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
    Anonymous
13. I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
    Jerome K. Jerome
14. Why do they call it rush hourHEURE DE POINTE when nothing moves?
    Robin Williams
15. I’m not superstitious … but I am a little stitious.
    Michael Scott ("The Office")
16. Just taughtENSEIGNÉ my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.
    Conan O’Brien
17. If love were blindÉTAIT AVEUGLE, lingerie wouldn't be so popular.
    Anonymous
18. You know you’re getting old when the candlesBOUGIES cost more than the cake.
    Bob Hope
19. Those who believe in telekinesisTÉLÉKINÉSIE, please raise my handLEVER MA MAIN.
    Kurt Vonnegut
20. Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesomePÉNIBLE / DIFFICILE.
    Isaac Asimov

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🔍 Vocabulary

Let's look at five expressions: popped her clogs, inflatable, a date, Dutch, and arrange.
Popped her clogs means "died" (UK informal).
Inflatable means something that can be filled with air.
A date refers to a romantic meeting.
Dutch refers to someone or something from the Netherlands.
Arrange means to plan or organise something in advance.

• He popped his clogs after a long illness.
• We bought an inflatable mattress for camping.
• I have a date tonight!
• She's Dutch, from Amsterdam.
• Let's arrange to meet at 7 p.m.

📘 Grammar

This joke uses the past perfect for comic effect: "she'd popped her clogs" implies she had already died *before* the date.
It also features past simple ("I met," "I phoned") for storytelling, and to-infinitive ("to arrange a date").

• She had popped her clogs before he even called.
• I met her last week.
• He phoned to arrange the meeting.

🔄 Synonyms & Alternatives

Popped her clogs: kicked the bucket, passed away, died
Inflatable: air-filled, blow-up
A date: romantic meeting, rendezvous
Dutch: from the Netherlands, Netherlander
Arrange: organise, plan, set up

💬 Mini Dialogue

Alex: I tried to arrange a surprise party for Marco.
Sami: Nice! Did you invite that Dutch exchange student too?
Alex: Yes! She's bringing an inflatable llama as a gift.
Sami: No way. Is Marco still going?
Alex: He might not. He popped his clogs … with excitement!

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©2025 – This blog shares jokes passed from person to person over time. I claim no ownership of them. Feel free to copy, share, or tell them at your wedding, your next dinner party, braaivleis, or bar mitzvah. Drop your favourite clean joke in the comment section — we’ll happily share it.

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at the psychiatrist's

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𝔸 guyTYPE, MEC goes to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist draws a circleDESSINE UN CERCLE and shows it to him.

"What's this?" asks the psychiatrist.

"A titNICHON," says the guy.

The psychiatrist then draws a squareDESSINE UN CARRÉ.

"What's this?"

"It's a titNICHON," says the guy.

The psychiatrist then draws a triangleDESSINE UN TRIANGLE and shows it to the guy.

"So, what do you think this is?"

"It's a titNICHON!" yellsCRIE the guy.

"Sir, I'm afraid you have serious sexual issuesPROBLÈMES," says the psychiatrist.

"I have issues? What about you? You keep drawing titsTU N’ARRÊTES PAS DE DESSINER DES NICHONS!"

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🔍 Vocabulary

In this joke, let's look at guy, draws a circle, tit, draws a square, draws a triangle, yells, issues, and You keep drawing tits.
These terms have been translated in the tooltip popups in the joke above.

📘 Grammar

The joke uses the present simple to describe repeated actions and a structured back-and-forth conversation. It also includes direct speech with informal tone and exclamations to deliver humour.

• The psychiatrist draws a shape and asks a question.
• The guy always responds with the same word.
• The joke ends with a humorous reversal of blame.

🔄 Synonyms & Alternatives

Guy: man, fellow, bloke
Yells: shouts, screams, exclaims
Issues: problems, concerns, troubles

💬 Mini Dialogue

Student: I failed the art test again...
Friend: Oh no. What are you going to do?
Student: I'm gonna ask the teacher for another chance.
Friend: Good idea. But maybe stop drawing everything as a football!
Student: I can't help it. Everything reminds me of sport.

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© —This blog shares jokes passed along from person to person, over time. I claim ownership to none of them. Feel free to copy, share, or tell them at your wedding, your next dinner party, or braaivleis, or bar mitzvah. Drop your favourite clean joke in the comment section and we'll happily share it.

the devil and the lawyer

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𝔸n attorneyAVOCAT(E) was sitting in his office late one night when the Devil appeared before him.

The Devil said, "I have a proposal for you.J'AI UNE PROPOSITION POUR TOI You can win every casePROCÈS you try for the rest of your career. Your clients will worship you, your colleagues will envy you, and you'll earn obscene amounts of money. All I want in exchange... is your soul."

The lawyer sniffed the air—sulphur. He narrowed his eyes and asked, "What's the catch?"C'EST QUOI L'ARNAQUE ?

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🔍 Vocabulary

Attorney (AVOCAT): A lawyer, especially in formal contexts.
Case (PROCÈS): A legal dispute brought to court.
Catch (ARNAQUE): A hidden drawback or trick.

• She hired an attorney to handle the contract.
• The case dragged on for months.
• Free pizza? There's always a catch.

📘 Grammar

Uses past continuous ("was sitting") for background actions and direct speech for dialogue. Note the em dash (—) for dramatic pause.

🔄 Synonyms

Attorney: Lawyer, counsel
Obscene: Excessive, outrageous
Catch: Stipulation, hitch

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© —This blog shares jokes passed along from person to person, over time. I claim ownership to none of them. Feel free to copy, share, or tell them at your wedding, your next dinner party, or braaivleis, or bar mitzvah. Drop your favourite clean joke in the comment section and we'll happily share it.