A man is driving up a steepRAIDE and narrowĂTROITE mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road.
As they pass each other, the woman leans outSE PENCHA Ă L’EXTĂRIEUR of her car window and yells "PIG!"
The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "BITCH!"
They each continue on their way, and as the man roundsTOURNA the next corner, he crashes intoPERCUTA a pig right there in the middle of the road, and dies.
Vocabulary
To lean out: to move your upper body outside (e.g. through a window).
To crash into: to hit something violently, often by accident.
She leans outSE PENCHA Ă L’EXTĂRIEUR of the window to shout.
He crashes intoPERCUTA an obstacle on the road.
Grammar
The joke mainly uses past simple for narration, with sequencing of actions creating irony.
Past simple: The woman yelled and the man replied.
Sequential actions: As he rounded the corner, he crashed into a pig.
Synonyms & Alternatives
Lean out: stick out, bend out.
Crash into: collide with, smash into.
Mini Dialogue
Tom: I leaned outME PENCHAI Ă L’EXTĂRIEUR of the train window to take a photo.
James: Careful, you could crash intoPERCUTER something!
Little Johnny attended a horse auctionVENTE AUX ENCHĂRES with his father.
He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs and rumpCROUPE, and chest.
After a few minutes, Johnny asked, “Dad, why are you doing that?”
His father replied, “Because when I’m buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shapeEN PLEINE FORME before I buy.”
Johnny, looking worried, said, “Dad, I think the postmanFACTEUR wants to buy Mum.”
Vocabulary
Rump: the hindquarters or rear part of an animal.
In good shape: physically fit and healthy.
The father checks the horse’s rumpCROUPE.
He wants the horses to be in good shapeEN PLEINE FORME.
Grammar
The joke mainly uses past simple to narrate events and direct speech, with a mix of present continuous for ongoing actions and present simple in reported explanations.
Past simple: Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father.
Present continuous: He is running his hands up and down the horse’s legs.
Reported / direct speech: “Dad, why are you doing that?”
Synonyms & Alternatives
Rump: hindquarters, rear.
In good shape: fit, sound.
Mini Dialogue
Tommy: Why are you feeling the dog’s legs and back like that?
Father: Because when I’m buying dogs, I have to make sure they are healthy and in good shapeEN PLEINE FORME before I buy.
A woman went to visit her husbandSON MARI in prison. They sat across from each other and talked for a long time.
When the guard finally announced that visiting hours were overQUE L’HEURE DES VISITES ĂTAIT TERMINĂE, she stood up to leave. But just before reaching the door, she turned back to the correction officerSURVEILLANT PĂNITENTIAIRE.
“You really shouldn’t make my husband work so hard,” she said angrilyAVEC COLĂRE. “The poor man is completely exhausted!”
The officer burst out laughingĂCLATA DE RIRE. “Work? Ma’amMADAME, I don’t know what he’s been telling you, but all he does is eat, sleep, and sit in his cellDANS SA CELLULE. He doesn’t even go out to the yardLA COUR!”
The wife’s face flushed with furyS’EMPORPRA DE COLĂRE. “Don’t you lie to meNE ME MENS PAS!” she snapped. “He just told me he’s been digging a tunnelQU’IL CREUSAIT UN TUNNEL every single day for months!”
Vocabulary
Burst out laughing: to suddenly begin laughing loudly.
Flushed with fury: to suddenly go red in the face because of strong anger.
The officer burst out laughingĂCLATA DE RIRE.
The wife’s face flushed with furyS’EMPORPRA DE COLĂRE.
Grammar
The joke mainly uses past simple to narrate the sequence of events and past perfect continuous to describe an action that began in the past and continued up to another past moment.
Past simple: She stood up to leave and turned back to the officer.
Past perfect continuous: He just told me he had been digging a tunnel every single day for months.
Synonyms & Alternatives
Burst out laughing: exploded with laughter, roared with laughter.
Flushed with fury: went red with rage, turned crimson with anger.
Mini Dialogue
Mrs Thompson: You shouldn’t make my son study so hard. The poor boy is exhausted!
Teacher: Study? Madam, all he does is chat and look out of the window in class!
Mrs Thompson:Don’t you lie to meNE ME MENS PAS! He told me he had been practisingS’ĂTAIT ENTRAĂNĂ the piano every day for months!
Ben the post carrierFACTEUR is in love with a nunBONNE SĆUR | NONNE. He knows it is wrong to even think it, but he can’t help himselfIL NE PUT S’EN EMPĂCHER.
One particular day, as he boardsMONTA a bus, Martha, the not-so-good-looking bus driver but his friend, asks him, “Why the long facePOURQUOI CETTE MINE, Ben?”
“I’m in love with Sister Margaret even though I know she can’t even look at me. But I can’t stop thinking about her,” Ben moansSE LAMENTA. “I dream of making love to her.”
Martha, the bus driver, thinks for a while and says to Ben, “I know how you can solve your problem.”
“What do you mean?” Ben asks.
“Well,” Martha the bus driver says, “everyone knows that on Tuesday nights at midnight Sister Margaret goes to the cemetery to pray. Tomorrow is Tuesday. Why don’t you dress upTE DĂGUISER as God and, while she’s praying, jump from behind a tombstone and say… ‘I am God, and I want to make love to you!’”
Ben thinks it’s a brilliant idea.
The next evening at 10 pm he’s all dressed up as God and crouchingACCROUPI behind a tombstone near the centre of the graveyard when, sure enough, at exactly midnight, Sister Margaret appears in the moonlight and starts praying.
Ben springs out in his heavenly costume and booms, “I am God, and I want to make love to you!” And they begin making passionate love.
While they’re together, Ben removes his mask and yells, “Aha! I am Ben, the post carrier!”
And the nun removes her mask and yells, “Aha! I’m Martha, the bus driver!”
Vocabulary
Why the long face: an idiom meaning “Why do you look sad?”
Dress up: to wear a costume or disguise.
Martha asked Ben, “Why the long facePOURQUOI CETTE MINE?”
She suggested he dress upSE DĂGUISER as someone else.
Grammar
The joke mixes narrative past with present simple in dialogue.
Past simple (narration): Ben boarded the bus and explained his problem.
Present simple (dialogue and general truth): Everyone knows she goes to the cemetery on Tuesdays.
Synonyms & Alternatives
Why the long face: why do you look so sad?
Dress up: disguise yourself.
Mini Dialogue
Oliver:Why the long facePOURQUOI CETTE MINE, James?
James: I forgot about the fancy-dress party tonight.
