Ben left workQUITTA LE TRAVAIL one Friday evening.
But since it was paydayJOUR DE PAIE, instead of going home, he stayed out the whole weekend partyingPASSA TOUT LE WEEK-END Ă FAIRE LA FĂTE with his palsPOTES and spending his entire wagesDĂPENSA TOUT SON SALAIRE.
When he finally went homeRENTRA CHEZ LUI on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wifeFUT CONFRONTĂ Ă SA FEMME EN COLĂRE and was barragedFUT BOMBARDĂ for nearly two hours about his behaviour.
Finally his wife stopped the naggingCESSA LES RĂFLEXIONS and said to him, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”
Ben said, “That would be fine with me.”
Monday went byPASSA and he didn’t see his wife.
Tuesday and Wednesday came and wentPASSĂRENT with the same results.
But on Thursday, the swellingLE GONFLEMENTwent downDIMINUA just enough for him to be able to see her a little out of the corner of his left eyeL’APERCEVOIR UN PEU DU COIN DE L’ĆIL.
Vocabulary
Payday: the day when workers receive their wages or salary.
Swelling: a part of the body becoming enlarged after an injury.
Since it was paydayJOUR DE PAIE, Ben went out celebrating.
By Thursday, the swellingL’ENFLURE had gone down a little.
Grammar
The joke mainly uses narrative past tenses to tell a sequence of events and a conditional sentence for the wife’s question.
Past simple (narration): Ben left work on Friday and spent the weekend partying.
Second conditional: “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”
Synonyms & Alternatives
Pals: mates, friends.
Nagging: complaining, constant criticism.
Mini Dialogue
Oliver: Yesterday was paydayJOUR DE PAIE, so I bought a new bicycle.
James: Lucky you. I spent my entire wagesAI DĂPENSĂ TOUT MON SALAIRE fixing my car.
Oliver: My wife asked what I would do if she disappeared for two days.
James: Careful… you might end up with some serious swellingENFLURE too!
A Catholic man enters the confessionalLE CONFESSIONNAL and begins, “Forgive me, I have sinnedPARDONNEZ-MOI, MON PĂRE, CAR J’AI PĂCHĂ.”
“Go on, my son,” replies the priestLE PRĂTRE.
“I sworeJ’AI LĂCHĂ UN GROS JURON the other day—in the most profane way possible,” the man confessesAVOUE L’HOMME.
“Continue,” says the priest.
“I was playing golf and hit my driveJ’AI TAPĂ MON DRIVE. It looked perfect—dead straightBIEN DROIT down the fairwayLE FAIRWAY. But about 200 yards outĂ ENVIRON 200 YARDS, my ball struck a power lineA HEURTĂ UNE LIGNE ĂLECTRIQUE crossing overhead.”
“And that’s when you swore?” asks the priest.
“No, Father, not yetPAS ENCORE. The ball ricocheted off the wires and sailed into the deep roughLE ROUGH PROFOND.”
“Aha, that must have been the moment, yes?” says the priest.
“Not even thenMĂME PAS ALORS. As I walked toward the roughLE ROUGH to play my second shot, a hawk swooped downUN FAUCON A PIQUĂ, snatched my ballA ATTRAPĂ MA BALLE in its beakBEC, and flew off with it.”
“I see,” says the priest. “This surely was when you sworeC’EST SĂREMENT LĂ QUE VOUS AVEZ JURĂ.”
“You’d think so, wouldn’t you? But no. As the bird passed over the green, the ball dropped from its mouth and landed just two feet from the holeEST TOMBĂE Ă SEULEMENT DEUX PIEDS DU TROU.”
A brief silence follows. Then the priest leans forwardSE PENCHA EN AVANT and says, “You missed the f*ckin' putt, didn’t you?VOUS AVEZ RATĂ CE PUTAIN DE PUTT, HEIN ?”
Vocabulary
Confessional: a small booth where Catholics confess their sins to a priest.
Drive: the first, usually long, shot from the tee in golf.
He entered the confessionalLE CONFESSIONNAL quietly.
She hit her driveFRAPPA SON DRIVE straight down the course.
Grammar
The joke mainly uses past simple for narrative progression, with past continuous to set background actions.
Past simple: The ball struck a power line and landed near the hole.
Past continuous: I was playing golf when the accident happened.
Synonyms & Alternatives
Swore: cursed, used foul language.
Deep rough: thick grass, heavy rough.
Mini Dialogue
Oliver: I was cooking when I dropped the panLAISSAI TOMBER LA POĂLE on the floor.
Hugo: And that’s when you sworeJURAS, I suppose?
Oliver: Not at all — the cat had already run awayS’ĂTAIT DĂJĂ ENFUI.
Hugo: You missed your dinnerAS RATĂ TON DĂNER, didn’t you?
A prince was put under a spell so that he could speak only
one word each yearUN SEUL MOT CHAQUE ANNĂE.
If he chose not to speak for a year, he could
carry those unused words forwardREPORTA CES MOTS NON UTILISĂS.
So, if he remained silent for two years, he could say two words in the third year, and so on.
One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady. To express his feelings properly, he
refrained from speakingS’ABSTINT DE PARLER
for two whole years. Then, in the third year, he used his saved words to say,
“My darling”« MA CHĂRIE ».
But he wasn’t done. He wanted to tell her that he loved her — so he waited another three years
without uttering a wordSANS PRONONCER UN SEUL MOT.
After those long, silent years, he said,
“I love you”« JE T’AIME ».
Then came the big question. He decided to ask her to marry him — but to do so, he had to wait four more years.
At the end of these nine years of silence, he took the lady to the most romantic spot in the kingdom and finally said,
“My darling, I love you! Will you marry me?”« MA CHĂRIE, JE T’AIME ! VEUX-TU M’ĂPOUSER ? »
The lady looked at him and said,
“Pardon me?”« COMMENT ? »
Vocabulary
Refrain from: to deliberately stop oneself from doing something.
Utter: to say something aloud.
He refrained from speakingS’ABSTINT DE PARLER for years.
He did not utterPRONONĂA a single word.
Grammar
The joke mainly uses past simple for narration, with conditional structures to explain the spell.
Past simple: He fell in love and waited for years.
Second conditional (rule of the spell): If he remained silent, he could say more words later.
Synonyms & Alternatives
Refrain from: hold back, abstain from.
Utter: pronounce, voice.
Mini Dialogue
Oliver: I refrained from speakingME SUIS ABSTENU DE PARLER all day during the meeting.
Hannah: Why didn’t you utterPRONONCER a word?
Oliver: If I stayed silent, I could carry my arguments forwardPOURRAIS REPORTER MES ARGUMENTS.
A man rubsFROTTE a magic lamp and a
genieGĂNIE APPARAĂT appears.
“You get one wishVĆU,” says the genie.
The man thinks and says, “I’m scaredJ’AI PEUR of travelling by
planeAVION.
I wish for a bridgePONT from California to Hawaii so I can drive there.”
The genie rolls his eyesLEVA LES YEUX AU CIEL.
“Do you have any idea what you’re asking? That’s
thousands of milesDES MILLIERS DE KILOMĂTRES
of ocean. It would take structural engineering
beyond beliefAU-DELĂ DE TOUTE IMAGINATION —
billions of tons of concreteDES TONNES DE BĂTON and
steelACIER.
Come on, man, wish for something else.”
The man nodsHOCHA LA TĂTE and says,
“All right, then. I wish to understand women…
what makes them tickCE QUI LES FAIT FONCTIONNER.”
The genie pauses, swallows hardAVALA SA SALIVE AVEC DIFFICULTĂ, and asks,
“Do you want two lanes or fourDEUX VOIES OU QUATRE on that bridge?”
Vocabulary
Roll one’s eyes: to show disbelief or irritation.
Beyond belief: so extreme that it is hard to imagine.
She rolls her eyesLEVA LES YEUX AU CIEL at the suggestion.
The cost was beyond beliefAU-DELĂ DE TOUTE IMAGINATION.
Grammar
The joke mainly uses present simple for narration and modal verbs for hypothetical requests.
Present simple (narrative present): A genie appears and says.
Modal verb “would”: It would take structural engineering beyond belief.
Synonyms & Alternatives
Wish: desire, request.
Scared: frightened, afraid.
Mini Dialogue
Daniel: I’m scaredAI PEUR of speaking in public.
Imogen: That’s beyond beliefAU-DELĂ DE TOUTE IMAGINATION — you’re brilliant at it!
Daniel: I wish I could understand what makes audiences tick.
