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On a busy bank holidayJOUR FÉRIÉ, the zoo manager offered €200 to a worker to
act as a gorillaSE FAIRE PASSER POUR UN GORILLE, because the real one was unwellMALADE.
Determined to impress his boss, the worker climbed into the
enclosureENCLOS and hung from the
ceilingPLAFOND of the
lion’s denANTRE DU LION.
However, he slippedIL GLISSA and fell to the floor, landing just a few metres away from the lion.
ScreamingHURLANT for help, terrified for his life, the worker panicked as the lion
pounced on himSE JETA SUR LUI.
Then the lion whisperedMURMURA:
“Shut the hell upFERME TA GUEULE or we’re all going to lose our jobs!”
Vocabulary
Enclosure: an area where animals are kept in a zoo.
Pounce: to jump suddenly on something or someone.
The worker climbed into the enclosureENCLOS.
The lion pounces on himSE JETA SUR LUI.
Grammar
The joke mainly uses past simple for narration, with present participles to add tension and immediacy.
Past simple: He slipped and fell to the floor.
Present participle:Screaming for help, terrified for his life.
Synonyms & Alternatives
Pounce: leap at.
Shut the hell up: be quiet.
Mini Dialogue
Oliver: I was screamingHURLANT when the dog ran towards me.
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A boy from a poor family wanted a bikeVÉLO for Christmas. He asked his mother. The mother sighedSOUPIRA, “We can’t afford oneON NE PEUT PAS S’EN PERMETTRE UN—you’ll have to ask Baby Jesus.”
So he went to his room, grabbedSAISIT a pen and a stack of paperUNE PILE DE PAPIER, and began writing:
“Dear Baby Jesus, I’ve been good all yearTOUTE L’ANNÉE. Can you please give me a bike for Christmas?”
He paused. That didn’t feel entirely honest. He tried again:
“Dear Baby Jesus, I’ve been good for the past week. Can you please give me a bike for Christmas?”
Still unsureTOUJOURS INCERTAIN, he tried a third time:
“Dear Baby Jesus, if you give me a bike, I’ll be good all year.”
Even that seemed too muchSEMBLAIT TROP. He went outside to think.
While walkingTOUT EN MARCHANT, he noticed his neighbour’s statue of Mother MaryLA STATUE DE LA VIERGE MARIE CHEZ SON VOISIN. A mischievous ideaIDÉE ESPiÈGLE struck. He hopped the fenceIL SAUTA LA CLÔTURE, tuckedGLISSA the statue under his arm, and ran home.
Back at his desk, he wrote a new letter:
“Dear Baby Jesus, if you ever want to see your mother again, give me a bike!”
Vocabulary
Sigh: to breathe out audibly expressing disappointment or relief.
Mischievous: showing a playful desire to cause trouble or annoyance.
The mother sighedSOUPIRA when asked about the bike.
A mischievous ideaIDÉE ESPiÈGLE struck the boy.
Grammar
The joke uses past simple for main narration and sequence of events, past perfect for earlier actions or states, and conditional for promises/requests.
Past simple: He asked his mother and grabbed a pen.
Past perfect: I’ve been good all year (present perfect in letter, but past context implied).
First conditional: If you give me a bike, I ’ll be good all year.
Synonyms & Alternatives
Sighed: exhaled deeply, breathed heavily, let out a sigh.
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Donald goes to the doctor’s after receiving some very bad news about his conditionSON ÉTAT DE SANTÉ.
Doctor: "UnfortunatelyMALHEUREUSEMENT sir, you have only one week to live."
Donald: "Doctor, what on Earth are you sayingQU’EST-CE QUE VOUS RACONTEZ?", he asked, clearly shocked. "What can I do to live at leastQUE PUIS-JE FAIRE POUR VIVRE AU MOINS a little longer? I don’t have any family but I really want to finish all the television shows I’m watching."
Doctor: "Well, do you eat greasy and friedGRAS ET FRIT food?"
Donald: "Yes."
Doctor: "Stop doing that."
Donald: "If I’ll live longer, sure!"
Doctor: "Do you drink sodas and eat fast food?"
Donald: "Yes."
Doctor: "Stop doing that."
Donald: "If it allows me to live longer, sure."
Doctor: "Do you stay up lateVEILLER TARD?"
Donald: "Most nights."
Doctor: "Stop doing that."
Donald: "AlrightD’ACCORD, done."
Doctor: "Do you have sex often?"
Donald: "Yes. A lot."
Doctor: "Stop doing that."
Donald: "Well, I guessEH BIEN, JE SUPPOSE, if it means living longer."
Doctor: "Do you smoke?"
Donald: "Yes."
Doctor: "Stop doing that."
Donald: "If it allows me to live longer, I will."
Doctor: "Do you drink?"
Donald: "Yes..."
Doctor: "Stop doing that."
Donald: "OK Doctor, but you didn’t tell me, if I do all the things you told me to do, how much longerCOMBIEN DE TEMPS DE PLUS will I live?"
Doctor: "You'll still only live a weekVOUS N’AUREZ TOUJOURS QU’UNE SEMAINE À VIVRE… but it will seemSEMBLER like a decade."
Vocabulary
Unfortunately: expressing regret about a bad situation.
Stay up late: remain awake and active during late hours of the night.
The doctor begins with UnfortunatelyMALHEUREUSEMENT.
He asks if Donald tends to stay up lateVEILLER TARD.
Grammar
The joke uses present simple in dialogue for general habits and direct speech, with future simple ("will live", "will seem") for predictions. Past simple narrates the visit and reactions, while conditional structures appear in Donald’s responses ("If I’ll live longer…", "if it allows me…").
Present simple (habits): Do you eat greasy and fried food?
Future simple (prediction): You will still only live a week… but it will seem like a decade.
Synonyms & Alternatives
Unfortunately: sadly, regrettably, alas.
Stay up late: keep late hours, burn the midnight oil.
Seem: feel, appear.
Mini Dialogue
Claire: Doctor, I have terrible insomnia. I stay up lateJE VEILLE TARD every night!
Doctor:UnfortunatelyMALHEUREUSEMENT, that’s not good for your health.
Claire: If I stop, how much longerCOMBIEN DE TEMPS DE PLUS will I sleep well?
Doctor: You’ll sleep better, but it will seemSEMBLER like hours every night!
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Three old men are discussing their failing memoriesLA MÉMOIRE QUI FLANCHE.
The first old man says, “Today I was at the top of the stairsEN HAUT DES ESCALIERS, and I couldn’t remember if I had just gone up or was about to go downSI JE VENAI[S] DE MONTER OU SI JE DEVAIS DESCENDRE.”
The second old man says, “I was sitting at the edge of my bed and I couldn’t remember if I was about to sleep or had just woken upSI J’ALLAIS M’ENDORMIR OU SI JE VENAI[S] DE ME RÉVEILLER.”
The third man scoffsRICANE and says, “My memory is as good as everMA MÉMOIRE EST AUSSI BONNE QU’AVANT, knock on woodTOUCHE DU BOIS.” With this he hits the table twice with his knuckleARTICULATION DU DOIGT, looks up in surprise and yellsCRIE “Who’s there?”
Vocabulary
Scoff: to mock or express scorn.
Knock on wood: a superstitious phrase said while touching wood to ward off bad luck.
The third man scoffsRICANE at the others.
He says “knock on woodTOUCHE DU BOIS” and knocks on the table.
Grammar
The joke mainly uses past simple to narrate events and reported speech, with a mix of past perfect and past continuous for confusion of sequence or state.
Past simple: Three old men discussed their failing memories.
Past perfect: I couldn’t remember if I had just gone up or was about to go down.
Reported speech / indirect question: He couldn’t remember if he was about to sleep or had just woken up.
