nurses at the pearly gates

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Three nurses died and went to heavenparadis, where they were met at the Pearly GatesPortes de nacre by St. Peter. To the first nurse, he asked, “What did you do on Earthsur Terre and why should you enter heaven?”

“I was a nurse in an inner-city hospitalun hôpital en centre-ville défavorisé,” she replied.

“Very noble,” said St. Peter. “You may enter.” To the next, he asked the same question: “So what did you do on Earth?”

“I was a nurse at a missionary hospital in Africa,” she replied.

“How touchingComme c’est émouvant,” said St. Peter. “You, too, may enter.” He then came to the last nurse, to whomà qui he asked, “So, what did you do back on Earth?”

After some hesitation, she explained, “I was just a nurse at an HMOune mutuelle de santé américaine.” St. Peter pondered thisréfléchit à cela for a moment, and then said, “Okay, you may enter also.”

“Phew!” said the nurse. “For a moment there, I thought you weren’t going to let me in.”

“Oh, you can come in,” said St. Peter, “but you can only stay for three days.”

[N.B.: HMOs are often criticised for limiting patient care and hospital stays to save money.]

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Vocabulary

Pearly Gates: the gates of heaven in Christian tradition

inner-city hospital: hospital in a poor urban area

HMO: Health Maintenance Organisation (US private health insurer)

Many believe the Pearly GatesPortes de nacre are guarded by St. Peter.

She worked in an inner-city hospitalhôpital en centre-ville défavorisé for twenty years.

My insurance is with an HMOmutuelle de santé américaine—they deny everything!

Grammar

The joke uses reported speech and direct speech with typical British punctuation (punctuation inside quotation marks only when part of the spoken words).

Reported speech: She explained, “I was just a nurse…” → She explained that she had been just a nurse…

Direct speech: “How touchingComme c’est émouvant,” said St. Peter.

Synonyms & Alternatives

Pearly Gates: gates of heaven, heaven’s gate

inner-city hospital: urban hospital, city-centre clinic

HMO: health insurer, private healthcare provider

Mini Dialogue

Sophie (HR): Did the external auditor arrive yet?

James (Accounting): Yes, he’s been waiting in reception.

Sophie: Good. Send him to the third-floor meeting room.

James: You’re letting him in? I thought we’d deny his expense claim and keep him out!

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