a couple in heaven

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A man and his girlfriend die in a car accident and met Saint PeterSAINT PIERRE at the gates of HeavenLES PORTES DU PARADIS. Peter says: “Welcome to Heaven! Do you have any questions?”

The man replies: “Yes. My girlfriend and I never had the chanceN’AVIONS JAMAIS EU L’OCCASION to get married while we were alive. Can we get married in Heaven?”

Peter says: “That’s a good question. I’ll come back when I have the answer.”

Left at the gates, the couple starts talking about love and how long eternity isCOMBIEN L’ÉTERNITÉ EST LONGUE. Six weeks later, Peter returns and says: “Okay, I got the answer. Yes, you can get married in Heaven. Come on in and enjoy eternity together.”

The couple then says: “We have another question. Eternity is really long, and we’re not sure our relationship will lastDURERAIT forever. If it doesn’t work outMARCHAIT, can we get a divorce in Heaven?”

“For fuck’s sakeBORDEL DE MERDE! It took me 6 weeksIL M’A FALLU 6 SEMAINES to find a priest up here — do you have the slightest ideaLA MOINDRE IDÉE how long it’ll take to find a bloody lawyerAVOCAT?!”

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Vocabulary

Gates of Heaven: the symbolic entrance to the afterlife.

Work out: to succeed or function as hoped.

They met at the gates of HeavenLES PORTES DU PARADIS.

They wondered whether things would work outMARCHER.

Grammar

The joke relies on past simple for narration and reported speech, with modal verbs to express uncertainty about the future.

Past simple: A man and his girlfriend died in a car accident.

Modal + bare infinitive: We’re not sure our relationship will last forever.

Synonyms & Alternatives

For fuck’s sake: for heaven’s sake, for goodness’ sake.

Lawyer: solicitor, barrister.

Mini Dialogue

Oliver: I’m not sure this plan will work outMARCHER in the long run.

James: Give it time — no one knows how long it will lastDURERA.

Oliver: For fuck’s sakeBORDEL DE MERDE, we haven’t even started yet.

James: Exactly — that’s why we’re still calm.

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