Learn English With Jokes • A Second Opinion
Learn English With Jokes
A Second Opinion
B1–B2 · Medical Vocabulary · Dark Humour
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A week after arriving back homeDE RETOUR CHEZ LUI in the United States, a man wakes up one morning and finds bright green and purple spotsDES TACHES D’UN VERT VIF ET VIOLETTES on his penis. He is horrifiedHORRIFIÉ and immediately goes to see a doctor.
The doctor has never seen anything like this before. He orders some testsPRESCRIT DES ANALYSES and asks the man to come back in two days for the results.
Two days later, the doctor says, “I’m afraid I have some bad news. You’ve contractedCONTRACTÉ a disease called Mongolian VD. It’s very rare and almost unheard ofINCONNUE here in the United States. We know very little about it.”
The man looks confused. “Can’t you give me a shotUNE PIQÛRE or something to fix me upME REMETTRE SUR PIED?”
“I’m sorry,” the doctor replies. “There’s no known cureAUCUN TRAITEMENT CURATIF CONNU. We’ll have to amputateAMPUTER your penis.”
“Absolutely not!” the man cries. “I want a second opinionUN DEUXIÈME AVIS MÉDICAL!”
“Well, it’s your choice,” says the doctor. “But surgery is your only option.”
The next day, the man seeks outCHERCHE À CONSULTER a Chinese doctor, thinking that he may know more about the disease. The doctor examines him and says, “Ah, yes. Mongolian VD. A very rare disease.”
“Yes, I alreadyDÉJÀ know that,” says the man. “But what can we do? My American doctor wants to cut offCOUPER my penis!”
The Chinese doctor shakes his headSECOUE LA TÊTE and laughs. “That American doctor is wrong! He wants to operate and make more money. There’s no need to amputate!”
“Oh, thank goodness!” says the man.
“Yes,” says the doctor. “Just wait two weeks. It’ll fall off by itselfTOMBER TOUT SEUL.”
📘 Key Vocabulary
VD: an older abbreviation for “venereal disease”. The disease name in this joke is fictional.
📖 Grammar Points
1. Present simple for storytelling
“A man wakes up”, “the doctor says” and “the man cries” tell the story as if it is happening now. Keep this tense consistent throughout the narrative.
2. Present perfect
“The doctor has never seen anything like this before” describes his experience up to this point. “You’ve contracted a disease” describes an earlier event with a result now. Form: have/has + past participle.
3. After + -ing
“After arriving back home” means “after he arrives back home”. After a preposition such as after, use the -ing form: “after arriving”, not “after arrive”.
4. Have to: necessity
“We’ll have to amputate” means “We will need to amputate”. Compare: “There’s no need to amputate” means the operation is unnecessary.
5. May: possibility
“He may know more” means “perhaps he knows more”. Use the base form after may: “may know”, not “may knows”.
6. Will: a prediction
“It’ll fall off” means “It will fall off”. After will, use the base verb. Say “It’ll fall off”, not “It fall off”.
7. Phrasal verbs
“Cut off” means remove by cutting. With a pronoun, say “cut it off”, not “cut off it”. “Fall off” means become detached and fall: “The button fell off my coat.”
🔁 Synonyms, Alternatives & the Punchline
Why it is funny: The man thinks “There’s no need to amputate” means he is going to recover. The punchline reveals that the second doctor expects the body part to fall off instead. The reassurance suddenly becomes worse news.
💬 Mini Dialogue
Context: A patient wants clarification after receiving test results.
Patient: Have you got my test results?
Doctor: Yes. I’d like to explain them to you.
Patient: What are my treatment options?
Doctor: Let’s go through them together.
Patient: Could I get a second opinion?
Doctor: Of course. You can discuss the results with another doctor.
Patient: Thank you. That would help me understand my options.
Practise asking about results, treatment options and a second opinion.
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