ESL JOKES

Learn English With Jokes • Two Planets Learn with a joke, then do a quick quiz. ☀ / ☾ theme Two Planets Intermediate · Past Simple · Vocabulary Building ✦ Survolez ou tapez sur les mots en ambre pour voir les définitions en français. During my check-up BILAN DE SANTÉ I asked the Physician MÉDECIN , "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life?" He replied, "I kind of doubt it J'EN DOUTE UN PEU . You see, Mercury is in Uranus MERCURE EST DANS URANUS (JEU DE MOTS : "URANUS" SONNE COMME "YOUR ANUS") right now." I said, "I don't go in for JE NE M'INTÉRESSE PAS À any of that astrology ASTROLOGIE nonsense." He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer THERMOMÈTRE just broke." ...

Learn English With Jokes • Ret's ESL Jokes ☀ / ☾ theme Learn English With Jokes The Pope's Chauffeur Intermediate · Past Simple · Vocabulary Building ✦ Survolez ou tapez sur les mots en ambre pour voir les définitions en français. One day, the Pope PAPE is visiting America and is being driven around Washington DC in his limo LIMOUSINE when he gets an idea. " Driver CHAUFFEUR ," he says, "can I drive for a while UN PETIT MOMENT ?" "Of course," says the driver. [How can you say 'no' to the Pope?] So the Pope starts driving like a maniac FOU / DÉLIRANT all over town, going in and out of traffic, doing CONDUISANT À (on dit "doing + vitesse") 110 km/h. Soon a cop pulls him over L'ARR...

Learn English With Jokes • Ret's ESL Jokes ☀ / ☾ theme Learn English With Jokes Where's God? Intermediate · Past Simple · Vocabulary Building ✦ Survolez ou tapez sur les mots en ambre pour le français. Tapez sur /…/ pour écouter sans quitter la page. Two mischievous espiègles / malicieux little boys were always getting into trouble. Their mother decided that something had to be done, so she sent them to the local clergyman ecclésiastique . The clergyman was a big man with a booming voice voix forte et retentissante . He sat the younger boy down in front of him and asked in a very serious voice, "Where is God?" The boy's mouth dropped open, but he said nothing. The clergyman asked again, a little louder: "Where is God?" Still no answer. Then the clergyman leaned...

Learn English With Jokes • Ret's ESL Jokes ☀ / ☾ theme Learn English With Jokes Seán, His Mom, His Pop Intermediate · Past Simple · Present Simple ✦ Survolez les mots en ambre pour voir les définitions en français. Seán was 34 years old and still single CÉLIBATAIRE . One evening, his friend Ciarán asked, " How is it you're not married yet COMMENT SE FAIT-IL QUE TU NE SOIS PAS ENCORE MARIÉ ? ? Have you not found a woman who'd make a good wife FEMME / ÉPOUSE ?" Seán sighed SOUPIRA and said, " To be fair POUR ÊTRE HONNÊTE / FRANC , my friend, I've met lots of BEAUCOUP DE women I wanted to marry. But every time I bring one home to meet my parents, my mother can't stand SUPPORTER / PIFRER her." Ciarán thought for...

Learn English With Jokes • Ret's ESL Jokes ☀ / ☾ theme Learn English With Jokes Heaven & Hell Intermediate · Past Simple · Vocabulary Building ✦ Survolez ou tapez sur les mots en ambre pour voir les définitions en français. A man asked DEMANDA God: "God, what is heaven LE PARADIS (LIEU PARFAIT OÙ VONT LES GENS BONS APRÈS LA MORT) like?" God replied, "In heaven LE PARADIS , the cooks CUISINIERS (PERSONNES QUI PRÉPARENT LA NOURRITURE) are French, the mechanics MÉCANICIENS (PERSONNES QUI RÉPARENT LES VOITURES) are German, the policemen POLICIERS (PERSONNES QUI FONT RESPECTER LA LOI) are British, the lovers AMANTS (PERSONNES ROMANTIQUES OU PASSIONNÉES) are Italian, and everything is organised by the Swiss." The man then aske...