Learn English With Jokes ✦ Mostly Absurd
Learn English With Jokes
Mostly Absurd
Intermediate · Mostly Absurd · Puns & Wordplay
✦
Survolez les mots en ambre pour voir les définitions en français.
Did you hear about the Italian chefCUISINIER who died?
Yeah... he pasta-wayJEU DE MOTS: "passed away" (décédé) → "pasta-way" (pâtes).
Two friends are robbingDÉVALISANT a liquor storeMAGASIN D'ALCOOL, and as they are clearing the shelvesVIDANT LES RAYONS, the first one asks: "is this whiskeyWHISKY?"
His friend replies: "Sure, but not as wiskyJEU DE MOTS : « whisky (-> risky) » prononcé avec un zozotement as wobbing a bankJEU DE MOTS : « robbing a bank » prononcé avec un zozotement!"
This guy is arguing with his girlfriendEST EN TRAIN DE SE DISPUTER AVEC SA COPINE: "Hey, everyone peesFAIT PIPI in the pool!"
"Not from the diving boardPLONGEOIR," she says.
Two cannibalsCANNIBALES are sitting around a campfire. One of them says: "God, I hate my mother-in-lawBELLE-MÈRE."
His friend says, "Well thenEH BIEN ALORS... try the carrotsCAROTTES!"
Light travels faster than soundLA LUMIÈRE VA PLUS VITE QUE LE SON...,
which is why some people appear brightSEMBLENT INTELLIGENTS (AUSSI "LUMINEUX") until you hear them speak.
Billy and Jimmy get their final test marksNOTES D’EXAMEN... and find out they failed Sex-EdÉDUCATION SEXUELLE.
Jimmy says: I'm so upset I could kick Ms Jenkins in the nutsARGOT POUR « TESTICULES »!
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a footPIED (AUSSI UNITÉ DE MESURE = 30 CM)!
When I told my doctor that I broke my armME SUIS CASSÉ LE BRAS in two places...
He told me to stop going to those places.
Scientists recently discovered a food that greatly reduces sex driveLIBIDO / DÉSIR SEXUEL.
It's called wedding cakeGÂTEAU DE MARIAGE.
I used to play piano by earÀ L'OREILLE (SANS PARTITION) — JEU DE MOTS AVEC LE SENS LITTÉRAL.
But now I use my handsMAINS — LE SENS LITTÉRAL DE "BY EAR" CRÉE L'HUMOUR.
How do you know if there's a monsterMONSTRE under your bed?
Your head is touching the ceilingPLAFOND.
There are two types of people in this worldMONDE...:
those who can work with incomplete informationINFORMATION INCOMPLÈTE.
What did the fish say when he swam intoEN NAGEANT CONTRE a wall?
"DamJEU DE MOTS : "dam" (barrage) — prononcé comme "damn" (zut)!"
What did the duck say to the shopkeeper?
"GimmeFAMILIER : DONNE-MOI (contraction de "give me") a lipstickROUGE À LÈVRES. Put it on my billJEU DE MOTS : "bill" (bec de canard) → mais aussi "facture"."
What do you give your girlfriend when you want to see if she's ticklishCHATOUILLEUSE?
A test tickleJEU DE MOTS: "testicle" (couille) → "test tickle" (chatouille d'essai).
Why did the tomato blushROUGIR?
It saw the salad dressingVINAIGRETTE (AUSSI "LA SALADE S'HABILlER).
Why can’t you hear a pterodactylPTÉRODACTYLE go to the bathroom?
Because its peePIPI (JEU DE MOTS AVEC "PTERODACTYL" — LE "P" EST SILENCIEUX) is silent.
Did you hear about the guy who invented LifeSaversBONBONS EN FORME DE ROND (JEU DE MOTS AVEC "SAVE" = SAUVER)?
They say he made a mintJEU DE MOTS: "mint" (menthe) → "made a mint" (→ a fait fortune).
Two cows are standing in a meadowPRÉ | PRAIRIE. The first cow turns to the second and says, “Have you heard about the mad cow diseaseMALADIE DE LA VACHE FOLLE that’s going around? I’m pretty worried about it.”
The second cow looks at him and replies, “Yeah. It’s a good thing we’re penguinsMANCHOTS.”
What's the best way to destroy a circusCIRQUE?
Go for the jugglerJONGLEUR (JEU DE MOTS: "jugular" = jugulaire).
Two men walk into a barJEU DE MOTS : "bar" (pub) + "barre"...
The third one ducksSE BAISSE - il évite la barre.
📘 Key Vocabulary
📖 Grammar Points
1. Present simple for general truths and observations
Most of these one-liners use present simple because they express general truths, definitions, or timeless observations. For example: "Light travels faster than sound", "Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?". This is perfect for jokes because they remain true whenever you say them. Learners can see how English speakers use present simple for universal statements, not just for actions happening now.
2. Past simple for narrative jokes
Some jokes use past simple to tell a short story: "Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?", "Two friends are robbing" (present continuous for the scene), "I used to play piano by ear". This helps students see how English uses different tenses to set up a joke and deliver the punchline.
3. Present perfect for recent events
"Scientists recently discovered" uses the present perfect to introduce a new discovery. In French, this is similar to "ont récemment découvert".
4. Wordplay and puns
Many of these jokes rely on homophones (words that sound the same) or double meanings: "pasta-way", "foot", "bill", "mint", "dam". This is a great way for students to learn about English pronunciation and the many meanings of common words.
🔁 Synonyms & Alternatives
These alternatives fit the conversational tone: “stealing from a liquor store” or “sensitive to tickling”.
💬 Mini Dialogue
Context: Two friends, Thabo and Lerato, are sharing their favourite one-liners during a lunch break.
Thabo: "I love this one: 'Did you hear about the Italian chefCUISINIER who died? He pasta-wayJEU DE MOTS.'"
Lerato: "That's terrible! Here's another: 'Two men walk into a bar... The third one duckedS'EST BAISSÉ.'"
Thabo: "And this one about the fish: 'What did the fish say when he swam into a wall? "DamJEU DE MOTS!"'"
Lerato: "My favourite is the penguin one: 'Two cows are standing in a meadow. The first cow says, "I'm worried about mad cow disease." The second says, "It's a good thing we're penguinsMANCHOTS."'"
Uses present simple for jokes and definitions, past simple for narrative setup, and vocabulary items integrated naturally.
© — This blog collects and shares light-hearted jokes that have been passed along by word of mouth. I do not claim ownership of any of them. You are welcome to copy, share, or tell them at weddings, dinner parties, your braai, or bar mitzvah. If you have a favourite clean joke, drop it in the comments and we may, if it's really good, feature it here. Check out our Privacy Policy. Also visit po-re-li.blogspot.com.
Comments