Ret's ESL Jokes

Wednesday 4 March 2020

lawyer's fee

𝔸 man goes to his lawyer's: "What is your fee?"

The lawyer says: "It's €1 000 for 3 questions."

Man: "Wow! Isn't that a bit too expensive?"

Lawyer: "Yes, it is. So what's your third question?"

The apostrophe attached to a name means "chez". For example, "I'm at the butcher's" means "Je suis chez le boucher". It works the same way with proper names, which is why this blog is called Ret's ESL Jokes.

Friday 28 February 2020

aunts

My old aunts would come and tease me at weddings: "Well Joanna? Do you think you’ll be next?" They stopped doing this when I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

To tease is the same word we use to describe sexy or dirty dancing: to strip tease.

genie

Three guys stranded on a desert island find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he find himself back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says to the genie: 'I'm too lonely. I wish my friends were back here.'

Very well-known joke

snail

𝔸 guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock on the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the veranda. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

Three years later there's a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: 'What the hell was that all about?'

"What the hell..." is used to to express shock or anger, as in this example: "What the hell do you want?" Or: "What the hell did you say?"

boss

𝕄y boss arrived at work in a brand-new Lamborghini.

"Wow," I said. "That’s an amazing car."

He replied, "If you work hard, put all your hours in, and strive for excellence, I'll get another one next year."

Brand-new means so new that it still smells the shop. I imagine that this word comes from the fact that something is so new that it still has the tag of its brand on it.