in town

𝔸n Amish husband, his wife and their son travel to the city one day. They visit a shopping mall and while the mother is shopping, the father and son in front of a lift, without knowing what it is.

As they are standing with their mouths open, an elderly lady walks into the automatic silver doors and the doors close. The father and son watch as the numbers go up, and then back down. When the doors open, a beautiful, young woman walks out. The father looks at his son and says: "Son, go get your mother!"

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illness

Doctor: "I'm sorry, but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only ten to live."

Patient: "What do you mean, ten... ten what? Months? Weeks? Days?"

Doctor: "Nine..."

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It seems to me that the word illness is the most serious when we speak about a malady. I'd say that, from least serious to most serious they are ailment (a headache) ↗ sickness (the flu) ↗ illness (cancer).

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irish fishermen

𝕋wo Irish guys are fishing. The first guy reels in his line and sees that he's caught an old bottle.

As he's taking it off the hook, a genie comes out and promises to grant him one wish.

"Turn the lake into beer," he says.

The genie goes "Poof!" and the lake instantly becomes beer. He says to his friend: "So, what do you think?"

The other guy says, "You idiot! Now we've got to piss in the boat."

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We almost always use the verb "grant" when talking about a wish. Synonyms of "grant" are: give, allow, present, award.

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