ESL JOKES

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer Piet came home from university HIGHER EDUCATION SCHOOL AFTER HIGH SCHOOL in tears. "Ma, am I adopted TAKEN INTO A FAMILY THAT IS NOT BIOLOGICALLY YOURS ?" "Of course not," his ma replied. "Why would you think such a thing?" Piet showed her his genealogy FAMILY HISTORY AND ANCESTRY DNA test results — he was no match for any of his relatives FAMILY MEMBERS but a strong match for a family living on the city's other side. Shocked, his mother called her husband. "Liefie, Piet has done a DNA test, and... and... I don't know how to say this... he may not be our son." "Well, obviously CLEARLY OR WITHOUT DOUBT !" the father replied. "What do you mean?" she asked. "It was your idea in the fi...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer A taxi passenger PERSON WHO RIDES IN A VEHICLE tapped TAP: TO TOUCH LIGHTLY the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed THE DRIVER SHOUTED LOUDLY IN FEAR , lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up onto a footpath PAVEMENT OR SIDEWALK , and stopped inches from a shop window. For a second, everything was quiet in the cab TAXI . Then the driver said, "Look, mate FRIEND, PAL , don't ever do that again. You scared the living daylights out of me YOU FRIGHTENED ME A LOT !" The passenger apologised and said, "I didn't realise that a little tap A LIGHT TOUCH would frighten you MAKE YOU AFRAID so much." The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driv...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer A politician PERSON WHO WORKS IN GOVERNMENT dies and finds himself standing before the pearly gates THE ENTRANCE TO HEAVEN IN CHRISTIAN BELIEF . Saint Peter THE GATEKEEPER OF HEAVEN IN CHRISTIAN BELIEF informs him that he must spend one day in hell PLACE OF ETERNAL SUFFERING . “It’s a requirement SOMETHING THAT MUST BE DONE for people in your line of work,” he explains. Terrified, the politician tries to charm his way out of it TO USE FLATTERY TO AVOID SOMETHING , but Saint Peter remains unmoved. With a sigh A LONG, DEEP BREATH TO SHOW EMOTION , he pushes the man through the clouds, sending him tumbling into hell. The politician wakes up in a luxurious hotel room, the scent of bacon in the air and the sound of ocean waves crashing outside. A butler A PERSON WHO SERVES IN A HOUSE OR HOTEL ente...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer 𝔸n engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates PORTES DU PARADIS . St. Peter checks his file DOSSIER and says, "Aha, you're an engineer—you're assigned ASSIGNÉ ↔ AFFECTÉ to hell." So the engineer reports to the smoking FUMANTES gates of hell and is let in. Before long, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of accommodation L'HÉBERGEMENT and starts designing and making improvements. Pretty soon TRÈS VITE , they’ve got air conditioning LA CLIMATISATION , flush toilets, lifts ASCENSEURS , and so on, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day, God calls Satan on...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer An American businessman was at the pier JETÉE of a small coastal Mexican village, when a small boat with just one fisherman docked AMARRÉ . Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna THON ALBACORE . The American complimented the fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The fisherman replied that it only took a little while. The American then asked why the man didn't stay out longer and catch more fish. The fisherman said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs. The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?" The fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, have a siesta with my wife, Maria...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer A fellow MEC walked into a doctor’s office and the receptionist asked him what he had. He said, " Shingles ZONA ." So she took down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat. A few minutes later a nurse’s aid came out and asked him what he had. He said, "Shingles." So she took down his height, weight, asked him about habits, and told him to wait in the examining room. Ten minutes later a nurse came in and asked him what he had. He said, "Shingles." So she performed a blood draw PRISE DE SANG , a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, told him to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor. Fifteen m...