ESL JOKES

Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer Two lawyers PEOPLE WHO PRACTISE LAW walk into a pub INFORMAL WORD FOR A BAR OR TAVERN . They order a couple of drinks and take their sandwiches FOOD MADE WITH TWO SLICES OF BREAD AND A FILLING out of their briefcases FLAT CASES USED FOR CARRYING DOCUMENTS OR WORK MATERIAL and then they begin to eat them. Seeing this, the angry publican OWNER OR MANAGER OF A PUB exclaims, “Excuse me, but you can’t eat your own sandwiches in here!” The two lawyers look at each other, shrug their shoulders LIFT THEIR SHOULDERS TO SHOW THEY DON'T CARE OR DON’T KNOW , and then exchange GIVE EACH OTHER SOMETHING IN RETURN sandwiches. Let's look at these three: publican , shrug their shoulders , and exchange . A publican is the owner or manager of a pub. When you shrug your shoulders , you lift them to show you don’t care, don’t know, or don’t mi...

Joke with Tooltips Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer Trevor pulls up a stool SITS ON A HIGH CHAIR AT A BAR at his favourite pub and announces, “My wife Lerato must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!” “What makes you say that?” the bartender PERSON WHO SERVES DRINKS IN A PUB OR BAR asks. Trevor explains, “Last week I had to take a few sick days DAYS OFF WORK DUE TO ILLNESS . Lerato was so happy to have me at home that every time the postman SOMEONE WHO DELIVERS THE MAIL or the milkman PERSON WHO DELIVERS MILK TO HOMES came by, she’d run down the driveway, waving and shouting, ‘My husband’s home! My husband’s home!’” Let's look at these three: pulls up a stool , sick days , and milkman . When you pull up a stool , you take a seat at a bar. Sick days are time off work when you're unwe...

Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer The private jet had taken off quite typically IN A USUAL OR NORMAL WAY and had been flying for a while when suddenly one of the engines popped MADE A SUDDEN LOUD NOISE . The plane went into a loop A CIRCULAR MOVEMENT IN THE AIR , then lost altitude. Flames were now visible from the bad engine. “Mayday! Mayday!” the pilot screamed SHOUTED VERY LOUDLY, USUALLY IN FEAR OR PANIC into his mic. “May Day!” No answer. The aircraft went into another loop and started trembling SHAKING SLIGHTLY BECAUSE OF FEAR, WEAKNESS, OR INSTABILITY . The smell of smoke had by now infested SPREAD UNPLEASANTLY THROUGHOUT the cabin. The pilot held on and after a few explosions SUDDEN AND VIOLENT BURSTS in the rear, managed to land the private jet at Mcghee Tyson Airport, the nearest airport. Midgets OUTDATED, OFFENSIVE TERM FOR VERY SHORT PEOPLE started coming down th...

Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer Woman: If we got engaged IF WE PROMISED TO MARRY to be married, would you give me a ring? Man: Yes, of course. If I knew your number. Two birds were sitting in a tree as a jet plane passed overhead IN THE SKY ABOVE . "Look at the speed of that bird!" said the younger bird. The older bird replied, "If your tail ANIMAL'S REAR BODY APPENDAGE was on fire, you'd go that fast too." Fish A: " How the hell INFORMAL FOR 'HOW ON EARTH' did we end up in this aquarium?" Fish B: "Well, if we had kept our mouths shut, we wouldn’t have been caught." A woman woke up in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from the bed. But in the quietness SILENCE of the house, she could hear sounds downstairs. So she put on a robe DRESSING GOWN , went downstairs, and looked around, but sti...

Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer I was dining with my mother-in-law MOTHER OF HUSBAND OR WIFE one evening, when I made the oddest STRANGEST OR MOST UNUSUAL Freudian slip UNINTENTIONAL WORD MISTAKE THAT REVEALS TRUE FEELINGS of my entire life! I meant to say, ‘Please pass the butter.’” “And what did you say instead?” his friend inquired ASKED (FORMAL WORD) , clearly interested. “What actually came out of my mouth was, ‘You ruined my life, you old hag OLD, UNATTRACTIVE, UNKIND WOMAN ! hag ’” 🔍 Vocabulary Let's look at these three: Freudian slip , oddest , and inquired . I once called my teacher “mum” — a classic Freudian slip ! (an unconscious error revealing true feelings) That was the oddest meal I’ve ever had — the soup was purple. ( oddest = strangest) She inquired about the time of the next meeting. ( inquired = formally asked) ...

Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer Two beginning English students went to Honolulu on holiday. Soon they began to argue DISAGREE LOUDLY OR STRONGLY about the correct way to pronounce the word "Hawaii." One student insisted that it's Hawaii, with a "w" sound. The other student said it was pronounced like "Havaii," with a "v" sound. Finally, they saw NOTICED OR LOOKED AT an old native on the beach SANDY AREA NEXT TO THE SEA , and asked him which was correct. The old man said it's "Havaii." The student who was right CORRECT OR NOT WRONG was very happy, and thanked the old man. The old man said "you're velcome." Let's look at these three: insisted , pronounced , and velcome (joke spelling) . She insisted on paying for the meal, even though it was his birthday. The word “colonel” is pronounced very d...