ESL JOKES

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer. A woman got on a bus, holding a baby. The bus driver said, “That’s the ugliest le bébé le plus moche baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman slammed claqua her money down and went to sit at the back of the bus. The man next to her sensed a senti that she was upset and asked her what was wrong. “That bus driver just insulted me m’a insultée ,” she fumed fulmina . The man sympathised and said, “Why, he’s a public servant fonctionnaire and shouldn’t say things like that to passengers.” “You’re right,” she said. “I think I’ll go back there and give him a piece of my mind lui dire ses quatre vérités .” “That’s a good idea,” the man said. “Here, let me hold tenir your monkey.” Vocabulary Ugliest: extremely unattractive. Public servant: a person employed by the state. Fumed: ...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer. Husband : "When I get mad FÂCHÉ at you, you never fight back CONTRE-ATTAQUER . How do you control your anger COLÈRE ?" Wife : " I clean JE NETTOIE the toilet." Husband : "And how does that help AIDER ?" Wife : " I use J’UTILISE your toothbrush BROSSE À DENTS ." Vocabulary Mad: angry or annoyed. Fight back: to defend oneself or respond aggressively. Toothbrush: a small brush used for cleaning teeth. He got mad FÂCHÉ when the team lost. She didn’t fight back CONTRE-ATTAQUER during the argument. Leave your toothbrush BROSSE À DENTS in the bathroom. Grammar We use the present simple for habits, routines and general truths. Direct speech is introduced without a reporting verb when it continues a conversation. Present simple (habits): ...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer. A week after arriving back home DE RETOUR CHEZ LUI in the States, a guy wakes SE RÉVEILLA one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots DES TACHES VERTES ET VIOLETTES ÉCLATANTES . Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests PRESCRIVIT DES ANALYSES and tells the man to return in two days for the results. Two days later, the doctor tells him, “I’ve got bad news DE MAUVAISES NOUVELLES for you. You have contracted Mongolian VD LA MALADIE VÉNÉRIENNE MONGOLE . It’s very rare and almost unheard of INCONNUE here in the U.S. We know very little about it.” The man, perplexed, asks, “Well, can’t you give me a shot UNE PIQÛRE or something to fix me up POUR ME GUÉRIR , Doc?” The doctor answers, “I’m sorry. There’s no known cure IL N’Y A PAS DE REM...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer. A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his throat S’ÉCLAIRCIT LA GORGE to address the crowd LA FOULE of drinkers. He says, “I hear you Irish are a bunch of UNE BANDE DE hard drinkers. I’ll give €500 to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of 10 PINTES DE Guinness back-to-back À LA SUITE .” The room falls quiet SE TUT and no one takes up the Texan’s offer. One man even gets up and leaves SE LÈVE ET PART . Thirty minutes later, the same man returns, taps TAPOTE the Texan on the shoulder ÉPAULE , and asks, “ Is your bet still good VOTRE PARI TIENT TOUJOURS ?” The Texan says “yes” and asks the bartender BARMAN to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately, the Irishman tears into them S’Y ATTÈLE , drinking all 10 pints back-to-back. The other pub patrons CLIENTS cheer ACCLAMENT as the Texan sits in amazement ÉBAHI . He han...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer. A lady approaches a priest and shyly TIMIDEMENT tells him, “Father, I have a problem. I have these two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing. They just keep saying, ‘Hi, we’re horny EN CHALEUR … Do you want to have sex with us?’” “That’s terrible!” says the priest. “But I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two parrots to my house tomorrow. I’ll put them with my two male parrots to whom À QUI I have taught prayer and bible study. My parrots will then teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible filth SALETÉ , and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship ADORER ↔ RENDRE GRÂCE À the good Lord.” So the next day, the lady takes her two female parrots to the priest’s house. The priest’s two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female parrots in with the male ...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer. A little old lady had an appointment UN RENDEZ-VOUS with a proctologist PROCTOLOGUE . The doctor carried out A EFFECTUÉ the examination and then PUIS discussed the results with her. He ended by asking, “Do you have any questions for me, Mrs Jenkins?” The lady looked at him haughtily AVEC UN AIR HAUTAIN and replied, “Yes. Does your mother know what you do for a living COMME MÉTIER ?” Vocabulary Appointment: a scheduled meeting. Proctologist: a doctor specialising in rectal disorders. Haughtily: in a proud or superior manner. Grammar Past simple: used for completed actions in the past. Direct speech: exact words spoken, shown in quotation marks. Synonyms & Alternatives Haughtily: arrogantly, disdainfully Appointment: meeting, consultation Mini Dialogu...