ESL JOKES

Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer A bloke INFORMAL WORD FOR MAN goes over to his friend's house and rings the bell PRESSES THE DOORBELL . Emily, the wife, answers the door. “Hi, is Mark home?” “No, he’s gone to the shop.” “Well, do you mind DO YOU OBJECT / IS IT A PROBLEM if I wait?” “No, come in.” They sit down and David says, “You know, Emily, you have the most amazing breasts WOMAN'S CHEST ↔ BOSOM I’ve ever seen. I’d give you I WOULD PAY YOU a hundred bucks INFORMAL FOR RAND OR DOLLARS OR EUROS if I could just see one.” | Emily thinks about this for a moment and figures DECIDES ↔ CALCULATES , what the hell WHY NOT ↔ WHAT'S THE HARM – a hundred rand is a hundred rand. She opens her robe LOOSE GARMENT WORN AT HOME and shows him one. David promptly IMMEDIATELY ↔ WITHOUT DELAY thanks her and th...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer One day, a father finished work and, on his way home, suddenly remembered that it was his daughter’s birthday. He rushed HURRIED to a toy shop and asked the salesperson: “How much for one of those Barbies in the display window SHOP WINDOW ?” The salesperson replied: “Which one do you mean, Sir? We have Work Out Barbie for €19.95, Shopping Barbie for €19.95, Beach Barbie for €19.95, Disco Barbie for €19.95, Ballerina Barbie for €19.95, Astronaut Barbie for €19.95, Skater Barbie for €19.95, and Divorced Barbie for €199.95.” The astonished VERY SURPRISED father asked: “How much?! Why is the Divorced Barbie €199.95 and the others only €19.95?” The exasperated salesperson sighed THE SALESPERSON, VERY ANNOYED, SIGHED and answered: “Sir, the other Barbies only come with an outfit A SET OF CLOTHES . Divorced Barbie comes ...

Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer Schwarzenegger, Quasimodo, and Lupita Nyong'o were sitting in a pub, chatting over drinks. Schwarzy said, “ I bet you I’M SURE OR I BELIEVE I’m the strongest person in the world.” Quasimodo said, “I’m so ugly NOT GOOD LOOKING , I reckon THINK OR BELIEVE I’m the ugliest MOST NOT GOOD LOOKING person alive.” Lupita Nyong'o said, “Everyone says I’m beautiful, so I bet I’M SURE OR I BELIEVE I’m the most beautiful person in the world.” Schwarzenegger said, “Let’s find out DISCOVER . Let’s all go down to the Guinness World Records Office, and we’ll meet up SEE EACH OTHER later to show our certificates.” So they all went down to the Guinness World Records Office. Later, Lupita Nyong'o was sitting in the pub when Schwarzenegger walked in. Schwarzy proudly held up his certificate and said, “Look, it’s official – I’m the strongest person in the world!” Lupita h...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer A man walks into a petshop A SHOP THAT SELLS PETS and says to the owner, "I'd like a talking parrot A COLOURFUL BIRD THAT CAN MIMIC HUMAN SPEECH ." The shop owner replies, "Ah, I've got just the thing!" He brings out three parrots, perched side by side SITTING CLOSE TO EACH OTHER ON A BAR . The first parrot is priced at €460. The man asks, "Why is it so expensive COSTING A LOT OF MONEY ?" The owner explains, "This parrot knows how to use a computer, manage spreadsheets TABLES FOR DATA, USUALLY IN EXCEL , and type WRITE USING A KEYBOARD 80 words p...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer At a wedding MARIAGE , a little boy looks at his mum MAMAN and says, " Mummy MAMAN , why does the bride LA MARIÉE wear white?" His mother replies, "The bride LA MARIÉE is in white because she's very happy CONTENTE and this is the happiest day of her life." The boy thinks about this, and then says, "Well, then why is the groom LE MARIÉ wearing black...?" 🔍 Vocabulary In this joke, let's look at these: bride , groom , and wedding . A bride is the woman getting married. A groom is the man getting married. A wedding is the ...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer My grandfather THE FATHER OF YOUR MUM OR DAD died peacefully, in his sleep... ...not screaming SHOUTING LOUDLY IN FEAR OR PAIN like the passengers in his car. NB: I don't know about you... but this simple joke just cracks me up MAKES ME LAUGH A LOT . 🔍 Vocabulary Let's look at these: screaming and cracks me up . Screaming means shouting loudly, usually because of fear or pain. Cracks me up is an informal way to say "makes me laugh a lot." The children were screaming on the rollercoaster. That comedian always cracks me up . 📘 Grammar This joke uses the past simple tense to describe completed actions in the past, such as died and screaming . It also uses contrast for co...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer God visited a woman and told her that she would have to give up STOP DOING SOMETHING smoking, drinking, swearing USING RUDE OR OFFENSIVE WORDS , and sex, if she wanted to get into heaven WHERE GOOD PEOPLE GO AFTER DEATH . The woman said she would try her best. A week later, God visited again to see how she was getting on TO CHECK HER PROGRESS . "Three out of four ain't IS NOT (INFORMAL ENGLISH) bad," she said. "I've stopped drinking, swearing USING BAD, OFFENSIVE WORDS and smoking, but..." "I bent over LEANED FORWARD FROM THE WAIST the freezer COLD STORAGE BOX FOR FOOD to get some stuff UNNAMED THINGS ↔ TRUCS out when my skirt rode up MY SKIRT ...