ESL JOKES

Learn English With Jokes Passez la souris ou touchez les mots soulignés pour voir la traduction. A man walked into an ice cream shop and ordered a chocolate cone. “I’m sorry, sir,” the clerk LE VENDEUR said politely. “We’re out of EN RUPTURE DE chocolate.” “Oh, that’s unfortunate C'EST DOMMAGE . In that case, I’ll have a chocolate cone with sprinkles DES VERMICELLES .” “I apologise, sir, but as I mentioned, we’re out of chocolate.” “Alright then, how about ET POURQUOI PAS a chocolate-vanilla twist?” The clerk paused and leaned forward slightly SE PENCHA LÉGÈREMENT . “Let me ask you something. How do you spell the ‘van’ in ‘vanilla’?” “V-a-n.” “Good. We’re on the same page ON EST D'ACCORD . And how do you spell the ‘straw’ in ‘strawberry’?” “S-t-r-a-w.” “Excellent. Now, how do you spell the ‘fuck’ in ‘chocolate’?” The man frowned FRONÇA LES SOURCILS . “There i...

Learn English With Jokes Passez la souris ou touchez les mots soulignés pour voir la traduction. An aeroplane is preparing to land S'APPRÊTAIT À ATTERRIR . The pilot and his co-pilot spot the runway APERÇURENT LA PISTE and are instantly horrified. “But it’s tiny MINUSCULE !! We’ll never be able to land on a runway that short AUSSI COURTE ! We’re all going to die! They’re insane for building something this small!” The tension rises LA TENSION MONTA . The plane descends. At the very last possible moment, it screeches to a stop IL S'ARRÊTA DANS UN CRISSEMENT right at the very end of the runway. Sweating EN SUEUR but relieved SOULAGÉ , the pilot exclaims S'EXCLAMA , “That runway was really, really short!” The co-pilot looks to the right, then to the left, and replies, “Yeah… but wow, was it WIDE QU'EST-CE QU'ELLE ÉTAIT LARGE !” Vocabulary Spot: to catch sight of or notice some...

Learn English With Jokes Passez la souris ou touchez les mots soulignés pour voir la traduction. Two hunters were out in the woods DANS LES BOIS when one of them suddenly collapses S'EFFONDRA . He isn’t breathing NE RESPIRAIT PLUS , and his eyes are glassy VITREUX and unfocused. Panicking, the other hunter pulls out SORTIT his phone and calls emergency services LES SECOURS . “My friend’s dead MORT !” he shouts. “What should I do?” The operator OPÉRATRICE replies calmly, “ Take a deep breath PRENEZ UNE GRANDE INSPIRATION . I can help. First, let’s make sure ASSURONS-NOUS he’s actually VRAIMENT dead.” There’s a brief silence. Then a gunshot rings out UN COUP DE FEU RETENTIT . The hunter comes back on the line AU TÉLÉPHONE and says, “ Okay. Now what? BON. ET MAINTENANT ? ” Vocabulary Collapse: to fall down suddenly (often from illness or shock). Glassy: (of e...

Learn English With Jokes Passez la souris ou touchez les mots soulignés pour voir la traduction. A man and his girlfriend die in a car accident and met Saint Peter SAINT PIERRE at the gates of Heaven LES PORTES DU PARADIS . Peter says: “Welcome to Heaven! Do you have any questions?” The man replies: “Yes. My girlfriend and I never had the chance N’AVIONS JAMAIS EU L’OCCASION to get married while we were alive. Can we get married in Heaven?” Peter says: “That’s a good question. I’ll come back when I have the answer.” Left at the gates, the couple starts talking about love and how long eternity is COMBIEN L’ÉTERNITÉ EST LONGUE . Six weeks later, Peter returns and says: “Okay, I got the answer. Yes, you can get married in Heaven. Come on in and enjoy eternity together.” The couple then says: “We have another question. Eternity is really long, and we’re n...

Learn English With Jokes Passez la souris ou touchez les mots soulignés pour voir la traduction. There once was a farmer who had two horses, but for the life of him POUR TOUTE SA VIE / QUOI QU'IL FASSE he could never tell them apart LES DISTINGUER / LES RECONNAÎTRE L'UN DE L'AUTRE . Finally, he decided to go over to his neighbour’s place LA MAISON DE SON VOISIN to ask for some advice. The neighbour, Alfred, replied: " Good grief MON DIEU / BON SANG , Marcel! Just cut the mane LA CRINIÈRE off one of them horses, for heaven's sake NOM D'UN CHIEN / SAPRISTI !" So, the farmer went home and cut the mane off one of the horses. But two weeks later, the hair had grown right back REPOUSSÉ COMPLÈTEMENT . Marcel headed back RETOURNA to his neighbour’s house, frustrated. Alfred looked at him and barked ABOYA / S'ÉCRIA : "Listen here, Marcel! Just measure their necks, darn it SAP...

Learn English With Jokes Passez la souris ou touchez les mots soulignés pour voir la traduction. "Bob," whispered MURMURA the bedridden CLOUÉ AU LIT young man, "I—I—I just can't die MOURIR without telling you what a lousy MINABLE partner I've been to you. "I embezzled AI DÉTOURNÉ more than a million dollars from the firm. I made a million EN AI GAGNÉ UN MILLION more by selling our best secrets to the competition, and just to be spiteful RANCUNIER , I fired AI RENVOYÉ the new receptionist because I knew you were sleeping with COUCHAIS AVEC her." "That's OK," said Bob with a smile. "I'm the one who poisoned you." Vocabulary Embezzle: to steal money placed in one's trust or belonging to the organisation one works for. Spiteful: showing or caused by malice or a desire to harm, annoy, or offend someone. The partner admi...