ESL JOKES

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer. Three drunks IVROGNES arrived at the railway station moments before the train was due to depart. Seeing their incapacity INCAPACITÉ , the kind station-master assisted to bundle them LES EMBARQUER SANS MÉNAGEMENT into the carriage. He managed to A RÉUSSI À get two of them aboard just in time, before the train pulled out SORTIR DE | QUITTER LA GARE . He turned apologetically D'UN AIR CONTRIT to the one left behind. “I’m sorry, old chap MON VIEUX ,” he said. “I wish I could have got you on the train as well.” “Yes,” replied the third drunk. “My mates will be very sorry too. They came to see me off M'ACCOMPAGNER ↔ VENIR ME DIRE AU REVOIR .” Vocabulary Drunks: refers to people who are intoxicated by alcohol. Bundle: means to hurriedly or roughly push or place someone ...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer. During a dinner between two couples in their fifties, one husband keeps calling his wife by little pet names PETITS SURNOMS such as “darling, my love, sweetie…” At the end of the meal, the other husband, astonished ÉTONNÉ , asks him privately: “ Say, listen DIS DONC , how do you manage, after AU BOUT DE 30 years of marriage, to keep calling your wife like that?!” And the other replies: “Well, in fact EN FAIT , it’s because I don’t dare JE N’OSE PAS tell her, you see… I’ve forgotten her first name PRÉNOM !” 🔍 Vocabulary In this joke, let’s examine little pet names , astonished , in fact , and first name . Little pet names: affectionate nicknames used for someone you love. Astonished: describes someone who is surprised or amazed. In fact: a phrase used to clari...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer. 𝔸 middle-aged woman had a heart attack CRISE CARDIAQUE and was rushed EMMENÉE D'URGENCE to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near-death experience EXPÉRIENCE DE MORT IMMINENTE . Seeing God she asked " Is my time up? SUIS-JE SUR LE POINT DE MOURIR ? " God answered, "No, you have another 30 years, 2 months and 11 days to live." When she recovered, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift LIFTING , liposuction, and a tummy tuck PLASTIE DU VENTRE . She even had someone come in and dye TEINDRE her hair blonde. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured ELLE S’EST DIT she might as well make the most of it EN PROFITER AU MAXIMUM . Following her last operation, she was discharged AUTORISÉE À SORTIR fro...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer. Scientists are doing an experiment on the human brain CERVEAU to see how much someone can function without SANS certain parts of it. They remove RETIRER half the brain CERVEAU and ask the subject to count to ten. He counts “one, three, five, seven, nine.” Fascinated, they put it back and remove RETIRER the other half, then ask him to count to ten again. He counts “two, four, six, eight, ten.” Finally, they remove RETIRER the entire brain CERVEAU and ask him to count to ten one more time. He says: “I can count to ten, I’m the best with numbers, I know numbers, I have the best numbers, in the news they say I can’t count, that’s wrong FAUX , they’re fake news, people, when they think about good numbers, I can count, with any numbers, all the time, better than China, better than anyone…” ?...