ESL JOKES

Learn English With Jokes Passez la souris ou touchez les mots soulignés pour voir la traduction. A woman went to visit her husband SON MARI in prison. They sat across from each other and talked for a long time. When the guard finally announced that visiting hours were over QUE L’HEURE DES VISITES ÉTAIT TERMINÉE , she stood up to leave. But just before reaching the door, she turned back to the correction officer SURVEILLANT PÉNITENTIAIRE . “You really shouldn’t make my husband work so hard,” she said angrily AVEC COLÈRE . “The poor man is completely exhausted!” The officer burst out laughing ÉCLATA DE RIRE . “Work? Ma’am MADAME , I don’t know what he’s been telling you, but all he does is eat, sleep, and sit in his cell DANS SA CELLULE . He doesn’t even go out to the yard LA COUR !” The wife’s face flushed with fury S’EMPORPRA DE COLÈRE . “ Don’t you lie to me NE ME MENS PAS !” she snappe...

Learn English With Jokes Passez la souris ou touchez les mots soulignés pour voir la traduction. Ben the post carrier FACTEUR is in love with a nun BONNE SŒUR | NONNE . He knows it is wrong to even think it, but he can’t help himself IL NE PUT S’EN EMPÊCHER . One particular day, as he boards MONTA a bus, Martha, the not-so-good-looking bus driver but his friend, asks him, “ Why the long face POURQUOI CETTE MINE , Ben?” “I’m in love with Sister Margaret even though I know she can’t even look at me. But I can’t stop thinking about her,” Ben moans SE LAMENTA . “I dream of making love to her.” Martha, the bus driver, thinks for a while and says to Ben, “I know how you can solve your problem.” “What do you mean?” Ben asks. “Well,” Martha the bus driver says, “everyone knows that on Tuesday nights at midnight Sister Margaret goes to the cemetery to pray. Tomorrow is Tuesday. Why don’t you dress up TE DÉGUISER as God and, w...

Learn English With Jokes Passez la souris ou touchez les mots soulignés pour voir la traduction. A Frenchman, an Italian, and a Russian all went to hell ALLÈRENT EN ENFER . The Frenchman asked the devil DIABLE , “Please, can I make one last phone call home? I want to see how my family is doing COMMENT ALLAIT MA FAMILLE .” The devil answered, “Of course. But it will cost you an extra thousand years in the fire.” The Frenchman agreed. When he called, he heard his wife sleeping with his brother. He started to cry. Next, the Italian said, “I also want to call home to check on my daughters POUR PRENDRE DES NOUVELLES DE MES FILLES .” “That will cost you another thousand years in the flames,” said the devil. “Okay,” said the Italian. When he called, he heard his daughters selling the family farm VENDANT LA FERME FAMILIALE . He began to cry too. Then the Russian said, “Now I want to call home.” He to...

Learn English With Jokes Passez la souris ou touchez les mots soulignés pour voir la traduction. A young man goes into a chemist’s PHARMACIE to buy condoms CAPOTES . The chemist tells him that the condoms come in packs of 3, 9, or 12, and asks which one the young man would like. “Well,” he says, “I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot CANON . I want the condoms because I think tonight's the night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I have a feeling I’m going to get lucky after that.” The chemist smiles wryly AVEC IRONIE . The young man continues, “Once she’s had me, she’ll want me all the time, so you’d better VOUS FERIEZ MIEUX DE give me the pack of 12.” He makes his purchase ACHAT and leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing BÉNÉDICITÉ , and they agree. He begin...

Learn English With Jokes Passez la souris ou touchez les mots soulignés pour voir la traduction. Two friends are talking. “ Do you believe CROIS-TU in life after death?” “No, I don’t. Do you?” “Well… I didn’t, but when my mother-in-law BELLE-MÈRE died, I became alive JE REDEVINS VIVANT again!” Vocabulary Believe in: to accept that something is real or true. Mother-in-law: the mother of one’s spouse. He asked if she believed in CRUT EN ghosts. His mother-in-law BELLE-MÈRE visited for the weekend. Grammar The joke contrasts belief in the present with a change caused by a past event. Present simple (belief or opinion): Do you believe in life after death? Past simple (completed past event): I didn’t believe before, but everything changed. Synonyms & Alternatives Believe in: trust in, accept....

Learn English With Jokes Passez la souris ou touchez les mots soulignés pour voir la traduction. A philosophy teacher entered the classroom to give his senior class their final exam. He placed a chair on his big mahogany desk BUREAU EN ACAJOU and said to the class, “Using everything you’ve learned in this class this year, prove to me that this chair doesn’t exist.” The students wasted no time. Pencils were scribbling and pages were turning. They sought CHERCHÈRENT arguments to prove the inexistence of the chair. Except for one student in the back row RANG . He spent thirty seconds writing his answer, then handed in his paper REMIT SON PAPIER and sat back down. Time passed, and the students finally received their final grades NOTES . There was shock all around when the student who had written for only thirty seconds received the highest grade in the class. His answer was simply: “What chair?” ...