ESL JOKES

Learn English With Jokes Passez la souris ou touchez les mots soulignés pour voir la traduction. You know you’re getting old when, in a hostage situation, you ’d probably be SÉRIEZ PROBABLEMENT the first one released. You and your teeth no longer NE DORMENT PLUS ENSEMBLE sleep together. Someone calls at 9 p.m. and asks, “Did I wake you?”—and the answer is yes. You start every other UNE SUR DEUX sentence with “Nowadays…” The clothes you stored away waiting for them to come back in style actually VRAIMENT do. The things you buy don’t wear out anymore NE S’USENT PLUS —they outlast SURVIVENT À you. There’s nothing left to learn the hard way. “Getting a little action” means you can skip SE PASSER DE the laxative, and “getting lucky” means finding your car in the parking lot PARKING . Happy hour is a nap UNE SIESTE , and the only thing you care to exercise is caution. You’re a 17 ar...

Learn English With Jokes Passez la souris ou touchez les mots soulignés pour voir la traduction. A husband and wife were sitting together on the couch CANAPÉ , quietly sipping SIROTAIENT wine while watching a film. The room was calm, and the soft glow DOUCE LUEUR of the television lit up their faces ILLUMINA LEURS VISAGES . After a few moments, the wife leans in slightly SE PENCHA LÉGÈREMENT and whispers MURMURA , “I love you.” The husband turned to her with a faint smile UN FAIBLE SOURIRE and asked, “Is that you talking, or is it the wine?” Without missing a beat SANS HÉSITER , she replied, “It’s me — talking to the wine.” Vocabulary Faint smile: a slight, subtle smile. Without missing a beat: immediately, without hesitation. He answered with a faint smile UN FAIBLE SOURIRE . Without missing a beat SANS HÉSITER , she corrected him. Gramma...

Learn English With Jokes Passez la souris ou touchez les mots soulignés pour voir la traduction. An aeroplane got a message on the PA system SYSTÈME DE SONORISATION PUBLIC : “Ladies and gentlemen, this is the captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 869, from New York to San Francisco. The weather ahead is good, and we should NOUS DEVRIONS have a smooth SANS HEURTS and uneventful SANS INCIDENT flight. Now sit back and relax… Oh sh*t! MERDE ALORS ! ” Silence followed, and after a few minutes the captain came back on the PA system SYSTÈME DE SONORISATION PUBLIC and said, “Ladies and gentlemen, I am sorry if I scared AI EFFRAYÉ you earlier TOUT À L’HEURE ; but while I was talking, the flight attendant AGENT DE BORD brought M’A APPORTÉ me a cup of coffee and spilled A RENVERSÉ the hot coffee in my lap GIRON . You should VOUS DEVRIEZ see the front of my trousers PANTALON !” A passe...

Learn English With Jokes Passez la souris ou touchez les mots soulignés pour voir la traduction. An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German stood together SE TENAIENT ENSEMBLE , watching an American street performer juggle JONGLER . The performer noticed REMARQUA that the four men did not have a very good view, so he climbed IL GRIMPA onto a wooden crate UNE CAISSE EN BOIS and called out LANÇA , “Can you all see me now?” “Yes.” “Oui.” “Sí.” “Ja.” Vocabulary Juggle: to keep several objects in the air by throwing and catching them. Notice: to become aware of something or someone. The performer noticed REMARQUA the poor view. He climbed GRIMPA onto a crate to juggle better. Grammar The joke uses past simple for the main narrative sequence of completed actions in storytelling, with present simple in dir...