ESL JOKES

Learn English With Jokes Passez la souris ou touchez les mots soulignés pour voir la traduction. Three old men are discussing their failing memories LA MÉMOIRE QUI FLANCHE . The first old man says, “Today I was at the top of the stairs EN HAUT DES ESCALIERS , and I couldn’t remember if I had just gone up or was about to go down SI JE VENAI[S] DE MONTER OU SI JE DEVAIS DESCENDRE .” The second old man says, “I was sitting at the edge of my bed and I couldn’t remember if I was about to sleep or had just woken up SI J’ALLAIS M’ENDORMIR OU SI JE VENAI[S] DE ME RÉVEILLER .” The third man scoffs RICANE and says, “ My memory is as good as ever MA MÉMOIRE EST AUSSI BONNE QU’AVANT , knock on wood TOUCHE DU BOIS .” With this he hits the table twice with his knuckle ARTICULATION DU DOIGT , looks up in surprise and yells CRIE “Who’s there?” Vocabulary Scoff: to mock or express scorn. ...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer. A man had been drinking heavily BUT EN BOIRE at a bar all night. By closing time À L'HEURE DE LA FERMETURE , he was so drunk IVRE that he suddenly vomited VOMIT all down the front of his shirt CHEMISE . Panicking, he looked down at the mess DÉGÂT and groaned GÉMIT , “Shit, I can’t go home like this. My wife will kill me.” The bartender BARMAN noticed his distress DÉTRESSE , leaned over SE PENCHA with a grin SOURIRE MALICIEUX and said, “Here’s what you do. Put a €20 note BILLET DE 20 € in your pocket. When your wife sees the vomit VOMI , just tell her some drunk guy puked on you VOMIT SUR TOI and gave you €20 for the dry cleaning NETTOYAGE À SEC .” The man thought it was brilliant. He tucked GLISSA the €20 into his pocket, steadied himself SE REDRESSA and staggered TITUBA home. As soon as he walked ...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer. Dad is listening to his daughter say her prayers RÉCITE SES PRIÈRES before bedtime. She says, “ God bless Mummy QUE DIEU BÉNISSE MAMAN , and God bless Daddy, and God bless Grandma, and… goodbye Grandpa.” He asks her, “Why did you say that?” “ I just felt like saying it J’AI EU JUSTE ENVIE DE LE DIRE ,” she replies. The next day, Grandpa drops dead MOURUT SUBITEMENT . Wow, thinks Dad. That’s an odd coincidence ÉTRANGE COÏNCIDENCE . A month later, at bedtime AU MOMENT DU COUCHER , the daughter says, “God bless Mummy and Daddy. And goodbye Grandma.” Sure enough COMME PRÉVU , the next day, Grandma breathes her last earthly breath SON DERNIER SOUFLE TERRESTRE . Dad realises this is more than a coincidence, but he is unsure what to do. He doesn’t want to disturb his wife after all A...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer. A woman was walking home with her three young daughters, enjoying a peaceful evening stroll PROMENADE . The eldest AÎNÉE daughter looked up at her mother and asked sweetly DOUCEMENT , “Mummy, how did I get my name?” Her mother smiled and replied RÉPONDIT , “Well, sweetie MA CHÉRIE , when we were bringing you home from the hospital, a beautiful rose petal floated down TOMBA LÉGÈREMENT and landed gently on your head. That’s why we named you Rose.” The second daughter, now curious, pipes up INTERVINT with the same question: “What about me, Mummy? How did I get my name?” “ Darling MA CHÉRIE ,” her mother answered warmly CHALEUREUSEMENT , “when we were carrying you home from the hospital, a delicate lily petal PÉTALE DE LYS drifted down and settled SE POSA right on your head. That’s why your name is Lily.” The youngest BENJAMINE ...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer. One day, a wife calls her husband and says, “ be careful FAIS ATTENTION driving home — the radio is saying that some total moron CRÉTIN | IMBÉCILE is driving down the wrong side of the motorway AUTOROUTE .” The husband replies, “There’s not just one, honey CHÉRIE , there are hundreds DES CENTAINES of them!” I remember fondly AVEC TENDRESSE my grandaddy GRAND-PÈRE ’s last words: “ Stop shaking that ladder ARRÊTE DE SECOUER CETTE ÉCHELLE , you moron IMBÉCILE !” A guy TYPE ↔ GARS walks up to a bar where two women are sitting and says, “Are you ladies from Ireland?” They give him a dirty look UN REGARD NOIR and say, “ Wales LE PAYS DE GALLES /weɪlz/ .” “Oh, I’m sorry — are you two whales BALEINES /weɪlz/ from Ireland?” “Why did you leave your last job?” — “The company relocated A DÉMÉNAGÉ ...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer. A man walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and asks if he likes to gamble JOUER ↔ PARIER . The bartender says, "Sure, I’ll take a bet. What’s your wager MISE ↔ PARI ?" The man offers a €50 bet PARI DE 50 € that he can bite his own eyeball MORDRE SON PROPRE ŒIL . The bartender, thinking it’s easy money, accepts, and is shocked when the man removes his glass eye ŒIL EN VERRE and bites down on it. Laughing, the man notices the bartender is upset BOULEVERSÉ ↔ FURIEUX about losing his money, so he offers him a chance to win it back RÉCUPÉRER SON ARGENT . " Double or nothing PARI DOUBLE OU RIEN : I bet I can bite my other eye." The bartender thinks it over RÉFLÉCHIT . He knows he was tricked out of €50 50 € , but he also knows this man can’t possibly have two glass eyes, so he pu...