ESL JOKES

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer 𝔸 grandfather GRAND-PÈRE took his grandchildren PETITS-ENFANTS to the beach PLAGE . They were playing in the sand SABLE when suddenly, a massive wave VAGUE came and pulled PULLED - TIRÉ the smallest grandson PETIT-FILS out into the water. Panicked, the grandfather prayed to God. “Oh God, please bring him back RAMENEZ-LE ! Please let him live, in your mercy. I'll worship you VOUS VÉNÉRER forever!” Almost immediately, an even bigger wave burst JAILLI out of the ocean, setting the little boy down right at his grandfather’s feet. He scooped him up IL LE PRIT DANS SES BRAS in a huge hug ÉTREINTE , crying with relief SOULAGEMENT . Then he stared FIXA DU REGARD up at the sky and said, “He had a hat.” 🔍 Vocabulary In this joke, let's look at pulled , bring him bac...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer A guy walks into a bar ENTERS A PUB after a long day at work and orders a drink ASKS FOR AN ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGE . As he sits there, mulling THINKING DEEPLY over his day, he hears a high-pitched voice say, “That shirt looks great on you!” The man looks around, sees nothing, and returns to his drink, thinking little of it. But then, moments later, the voice returns, this time saying, “You seem like a really cool guy!” Again, the man looks around, finds no one, and returns to his drink, wondering if THINKING THAT IT MIGHT BE POSSIBLE he should see a doctor. Eventually, just as his nerves settle and he believes the voice is gone, he hears, “I bet your parents are really proud PLEASED AND SATISFIED of you!” He slams down his drink PUTS HIS DRINK DOWN LOUDLY AND ANGRILY and looks around wildly IN A CRAZY OR CONFUSED WAY . Frustr...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer 𝔸 middle-aged D'ÂGE MOYEN woman had a heart attack and was rushed EMMENÉE D'URGENCE to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near-death experience EXPÉRIENCE DE MORT IMMINENTE . Seeing God, she asked, " Is my time up SUIS-JE SUR LE POINT DE MOURIR ? ?" God answered, "No, you have another 30 years, 2 months and 11 days to live." When she recovered S'EST REMISE , the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift LIFTING DU VISAGE , liposuction, and a tummy tuck PLASTIE DU VENTRE . She even had someone come in and dye TEINDRE her hair blonde. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured ELLE S'EST DIT QUE she might as well make the most of it. Aft...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer 𝔸 doctor was having an affair UNE RELATION AMOUREUSE SECRÈTE with his nurse. Shortly afterward PEU DE TEMPS APRÈS , she told him that she was pregnant ENCEINTE . Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there. "But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked. He replied, "Just send me a postcard and write 'spaghetti' on the back. I'll take care of expenses JE M'OCCUPERAI DES DÉPENSES ." Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew A PRIS L'AVION to Italy. Six months went by, and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and said, "Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don'...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer A farmer took his truck in for repairs. The local mechanics couldn't fix it while he waited, so—since he didn't live far—he decided to walk home. On the way, he stopped at the hardware store MAGASIN DE BRICOLAGE and bought a bucket SEAU and a gallon GALLON (MESURE) of paint. He then stopped by the feed store MAGASIN D'ALIMENTS POUR ANIMAUX and picked up two chickens and a goose OIE . However, struggling LUTTANT outside the store, he now had a problem: how to carry all his purchases ACHATS home. As he was scratching his head SE GRATTANT LA TÊTE , a little old lady approached him and said she was lost. "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?" she asked. "Well," said the farmer, " as a matter of fact EN FAIT , my farm is very close to that ...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer I met a Dutch DES PAYS-BAS girl with inflatable QUI PEUT ÊTRE GONFLÉ shoes last week. I phoned her to arrange a date RENDEZ-VOUS ROMANTIQUE , but sadly she'd popped her clogs * ELLE ÉTAIT MORTE . Peter Kay I can hear music coming from my printer IMPRIMANTE . I think the paper's jammin' * LE PAPIER EST BLOQUÉ (ET C’EST UNE BLAGUE MUSICALE) again. Anonymous I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter PEU IMPORTE / MÊME SI how foolish they are or how superior I am to them. Steve Martin Twenty years ago, we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope, and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash PAS D’ARGENT (ET PAS DE JOHNNY CASH) , no Hope PAS D’ESPOIR (ET PAS DE BOB HOPE) , and no Jobs PAS DE TRAVAIL (ET PAS DE STEVE JOBS) . Please don't let Kevin ...

Learn English With Jokes Placez le pointeur de la souris sur les mots soulignés, sans cliquer 𝔸 guy TYPE, MEC goes to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist draws a circle DESSINE UN CERCLE and shows it to him. "What's this?" asks the psychiatrist. "A tit NICHON ," says the guy. The psychiatrist then draws a square DESSINE UN CARRÉ . "What's this?" "It's a tit NICHON ," says the guy. The psychiatrist then draws a triangle DESSINE UN TRIANGLE and shows it to the guy. "So, what do you think this is?" "It's a tit NICHON !" yells CRIE the guy. "Sir, I'm afraid you have serious sexual issues PROBLÈMES ," says the psychiatrist. "I have issues? What about you? You keep drawing tits TU N’ARRÊTES ...